I was a Morse watcher, and I've watched and enjoyed Lewis as it's been shown, and even rewatched the odd episode here and there. It didn't pass me by that one of the two main characters is almost certainly bisexual... and really the 'almost' there is too much for the miniscule chance of anything else, but to be completely fair it's there to cover the 0.0001% chance that he is/was struggling with the issue of his sexuality without a good reason. No, I don't buy it and neither will you, and that's not slash goggles talking. Trust me, if you've been there (and probably even if you haven't), you will see it.

But for some reason it took watching the eps one after another for it to really grab me on the slashy front. Or something, because who knows how fandoms do that, really, all we know is at some point there is a click and we are DOOMED to another obsession. It's still a happy, happy place. *sigh*

He'd never have thought it, but since they started this he's discovered that beneath the prickly,
officious exterior, Martin is the most lavishly sensual creature he has ever had the pleasure of
taking to bed.

Perhaps it's simply his innocence, or maybe it's a side-effect of being so totally touch-starved
for so very long, but Martin seems to bask in the pleasure of even the most innocent caress.
Whatever the cause, it can't seem to dampen the gut-deep pleasure Douglas takes at knowing
he is the only person to see Martin this way. They haven't even taken their trousers off yet
and the boy is already undone, fingers curled desperately into the bedding in lieu of having the
confidence to reach out and touch in return.

A low-fat hearty winter soup.

This is the one where you put on the kid gloves, the both of you,” she says, “and make as though you’re doing nothing but walking on egg shells.”

It takes Robbie a second to catch up. He blames the cold, because it is cold, even in here, in his office, with Innocent watching him critically, and Hathaway’s warm body far too close to be appropriate.

“We’re getting the go-ahead with the Isobel Harding case, then, ma’m?”

Innocent shakes her head. “No. You’re getting the go-ahead to join the Samson Terry case.”

“Ma’m?” Hathaway sounds as perplexed as Robbie feels.

“The pair of you,” she says, and sounds far too satisfied for it in any way to bode well, “are going to decide that a baby would be an excellent addition to your otherwise idyllic marriage.”

Robbie’s mouse blinks red as Hathaway’s thigh jerks against it, startled.

“Ma’m?” Hathaway says again.

“You’re going undercover, gentlemen. I’ll have the full notes with you in an hour, and there’s a handler coming in from London. Do try to be convincing.” She moves to leave, then pauses, at the door, and actually grins, not a jot of professionalism left on her face as she adds. “I’m sure it oughtn’t to be too much of a struggle.”

It takes everything Robbie has, not to look sideways to see Hathaway’s reaction.

1 cup Almond Meal
1 cup low carb choc protein powder (Use milk powder with cocoa if preferred)
1 cup shredded coconut
1 cup linseed (LSA)
Warmed up jar of peanut butter (100 % peanuts)
1/4 cup honey

“You lied to me.”

I kissed Zoë’s lips and tasted desire. She lied too, Sir, and you don’t think there are whispers behind my back in the office? Leering smiles when I walk past? You think the men don’t talk about the man- always a man, never a woman- who drugged me and took me to bed?

I tasted what Will tasted and it was sweet. It was good. It wasn’t the poisoned apple of sin; it was love.

Love may never dare to speak its name and love may be the thorn upon the rose but love is pure and, yes, all you need is love.

Certainly true for me. All I needed was you and you were there. I almost burned in the fires of the damned that night, and you pulled me out. You saved me.

You have a pragmatic explanation, of course. It was only your job. Only your instinct.

You can rest easily. I have nothing to ask of you. I have no promises to make. You will find a woman who might make you happy. I might marry. And those loves will never be a lie.

But neither will my love here. As I love the bells of Oxford. As I love my God. As I love my job. As I might grow to love you.

It also must be said that on many topics, the best religious people have more of interest and insight to say than the best skeptics. Take this Christian response to the above Dawkins article, for example. Its author Doug Chaplin rightly criticises Dawkins' explanation for the "catastrophe" in Haiti. It was not, as Dawkins says, due to tectonic plates colliding; that was simply the cause of the earthquake. The catastrophe was caused by the earthquake happening in a poverty-stricken, overcrowded nation which has been raped by imperial powers for its entire existence. Scientific facts alone give a completely inadequate picture; but you won't find too many skeptics admitting that. Chaplin also astutely observes that Robertson and Dawkins are two sides of the same coin: both hide behind a shallow empiricism to justify their right-wing politics. When they come to pronounce on world events, they're both equally ignorant and self-serving.

And Dawkins is far from the worst offender in the skeptic community. At least when he sticks to the science, he reliably brings an infectious passion and sense of wonder; I still have a lot of respect for him as a science communicator. A lot of the most prominent skeptics, though, are ugly all the time. Loudmouth libertarians like Penn Jillette, touchy-feely dorks like Randall Monroe, lazy comedy hacks like Robin Ince and Charlie Brooker, neoliberal thugs like Christopher Hitchens and David Aaronovitch, the sniggering philistines at reddit/atheism: no one I respect could hang out with this crowd. I feel a rush of self-loathing just browsing the same web forums.

1: Lewis. Lewis is the spin-off of Inspector Morse. It's a bit like a smarter, less-faily, more sense-making, more Oxford version of Midsomer Murders, with more likeable characters (and I’m saying this as someone who likes Midsomer Murders). The most delightful bit about it is the absolutely lovely, eminently slashable relationship between DI Lewis and his DS, Hathaway.

I know. You’re going to say he’s old. And NOT HOT. But give the guy a chance! After watching all of this show, I’m so in love with him that I want to jump on him every time he’s onscreen. He says things like, “Who’d have me?” and gets embarrassed and befuddled when women flirt with him. Which they do. A lot. He constantly thinks about his wife, who died in a hit-and-run, and he chats almost daily with his daughter, whom he calls ‘pet’.

You know how cop partners on TV shows are normally total opposites? Hathaway and Lewis are actually quite similar. They’re both lonely and have had huge losses in their lives. They’re both kind of quiet and reserved. They express their honesty and integrity in different ways, but I would say it’s very important to both of them that they hew to the truth even though they diverge in the ways they work and think and interact with people. Over the years, they’ve become intensely protective of each other. Sometimes they finish one another’s sentences.

They can be inhumanly adorable, like when Hathaway gets cappuccino foam on his face and Lewis tells him it's on his mouth, but fails to mention the foam on Hathaway's nose:

Lewis just doesn't understand how a father couldn't support his gay son.
L: "What a shame. If my boy was...it just wouldn't matter."

<33333333333

ALSO: TELLING LOOK IS TELLING.

Erm. Yeah. So I ended up making so many caps just from the first episode of season two, that I decided to do individual posts for each episode, now ;D Woo!

Herewithin in my first offical pimp post for the awesome show, Lewis. Hathaway is my favourite character, so there may well be more pics of him than anyone else. Oh well ;D Warning: pictures may be random. Spoilery through season one.

Things I enjoyed in season one of Lewis

This is by no means comprehensive because many of my favourite moments were simply un-cap-able. D'oh!

Still with the same story/series, I have a character (one of the two main character's elder brother) who's a Marquess, inheriting the title at 15 on the death of his parents. Given that, would he have been able to go to Sandhurst and then serve in the Coldstream Guards, or would the duties of the estate (the details of which I'm a bit hazy on) and his status as the current Marquess preclude that? He's unmarried and childless, so if he dies his younger brother would inherit, something he does not want.

Also, if he was able to make a career out of the army, what rank would he realistically reach at around age 36?

Further to that, if he is able to be a serving officer in the Coldstream, how would his name appear on a legal document such as a police statement? Debretts says that "If an officer has a title, or a courtesy title or style, he is addressed in the opening of a letter and in speech in exactly the same way as any other title-holder" but on an envelope and in correspondence "On an envelope the Service rank appears before the title,", though when referring to our titled officer, they refer to him as [service rank][title].

So quite frankly, I'm confused.

Say he's a Lieutenant Colonel, would he be [when signing] The Most Honourable Jonathon Marquess of Atherstone, or The Most Honourable Lieutenant Colonel Jonathon Marquess of Atherstone?

UK: Police procedure for a suspect of assault and battery?
Googled: police procedure assualt defendant uk, PACE code C, as well as checking the Ask the Police and the Thames Valley Police websites and back entries of this comm

Setting: Oxford and Cheltenham, UK, present day

OK, I've been hunting around the above, but what I've found is to do with either the victim or assuming the defendant has already been arrested. Which is not as far as I've got. I seem to be at the stage where I just have to ask someone, and I'm hoping you all can help.

The situation: the suspect is, well, suspected of committing assualt and battery upon a young woman. Due to her being attacked in the dark area of the street, she's not certain about a visual identification, but the probability is it's this particular man. However, she fought back and as well as giving him a good kicking, she gashed him across the face with her car/house keys, so there's likely to be DNA evidence involved.

The assualt took place in Cheltenham, but the defendant lives in Oxford. Also, the victim's older brother is with the Oxfordshire/Thames Valley CID and was present at the interview of the victim, although not taking an active role in the questioning.

[i.e who 'Donald' is in his tweets]
Hathaway was quoting AE Housman last series, do you learn anything from the scripts?
Laurence Fox: I’m a big poetry fan so I love it when I get to quote a bit, it’s a joy to do. I’ve learnt some interesting bits and bobs which I can trot out at Christmas parties.

Do you get recognised much?
Laurence Fox: I was on a pier in Florida and this guy came up and said, ‘I love Inspector Marsh, Donald Whately is a great actor,' so yeah! Also I lost my bag on a plane and the guy in the baggage hall went, ‘I really love your show’.

Enjoy new episodes of Lewis while you can as star Kevin Whately has suggested the detective drama could soon be coming to an end.

When asked at the Radio Times Covers Party about the future of the series, Whately admitted that he doesn’t see himself playing the role of Robbie Lewis for much longer as his character is fast approaching “police retirement age”.

Whately, now aged 60, assured fans that there’ll be another batch of episodes next year, after which point it will be a case of “we’ll see”.

For more news of this, plus revelations about how Whately almost quit his role as Inspector Morse’s sidekick after only three years back in 1989, watch the video above.

Because of the fic I've been posting lately, several people have asked me questions about what kind of fandom Lewis is. I started writing up an answer to one of them in a comment today, and before I knew it, it was ridiculously long. And so now it goes here, instead, in its own post.



Lewis is a British detective show with movie length episodes, in the classic British whodunnit tradition. It's a spin-off or continuation of the old Inspector Morse series, based off of Colin Dexter's novels, which began airing all the way back in 1987. (I was ten, then, but I don't think I actually saw it until a couple of years later, though then I was instantly hooked. So this is a canon I pretty much grew up with and have loved all my life. My dad ever after always referred to the Watson type character in a duo of detectives as the lead detective's Lewis, with the name pronounced as you would in Swedish - the character was so familiar in our family that you could make a noun out of his name.)

I was flipping through 502, "Wild Justice", this morning, and noticed this interesting bit of business I hadn't before.

First, the setup: this is the ep where Robbie is considering early retirement. He finds out he's going to be a grandfather, and that gets him thinking about his future. He and James first discuss his possible retirement early on: Robbie says Lyn thinks he should slow down, and James asks him what he thinks.

Robbie: I think...that I should stop thinking. (pause) Could be a nice step up for you, mind. (In other words, James might be promoted if Robbie retires).



And then James does something that blows my mind, when I really pay attention to it. He doesn't react at first, and then when Robbie turns his attention back to their evidence-gathering, he half-smiles and - well, it's not quite a snort, not a chuckle, more a long exhale - and god, it's - wow. You really have to wonder what Fox was thinking here, because the look is so fucking exasperated-fond that it's hard to read it any way but I'm totally mad about you and you're completely oblivious, aren't you?

Sorry for the spam, but I was running through Lewis 402, "Dark Matter", and I just have to say that Lewis and Hathaway have absolutely, positively no sense of personal space. I mean, I rationally knew they didn't - I've seen it often enough - but holy fuck, it's ridiculous. LOOK:

I couldn't adequately capture it because they're moving or their expressions are weird, but there's a moment right before this where their arms literally SLIDE against one another.

We noticed you using an iPad. Are you keen on technology
“Yes, it’s useful for reading scripts on. You constantly get little amendments so it’s great when you don’t have to put them all in yourself – now I can seem organised!”

Is Kevin the same?
“Oh no, he doesn’t believe in technology. For him the olden days were better when there was no hot water and people ate newspaper!"

You obviously have a laugh with each other, so how would you describe your working relationship
“It’s like a marriage – we just spend more time together and find each other less and less irritating. Saying that, you’d have to do something pretty horrific to annoy Kev. He’s of the old school – he likes being at work and doing things properly.”

The HUUUUBBBBB
[pics from the hub convention with GDL and JB kissing]

Wooo, finally got round to the second part of my Ianto picspam for episode 1x06 - Countrycide. There are no comments or anything cause I'm too tired, and if I wait til I'm feeling coherant enough to make things up I'll never get round to posting it. So yeah, just gratuitous Ianto caps :D I added commentary :D

So, what's the best way to prepare for a uni interview? Picspam Ianto, of course! Due to the sheer number of caps - 90!!!!! - I'm having to split it into two, and the second part will be up ASAP. I've tried to include witty comments, but as my reason for taking most of these caps was "he looked pretty", it would get a little repetitive if I wrote that every time :P Scared/bullied Ianto is UNBELIEVABLY gorgeous.

I have got to know the Pathology Building's roof-line like an old friend over the last few months, and to see it mangled here is not very happy-making. Yes, there ARE safety railings all round this roof (2) they have been badly digitized out in the Sherlock-on-the-edge shot (1). There is a trace left of the safety harness the actor is wearing where it is holding the back of his coat up at (3). I am also presuming there is a digitised-out crane or something in the background of this too. Glad I don't have to actually see it!

I'm still a shiny new n00b in this fandom, as I really only started reading it in any consistent way in December 08. That means my guided tour is necessarily focused on the parts of the fandom I’ve found so far.

Normally, in a primer like this, I’d try to include some recs of good gen stories which feature the team doing their thing, so that readers can get a sense for the dynamics of the show. However, I don’t yet have enough stories of that nature in my bookmarks. As a result, this is really more of an introduction to Jack/Ianto than the fandom as a whole.

I.

Three days after Jack disappeared, the head Torchwood office sent a replacement. No one was really sure how she got the job, but ever since Canary Wharf, the London Torchwood office had had such high attrition that nobody knew what was going on anymore.

All they knew was one day they showed up to work and a brassy redhead was sitting in Jack's office. Once they all gathered, she introduced herself as Donna. "Oy, you lot, I heard you opened the rift and jeopardized the entire space-time continuum. How stupid are you?"

II.

Donna had Ianto make a banner that she hung in the hub, near the entrance. It read "I Will Not Activate Unknown Alien Technology" in block red letters.

"But," Tosh pointed out timidly, "we don't know what any of the technology is."

"Then it's bleeding stupid to turn it on, isn't it?" Donna replied.

Torchwood is currently 'in limbo' and networks seem in not too urgent a hurry to revive it.

Starz seem to have quietly forgotten it, at least for now; BBC Wales are up to their necks in cuts & other projects - and show-runner Russell T. Davies, supposedly taking time out with his seriously-ill partner, Andrew - is actually hard at work in Cardiff, attending to his new & highly anticipated CBBC blockbuster, 'Wizards vs. Aliens'.

For him, too, Torchwood seems not the most pressing of priorities. It's not hard to see why things have gone so quiet right now.

After the fun & japes of Series 1, the hard-hitting stories from Series 2 - and the dizzy heights and very acceptable viewing figures of the chilling 'Children of Earth' we had 'Miracle Day' - a transatlantic romp about as closely related to Torchwood as the Jerry Springer Show - where characters were about as real & genuine as a stash of Polish printed £7 banknotes.

Adapted from a recipe first published in a slightly different form by Elizabeth David as a Chocolate and Almond Cake in French Provincial Cooking. It is rich, dense and slightly fudgy, but not as cloying as mudcake.

For the pastry
500g plain flour, sifted
300g sugar
200g unsalted butter
2 whole eggs plus 1 yolk
Grated rind of 1 lemon
For the cream filling
400g sugar
100g potato flour (or potato starch), sifted
2 egg yolks
125ml lemon juice
Grated rind of 2 lemons
1 litre water

A Collection of Cabin Pressure Tumblr Accounts

There are plenty of other interesting Cabin Pressure Fan Resources out there, notably on Tumblr. Some dedicated to Cabin Pressure alone, others to Martin Crieff, Douglas Richardson or certain Cabin Pressure themes and memes. Here is a list of the ones that I am aware of if you want to check them out. Im sure there are more that I haven’t seen or found so please do let me know either in the comments, via email or on Twitter if you know of any other Cabin Pressure related Tumblr accounts and I will add them to the list.

"Sherlock Holmes Omnibus", containing the complete "Sherlock Holmes" stories (4 novels and 56 short stories) of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. The contents are:

Novels:

A Study In Scarlet
The Sign of the Four
The Hound of the Baskervilles
The Valley of Fear


Short story collections:

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes
The Return of Sherlock Holmes
His Last Bow
The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes


Enjoy!


Edit: 20th Nov 2011. Uploaded v9.

Major edit and re-arrangement of the book. All books within the omnibus are now presented in chronological order and, within the short story collections, the stories in "His Last Bow" and "The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes" have been re-arranged into publication order. Many illustrations have been re-scanned, and several missing ones added. "The Adventure of the Cardboard Box" has been restored from "His Last Bow" to its rightful place in "The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes" (it was omitted from the first English edition because it was felt to be too shocking at the time of original publication). At the same time, the introduction to "The Cardboard Box" which had been (badly) appended to the start of "The Resident Patient" has been removed, and the original Strand Magazine introduction restored. Many hundreds of errors have been corrected, and italics, missing accents, etc, restored. The formatting has been significantly improved (eg letters, newspaper quotes, etc, are now indented and in a smaller font). The result of all this is an immensely improved and much more error-free book.

Edit: 21 Nov 11. Uploaded v10.

Golf Echo Romeo Tango India, or GERTI, for short. The beloved aircraft in which Cabin Pressure is set and without which MJN Air could not exist. What could this post be about? I hear you ask. Well I’ve been contacted by a couple of people recently with things to share related to the aircraft. Prepare to be amazed… and then schooled!

The first comes from Ross Herbert of Herefordshire, who’s son has lovingly created a model of GERTI complete with logos, name and callsign. Its fantastic, so thanks goes to Guy Herbert for creating and sharing it. Larger versions of the image can be seen on Ross’ Flickr account.

He was in his early thirties, had failed multiple times and overdid everything. He was however, the counter that Douglas needed. Martin would be the one to think about every possible outcome and the one to over think and overreact. He would be the laid back one, the one to crack jokes and lighten the mood. His captain would be strict, no nonsense (unless someone got vodka into him) and didn't think about anything other than flying. They balanced each other out. And Carolyn didn't have to worry about replacing another captain when she observed him lazily place an arm around his shoulders one day.

Wow, that is a fantastic line up of guest stars! So, here's a question we're really interested in knowing the answer to: Do you think Cabin Pressure could transfer to TV?

I think the scene in which twelve Scottish cricketers in swimsuits carry a fire engine across a Saharan airport, after which an aeroplane drives along a desert road, would maybe present some budgetary problems. But in general, yes, I suppose it could.

Published in 1956, My Family and Other Animals is one of those books that crosses boundaries and time.

It sees the natural world through a child's eyes, making it seem sane in comparison to the author's delightfully oddball family.

The autobiographical work has been filmed twice by the BBC, memorably in 1987 with Brian Blessed as the larger-than-life Spiro Hakiaopulos.

Cosmo McIntyre, who runs FetchUSA.com.au which purchases products on behalf of consumers from overseas websites that don't ship to Australia, by using a US postal address and credit card, says business has increased 30 per cent this year. ''Consumers are smart, and so if all of a sudden they can't buy a particular product online because they have an Australian address, then they'll come to me,'' he says.

Carolina Tillett who runs freight-forwarding company Price USA, where shoppers can save up to 80 per cent on some items, says her orders have increased 100 per cent since a year ago. ''Once shoppers get used to such big savings on a product then they will find ways to keep getting them.''

For example, she says, when popular American sportswear site Eastbay stopped shipping some Nike products to Australia last year she saw a huge spike in demand for Nike shoes.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thing BC pointed out that there was nothing like LOVE between Irene Adler and Sherlock. Yet the writer insisted on the idea, and wrote this episode and was REWARDED for it. I can’t help but see something terribly wrong here.

The Landscape Dinner Set is a food and drink safe melamine set for kids strarting from 1 year old, inspired in the typical children´s drawings. It will help you teach your kid how to eat properly using cutlery, while playing. Moreover it helps you give them a healthy dinner, separating all the food they need in a tidy and cheerful way.

Truth is the forgotten family value
George Monbiot
May 16, 2012

Opinion

Digital image: Judy Green.

Digital image: Judy Green.

Cultural conservatives' moral concerns about marriage are based on a view of history that is almost entirely false.

'THROUGHOUT history and in virtually all human societies marriage has always been the union of a man and a woman.'' So says the Coalition for Marriage, whose petition against same-sex unions in Britain has so far attracted 500,000 signatures. It's a familiar claim, and it is wrong. Dozens of societies, across many centuries, have recognised same-sex marriage. In a few cases, before the 14th century, it was even celebrated in church.

So I made a Sherlock sim some time ago and he's just been hanging in my sim bin for the longest time. I've constantly fiddled with him and now I think I'm finally satisfied. He is based on the BBC's Sherlock, in which Sherlock Holmes is played by the lovely Benedict Cumberbatch. Anyways, some people have shown a little interest in him lately so I've taken some pictures, packaged him up, and am putting him up here for download. I do hope you like him. I did the best I could to make him look like ol' Benedict, but that man has one beautiful funky face and it is sure hard to simmify. Also, he sadly has no John yet.

Now as introverts of the world stand up (or at least nod in a significant but understated manner) to be counted, much of Cain’s advice is particularly pertinent. As Cain points out in Quiet, there are strategies that introverts can use to make the most of their best qualities and to lessen the impact of a world that has lost its reverence for silence.

One of these strategies is “restorative niches,” a term coined by personality psychologist Brian Little, who Cain interviewed in the book. A revered Harvard professor, who travels the world and dances little jigs on stage in a natty bow-tie, he would appear to be a consummate extrovert. Except that he is not, and after each lecture Professor Little dashes to the loos for a spot of welcome respite. That time out is Little’s restorative niche after stepping out of his comfort zone, as is spending quiet time with his wife and family and turning down some social invitations.

"Missed--you," Martin breathed in time with Douglas' thrusts, and in answer the older man slid his arms up under Martin's so that his body surrounded Martin's, limbs intertwined and fingers clasped. "Wanted--wanted you," Martin continued, eyes falling shut and brows knitting together in pleasure.

"You've no idea," Douglas growled, slowing his thrusts to a long, generous push against Martin's body. Martin's breath hitched, the head of Douglas' cock nudging past his anus and stroking the taut curve of his perineum with every thrust. "In the flight deck was the worst--you were so close, you beautiful thing, and I couldn't have you."

The not knowing is the worst part. They’ve all made jokes about Gertie’s propensity for losing bits and pieces, but fundamentally they believe she’s solidly airworthy. And then one day Douglas and Martin start the pre-flight checks and everything goes wrong. Several of the buttons light up on the dash, klaxons go off and the pilots exchange worried glances. Clearly, Gertie’s not flying today.

Luckily, there’s a few days’ leeway in their cargo shipment delivery date. Gertie is placed in Fitton’s only proper hangar and the mechanic is summoned. He spends hours with the plane, poking and prodding until he eventually declares that he can find nothing wrong with the old girl and leaves, just as baffled as the rest of them.

The next hours are spent discussing options. Douglas is of the opinion that Gertie’s lied to them once and is probably doing it again, so they should just carry on with the delivery. Martin, being Martin, frets about the potential for an as-yet-unseen fault that will send them crashing to their doom. They argue and bicker with Carolyn throwing in on one side or the other depending on the whim of her mood. None of them notice Arthur walking around Gertie thoughtfully, running his hand along her hull as he goes.

Finally, Arthur pipes up. “What if she’s just tired?”

Martin’s head whips around and Douglas looks over the shorter man at their steward.

“What?” Carolyn asks.

Arthur turns a bit red around the neck under the scrutiny, but squares his shoulders to reply. “What if Gertie is just tired? I mean, Skip had a pretty hard landing yesterday, and Douglas had to make that quick turn to avoid the birds the day before, and we’ve been flying every day for three weeks, so maybe she’s just tired and doesn’t want to fly.”

"For whatever 'services' you're giving the yacht brokers, how much do you cost? Tell me, do you fuck them or do they fuck you?"

Martin spluttered for a few moments before realising he wouldn't be able to lie. "I'm not a whore Douglas! You know nothing about it. I dont sell sex."

"Really? The contents of this bag says differently," Douglas said, grabbing Martin's bag, unzipping it and tipping it onto the bed. An assortment of leather, fetish gags, whips and sex-toys fell onto the covers.

Martin clenched his fists. "I don't prostitute myself! I don't penetrate them other than with toys and they certainly don't penetrate me!"

"Really? Then what's the appeal?" Douglas spat.

"I dominate them. It's a skill - something I'm actually good at and they pay me well for it."

"You couldn't dominate anyone!" He said looking Martin up and down.

"Oh, I can, Douglas," Martin said firmly. His back stiffened and a look of resolve and determination swept over his face. He picked up the leather riding crop which Douglas had emptied onto the bed and pointed it into Douglas' face, pushing it under his chin and forcing Douglas to keep eyes contact while he spoke.
"I would have you bound, helpless and begging for release. And I would enjoy making you beg too, Douglas, until those pretty brown eyes of yours teared up.

There was no more room for protest, and Martin knew he couldn't stop if he wanted to. Instantly he was on Douglas' lap, hands bunching up his shirt, forcing his head to the right — and sinking his fangs into that soft, supple skin.

Immediately a ragged moan tore from his throat. He hadn't had a meal in so long, God, it felt amazing. He straddled his first officer and sucked in gulp after gulp, letting the blood wash down his parched throat with barely contained groans. Good God did Douglas taste good.

Douglas, meanwhile, was frozen. He had expected pain, maybe a pinch; something, anything. What he hadn't expected was the pleasure that coursed through him. He had no idea why, no idea how, but he was hard as a rock in moments, and Martin — who was determined to rut and moan obscenely against him — was definitely not helping.

"Martin," he choked, feeling his pulse flutter. Snapping out of his trance, Martin pulled back, a lovely blush staining his cheeks from the new blood.

"Douglas oh - oh God, I'm so sorry. Let me just—" but Douglas had grabbed his hips and forced Martin against him, pulling their hips roughly together. Martin's breathless gasp (and hard cock) was an obvious sign he'd been feeling it too. So this was what he meant by "intimate."

He stared at the bare wrist, inches from his face and wanted, needed it more than anything. He'd sworn himself he'd never attack, never hunt but he was so, so weak and Douglas smelled so, so good.

He opened his mouth and lunged, a millennia of primal instinct taking over. It was hunter versus pray, the strong vampire lunging for the kill, the taste of vict- the taste of polyester and cotton.

"Martin?"

Douglas lifted his arm, taking Martin's head, his fangs trapped humiliatingly in Douglas' sleeve, with him.

"Are those fangs?"

"unnhhhhhhaahhhhh," Martin whimpered as Douglas gave his arm a little shake as he inspected the sharp white teeth.

"You are Nosferatu? You?" Douglas asked incredulously.

Martin sagged, his lip pressed unhappily against Douglas' cufflink. Typical - He'd just been outed as a mythical, blood lusting, killer and Douglas could still mock him.

"All right. Stay still, you big tabby," Douglas said, gripping Martin's pale jaw and unhooking his fangs from his sleeve.

If the title character of television’s “Sherlock” ever went looking for Hollywood’s Holmes, it would be the quickest case in the history of scenery-chewing sleuths.

That’s because Benedict Cumberbatch — who plays a modern-day version of fiction’s greatest detective on the British import now airing Sundays on PBS’ “Masterpiece Mystery!” — lives in a vintage Venice wood-frame house that sits less than two blocks from the sleek offices of Robert Downey Jr., the American movie star who keeps it Victorian on the big screen.

“It’s just right over there,” Cumberbatch said with a nod of his chin as he sat at his dining-room table. “I should go throw eggs or do something. I’ve never met him. I think he got a few [press] questions and then after a few more he was like ‘Who is this kid Cumberbatch?’ “

Backdoor Lane 25
Not quite as tiny as it looks from the outside, this is furnished for 1-2 sims but has two empty spare rooms so you can actually raise a small family here. Features a small front porch, combined kitchen/dining/living room on the ground floor, livable basement, and a double bedroom upstairs with a pretty bay window looking out on the greenery in the yard.

1 x double bedroom
1 x single bedroom (empty)
2 x bathroom
1 x kitchen/dining/living room
1 x basement (empty) -- this can even be made into two rooms, albeit very small ones

Furnished as on the pics, all basics on board including alarms, lights in + outside and a few plants. There's room for two driveways in the backyard but none included; I recommend using roddyaleixo's Invisible Driveway for this (if you've downloaded any other Backdoor Lane house you should already have it). Way prettier than any of the Maxian ones.
-- definitely Jaxy and Zoe's house.

But judging from last night's film-quality first installment of season 2, Scandal in Belgravia, it's clear that she's grown from a slightly barmy plot device into a clucking mother figure, someone who is there to take care of two adult male detectives who are as peerless at investigating wrongdoing as they are domestically challenged. That this juryrigged family feels so realistic is partly due to the series' fine writing. But credit must also be given to Una Stubbs, the great veteran British actress with the tinkly voice and the batty charm, who took an underwritten, tangential widow character and made her seem like someone who Sherlock and Watson could ultimately lean on. (To grasp how well Stubbs knows her way around a scene-stealing, oddball zinger, one need only turn to the slew of Twitter accounts and a blog on Tumblr spawned in her honor.)

If you'd like to know more about Stubbs' relationship with co-stars Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman, the kind of ridiculous props she's regularly confronted with on Sherlock and what sorts of desserts she liked to bake (when she was still baking), turn the page.

Backdoor Lane 45:
City starter on a 1x2 mini lot, furnished for 1-2 sims with room for more. Access is from the back yard via a small covered porch; open kitchen/dining and toilet on the ground floor, living area, bathroom and spare room on the first (second, middle, whatever) floor, the top floor is used as a double bedroom. You could squeeze another small bathroom in here, along the lines of Backdoor Lane 31 -- another idea for "expansion" would be to convert the dining corner on the ground floor into a small nursery (put the dresser elsewhere, and move the dining table to where the dresser was). -- looks like Jaxy and Zoe's lot -- grab if the one I gave them doesn't suit.

Douglas likes Martin and Martin likes Douglas and after long tedious years, they finally get together. Except Douglas has never had sex with a man before and during their first time, things sort of fall flat. Martin proceeds to convince him that sex isn't all about penetration and who's ontop and flips Douglas over and rims the hell out of him until the man is screaning bloody murder and coming into the sheets like a teenager.

It's the best sex Douglas has ever had. I want him lying there in breathless awe at how gorgeously skillful and insightful Martin really is. And slightly surprised that the best sex he's ever had was with a man.

D/M please and lots and lots of love! <3333

Any thoughts on why Sherlock is capturing imaginations at this particular time?
Not really, no. I mean, maybe it’s got something to do with the estate or something, I genuinely don’t know. They do sort of come in threes, don’t they? It is the way. But there are eras in theater where it just becomes about “Hamlet,” then it will become about “Richard III,” you know, or “Richard II.” It’s just one of those cultural zeitgeist.

I hate to blow our own trumpet, but we did actually start it. We did the pilot waaay before they wanted to do the film. And in fact, it’s rumored that the Weinsteins and other people that had to do with Warner had already heard about the property, the idea that we were doing a modern adaptation of it, and thought, “Ah, we haven’t had Sherlock Holmes in a long time as a movie franchise,” and it popped up. You know, we were a bit sour about it at the beginning, we were kind of, “Oh. Really. REALLY? We’re just getting off the ground with this idea.” And then we saw it and went “Aw, it’s great. We can both exist at the same time.”

PBS held a contest for the fans of “Sherlock” — the modern update on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s eccentric detective — to attend a screening and Q&A with star Benedict Cumberbatch and creator Steven Moffat in honor of the series’ second season, premiering tonight. A whopping 10,000 people entered to win tickets to the event at the 400-seat Florence Gould Hall Theater in Midtown. By all accounts, it sounded like every single one of the hopefuls were in attendance when Cumberbatch entered the room to exuberant screams and applause.

But the smart, self-deprecating actor I met before fans were seated belies the rock star reception he received on stage. The 35-year-old Brit with a wry sense of humor was candid about how he’s managing to stay grounded as his profile rises. He was careful and thoughtful as we discussed his commanding performance as the world’s most famous detective. Most of all, he was gracious — counting his blessings for the opportunities he has been given and thanking, many times over, those fans so enthusiastic to make him a star.

"Still, you shared your meal with me when you had little enough for one. You're a good man, when you're not being a prissy little waste of space. You've just forgotten what's important." She sniffed at him. "You've done me a favour, you gave your food and your company, so in return I'll do one for you."

Martin gasped rather dazedly, the world growing peculiarly out of focus as the old woman rose to her feet in front of him. She seemed taller somehow, her voice smoother and more certain, cloudy eyes growing sharp and clear as she stared down at him.

Martin toppled backwards, his body limp and disorientated, pain lancing sharply through his head.

"You've forgotten how to fight for what you want, little pilot," she said. Martin whimpered, his hands flopping uselessly against the grass as behind her the traffic roared and swirled. "You can't just give up when things are hard, you've got to learn what's worth fighting for. What's even worth dying for. Not fancy whims you surrender when people try to get in your way. You figure out what really matters, what you really want most of all, and you seize it. The rest will take care of itself."

Martin shuddered, writhing in sudden, engulfing agony, his mouth open on a high, terrified cry as his vision tunneled down to nothing but the woman's distant, looming face.

Then darkness.

I was never a huge follower or fan of Sherlock Holmes. I really wasn’t. It wasn’t in my canon of literature. I don’t really know why. Maybe I associated it with Woolsey. It was never very accessible when I was growing up. I’m reading it now. At the moment I’m reading The Sign of Four. But I wouldn’t have done had I not been involved in the show. Which is good, it’s great, it’s opened me up to his work. [Are you enjoying the stories?] They’re great. They’re really good. They really drag you in. It’s very interesting and very engaging. It zips along. I’ve got to have something that zips along… The Doyle stuff is quite easy to get through, which is a testament to good writing.

[Do you imagine Ben & Martin in

John wondered, as he sat in the pub waiting for Mike to return with their pints, which Sherlock would win if he let slip his observation - really, it was too neat to be true - that Sherlock had been born on the day known as Epiphany. Would it be the egomaniac, who’d be perfectly inclined to believe that he was the centre of the universe and that his mother’s pregnancy, his choice of profession (and consequently the need for him to make epiphany-faces thrice a fortnight at least), and the entire tradition of Christianity in Western Europe had conspired together for this absolutely fitting fact? Or would it be the pedant, the one who corrected improper grammar and mistaken conclusions with all the warmth and humour of a firing squad, who’d surely point out that “epiphany” and “the Epiphany” had entirely different meanings and that John was being irritatingly fanciful again?

John might have been a betting man, but even he couldn’t pick the winner of that bizarre match.

I’m on a fitness regime,” he says while sitting at a long, wooden table in his kitchen in faded black jeans, black sandals and a gray T-shirt from which new biceps bulge. “I’d be very wary — especially of the white ones,” he jokes when after devouring a large breakfast of scrambled eggs, lox and buttered toast he swallows the contents of a baggie of white-and-orange vitamins.

As for the long, foppish black hair extensions he’s wearing to play a “Star Trek” baddie, he’s self-conscious about them. “These gleaming bits of plastic sitting on my skull,” he says ruefully. “People probably look at me and think, ‘Oh, bless him. He’s got bits of food in his hair that he doesn’t know about.’ ”

ETOnline: What excites you about this incarnation of Sherlock?
Benedict Cumberbatch: That he is the original detective — and can exist, despite all the derivatives, in a world that also has CSI: Miami. He still has the power to entertain us through the fact that he can turn anything into an adventure. Also, we’re doing the beginning of his story. We’re doing the fledgling relationship between him and Watson – this is the start, so he’s still learning and changing. We’re not seeing him as a finished mold.

ETOnline: Your chemistry with Martin Freeman (who plays Watson) is electric. Was that connection instantaneous?
Cumberbatch: He stepped into the audition room after a few other actors and he just elevated my game. He’s the one I wanted to play with. I knew he’d bring a level of reality and integrity and detailed performance to the character that meant I could do as little as possible to become as eccentric as possible. I could raise one eyebrow and seem like I was from another century. He gives me something for nothing in that regard.

Another relationship the second season devotes a lot of time to is that between you and Irene Adler. Is theirs a romantic one?

No, it’s never going to be romance with him. They play with each other like predators. It’s pretty sick; they’re both damaged people. There’s no sentiment. But what is painfully romantic — like in all the best love stories — is what’s left unspoken. Is there a sexual element to it? Without a doubt there is. But as you’ll see it’s a game of chess, and it’s a very cruel, cruel game of love, if it is love.

Given that she wasn’t around in the first season, how did you wrap your head around Sherlock’s non-existent sex drive?

Well, I see no reason at all why he shouldn’t be sexual. Everyone recruited him to their perspective, their interpretation. I’ve had asexuals come up to me and thank me for representing asexuals. I don’t know how that came about. I mean, the man’s too busy to have sex. That’s really what is it. Not every man has a sex drive that needs to be attended to. Like a lot of things in his life where he’s purposely dehumanized himself, it’s do to with not wanting the stuff that is time wasting, that’s messy. That goes for certain relationships, as well as sexual intimacy.

He’s the ultimate outsider hero. He’s a very difficult, odd entity. To the Victorian eye he’s an eccentric, but I think he has purposely repressed those things. So in my mind the idea (as it is in the original book), it seems born out of how he views women and humanity in general.

As a child, I think he basically really did put all that stuff aside. In this series, it’s about him coming to terms with the fact that he can do a better job if he has a little bit of morality, feeling and emotion; to be able to play with those things without necessarily being taken over by them. I just think that enriches the character.

With any interpretation of this character, everyone has their own goals or starting point. For me, the idea that we’re doing him young at the beginning is terrific, whilst we’re adhering to a lot of the details in the book. I always go back to them as source for decisions on physicality, mood and/or temperament. It’s done with such a forensic eye that you’d be a fool to turn your back on the original books.

He does particularly well with the shy girls. Maybe it's because he's a bit imperfect himself, at least physically speaking. He doesn't exactly cut the most dashing figure after all, but it's always the shy ones, or the quiet ones, or the self-conscious ones who like him best. It's always the ones who lack that little bit of confidence to believe themselves beautiful. There's just enough that's non-threatening about Martin to make it seem safe to lay bare their perceived imperfections, and he's more than OK with that. He quite likes it if he's honest; likes woman in general regardless of size or shape or colour. He likes the feel of warm bare skin against him, it doesn't matter if it's athletically taut or attractively yielding, small-breasted or heavy and full like sun-ripened fruit. Their self-diagnosed shortcomings are of no consequence to him really; they're just variations of sharp angles and plush curves and trembling sighs, hardly more than the smear of lips and heated kisses rendered Vaseline soft in stolen moments of intimate pleasure.

If you are a girl, you are a girl. Period, finish, end statement. It doesn't matter what you look like or what you enjoy doing. It doesn't matter what your assigned birth sex is or was. It doesn't matter who or what or why you love. All that matters is that you love, and that you accept that you are you, and you are awesome.

It's okay if you love pink. Some girls genuinely do. I genuinely do. Once, we would all have been viewed as cross-dressing and weird for liking pink, which was a male color. Times change. If you want to own your own pinkness, do, and don't let anyone tell you that makes you less of a feminist.

It's okay if you hate pink. You're not denying your gender or letting down the side, or anything else like that. You're a person, and there are a lot of colors out there to fall in love with. I recommend orange, green, and anything that sears your retinas.

Frills and lace and high heels and makeup are all fine. So are denim and combat boots and tattoos. So is everything between those extremes.

Just remember: you can be anything you want to be if you put your mind to it. Be inspired. posted about a week ago

As reimagined by British TV maestro Steven Moffat ("Doctor Who," "Jekyll") and Mark Gatiss ("Doctor Who"), this Sherlock, played with aquamarine and alabaster radiance by Benedict Cumberbatch, is a London consulting detective as brilliant, icy and occasionally preening as the original. He resides at 221 B Baker Street with John Watson (Martin Freeman), a military doctor last posted in Afghanistan whom Holmes met during a search for a roommate; the show's premiere episode was titled, "A Study in Pink," a play on the first Sherlock Holmes story, "A Study in Scarlet."

Watson, undone by his war experience, is now content to aid Holmes in his various cases, blogging about such cases as "The Geek Interpreter" and "The Speckled Blonde," hilarious twists on original titles, so we know the playfulness of the paean will continue. Deepen, actually, to include in this season's first moments such canon-phile treats as 1895 — the number of hits Watson has on a particular blog is surely a reference to a famous line from one of the first Sherlockian odes — and the appearance of the famous deerstalker hat.

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers is a 2003 non-fiction work by Mary Roach. Published by W. W. Norton & Company, it details the unique scientific contributions of the deceased. It was a New York Times bestseller and has received numerous recognitions, such as the Elle Reader's Prize and Amazon.com's list of Editor's Picks for Top 50 Books of 2003.[1]

In the book, Roach gives firsthand accounts of cadavers, a history of the use of cadavers, and an exploration of the surrounding ethical/moral issues. She places each chapter's content into a historical context by discussing the history of the method of using a cadaver she is about to witness.

"Arghhh! Skip's van broke down and he couldn't afford to repair it and he couldn't get the money without the van, but then three weeks ago, that cougar woman in the leopard-print offered him three hundred quid to help her join the mile high-club in the toilet and he's been doing it ever since... Apparently there's quite a demand to join the mile high club with the captain of the plane, so he's now taking Internet bought Viagra and working his way through the netball team at fifty quid a pop."

"Dear God."

"Dear God indeed, Hercules. Arthur, are you sure about all of this? After that pint of vodka he tried to drink in Krakow, I'm pretty sure he told us he preferred partners of the male persuasion."

"That's what I said, Douglas, or rather I said 'I thought you fancied blokes?', and he said, 'I do, but this pays better than humping boxes'."

"Hercules, get into the Captain's seat. You have control... And the landing."

"Douglas, where the hell are you going?"

"To join the queue... Oh, and could I borrow fifty quid?"

Douglas and Martin want each other, and they both know. But Martin refuses because he thinks it will disrupt their working relationship and, more importantly, that Douglas will use it to tease him and play power games and threaten his position as Supreme Commander. Unfortunately, Douglas can't prove that he won't unless he's given the chance to show it.

Would love to see them start a relationship and work through the awkward power dynamics and (Martin's) insecurities associated with their job.

But is this true? Are sudoku puzzles the only thing stopping the species turning into a horde of attention-deficient, socially-dysfunctional, email addicts – part human, part smartphone?

Fear not, there is some good news from neuroscience. But first, it is my duty to tell you the bad news. You may want to put down your phone and take note, this is the important bit.

The truth is that everything you do changes your brain. Everything. Every little thought or experience plays a role in the constant wiring and rewiring of your neural networks. So there is no escape. Yes, the internet is rewiring your brain. But so is watching television. And having a cup of tea. Or not having a cup of tea. Or thinking about the washing on Tuesdays. Your life, however you live it, leaves traces in the brain.

Brain workout

Worrying about the internet is just the latest in a long line of fears society has had about the changes technologies might bring. People worried about books when they first became popularly available. In Ancient Greece, Socrates worried about the effect of writing, saying it would erode young people's ability to remember. The same thing happened with television and telephones. These technologies did change us, and the way we live our lives, but nothing like the doom-mongers predicted would stem from them.

I read this cool article last week — “30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself” — and I thought, hey, heeeey, that’s interesting. Writers might could use their own version of that. So, I started to cobble one together. And, of course, as most of these writing-related posts become, it ended up that for the most part I’m sitting here in the blog yelling at myself first and foremost.

That is, then, how you should read this: me, yelling at me. If you take away something from it, though?

Then go forth and kick your writing year in the teeth.

Onto the list.

"We always wanted it to be stylish. We didn't want it to be like other television. We wanted it to have a film sense. Everybody says that about their TV show. Everyone says that. But then my wife got a hold of [director] Paul McGuigan, and he's the one who brought the tremendous beauty to it. One of the things he said was, 'You want to think Sherlock Holmes is behind the camera, too.' You want to see the world as Sherlock Holmes sees it. And that informs his work on an awful lot of the show, to give you the Sherlock's eye view of the world all the time."

I'm afraid this an absolute cheese-ball of a fic. I've managed to get in BAMF-Martin and a touch of Martin/Dougals, but I couldn't get him to swagger... Apparently on the rare occasion Martin is BAMF he doesn't quite realize it. I've also made huge assumptions on aerodynamics, physics, MS Flight Sim and lobsters. Plus I've plagiarized a real BAMF-pilot from Air Canada, info if you're interested - http://www.damninteresting.com/the-gimli-glider/

Summary: A trip with treacherous weather conditions, a terrified pilot, a valuable lesson learned, the dealing with consequences in unexpected ways and interesting little sounds.

Receptionists watch, absolutely paralyzed by this scene. Board of Education is used again. "It doesn't hurt him!" she cries again, as the dog hauls her off to go sniff somebody else. "The noise gets his attention!"

The noise was not getting his attention, believe me. This woman had about as much chance of getting the dog's attention with the Board of Education as I would of getting the Great Wall of China's attention with a kazoo solo. Whack! went the Board. Pantpantpant! went the dog. "It really doesn't hurt him!" cried the woman, sailing past at high speed again.

At last, when he came in for a second round of sniffs, he slowed down a bit, somebody got his collar, and the woman dusted herself off, readjusted her hat, tucked the Board under her arm, and strode confidently into the exam room behind her ecstatic dog. And I sat on the floor beside the other receptionists and sobbed with laughter until we about ruptured an appendix.

It has been over a decade, and this memory is still breathtakingly vivid. She was a charming woman, she loved her dog very much, and he was, fortunately, a terribly nice dog, and I cannot help but go into hysterics whenever I remember THE BOARD OF EDUCATION.

Some years ago, a US network purchased an Australian tv show (The Flying Doctors) but required certain dialogue changes made - specifically, when a young boy describes his injuries as hurting 'like buggery'. In Australian, although most people are aware of the actual meaning of the word, it's rarely used that way or censored when used in other ways. The comedy troupe Doug Anthony All Stars got considerable mileage out of variations on this joke:
Richard injures himself
Paul or Tim: Does that hurt, mate?
Richard: Yeah, it hurts like buggery.
Tim and Paul in chorus: No Richard, nothing hurts like buggery...

By the time Carolyn returned to the flight deck her cheeks were blotchy red and her eyes still flashing with anger. Martin nearly jumped out of his seat as she flounced in and dropped onto the co-pilot’s chair, arms folded and face set in a scowl.

He cast around for a way to break the silence which wouldn’t end in his - and consequently their - imminent demise, but came up blank. So he glanced towards her briefly before setting his gaze very firmly on the dark, thundering sky outside. There was a long moment, but eventually the tension drained out of her and Carolyn sank into the seat burying her face in her hands.

“Where are you going to divert? Can you make it quick and painless?” she asked, voice muffled.

Martin felt a twinge of guilt for the vague plans he had been concocting.

“I won’t.” he sighed. “It’s only a few more hours.”

“Seven. And you’ve just come off a long trip. You can‘t fall asleep on the flight deck, that‘s the last thing I need.”

Martin took a second to reflect on the bizarre role reversal which seemed to have occurred somewhere.

“No, I’ll be fine. Need to get Douglas home. Just get Arthur to bring me some coffee.”

Looking for a sweet healthy smoothie to start your day? Well, this one certainly fits the bill. This was very tasty, and sweeter than most smoothies I've tried (that could be because I added just a wee bit more honey than was called for...trust me, you don't need to).

I love how easy and filling smoothies are, and Jesse's become quite the fan of them too, so that's a plus. If it gets him eating more fruit, then I'm all for it! For this I used actual squeezed lemon juice. I asked the guy working in the produce section if there was much of a difference between real lemon juice and the stuff you can buy in the little lemon container (which is what I was gonna use). He said he can taste a difference and recommended I stick with real lemons. If you decide to try it with the packaged lemon juice, let me know what you think...I'm curious!

That still doesn’t explain how they were able to mention the Westwood suit in TGG, as it couldcount as advertising (as Moriarty is suggesting that the suit is a particularly good one), but it’s most likely a subtle way of portraying Moriarty’s (previously unknown) identity. (Also, Mark Gatiss says in the commentary that the mention of the brand was cleared with Westwood prior to the episode being recorded). British viewers would also have noticed that John was shopping in ASDA when he had a row with the chip and pin machine. If he was shopping in Waitrose, it would have made the audience think ‘wait, I thought they were low on money?’ ASDA (and its value products) suits John’s non-materialist personality and their current financial situation. (The clothing John wears is a whole other kettle of fish though!)

"I suppose my bodily proportions are quite flattering. I'm ripped, doing something I wouldn't normally do with my body, or having done to it, involving Watson," he said cheekily. "So that's as far as I'll hit about that one, but it's all there on the Web if you want to find it. I was amazed at the level of artistry; people have spent hours doing it. And there's some really weird cross breeding stuff that goes on. The news got out that I was playing Smaug in 'Hobbit' and suddenly there were lots of dragons with purple scarves flying around so it's crazy, it's crazy."

-- call me cynical, but has someone spoken to him about not pissing off the fans?

Martin is too tired, too tense, too worried to get off

and it's making him incredibly grumpy, since wanking is basically the one pleasure he has that doesn't cost him money.

I would love if either Arthur or Douglas helped him out with his little problem

I got up early this morning and popped these organic zucchini chips in the oven for a healthy study snack. You can cut them thinly with a knife, but it helps so much to have a mandoline slicer…I love mine and use it for all kinds of chopping. You can find them on Amazon for a decent price. I love making these chips because not only are they much healthier than oily potato chips, but you can spice them up however you want. I use just a little paprika, salt and pepper on mine.

Tips: Be careful with seasoning because the zucchini will shrink a lot and you will end up with very potent bites! Eat right after taking out of the oven, they get softer as they cool…