FIRST PERSON SINGULAR is a guide to surviving, thriving and sometimes just getting through a single day. Created by Wendy Braitman

According to data from Pew Research Center and the U.S. Census Bureau, there are 96.6 million single Americans. Just 51 percent of the adult population is married, compared with 72 percent in 1960. And a recent Pew/Time Magazine survey found that 39 percent of people think marriage is becoming obsolete.


Our survey was by no means scientific, but it helps to know from whom these responses are coming. The average age of our survey participants was 46.2 years old. Women made up 82 percent of the respondents; men, 18 percent. About 35 percent said their annual income was under $50,000; 41 percent were making between $50,000 and $100,000; and 23 percent bring in more than $100,000 a year.

The burdens of poverty affect most, if not all aspects, of social relations. Most prominently (and unsurprisingly), women carry the greatest burden of the social predicaments that arise from a dire lack of economic security.  Women in groups hit hardest by financial strain easily become seen as sources of further strain on their families. Education is often either inaccessible or seen as an unnecessary part of a young girl’s growth and life.

This is not always necessarily the case, as there is much evidence that shows support of girl-child education by, specifically, mothers who realize the role education can play in providing a better life for their children. Yet, despite this, in many instances across the world (primarily in developing countries, but not limited to them), young girls are forced to accept the strain upon their families that they are perceived to pose. This position can lead many young girls, either by coercion by family or by “choice,” onto the road towards prostitution, sex slavery, or even suicide.  Yet perhaps the most common result is marriage.

An article published earlier this month on EurasiaNet explores the impact of poverty on “early marriage” in Tajikistan. The article cites a recent study by the Eurasia Foundation that looks at the issue of “informal justice” in Tajikistan. While looking at a variety of issues, the article dedicates a good amount to gender relations, specifically the issue of non-state-administered justice for women in unregistered marriages, which come in a variety of flavors, one of which is early marriage. Marriage before the age of 18 is illegal under Tajik law and subject to harsh punishment.

However, it is commonly practiced and encouraged by many religious clerics who not only feel it is sanctioned within Islam but also believe it to be a solution to the problems of poverty faced by women in a country ravaged by years of war.

Program:  Out Loud
Air date:  Tue, 02/14/2012 - 6:00pm - 8:00pm
Short Description:  Queering Sex, Love and Relationships
To celebrate Valentines Day, we are queering sex, love and relationships with a two hour special! It is our Spring Membership Drive, as well, so we're offering some special thank you gifts for new and renewing members!

We welcome Myshkin, from Myshkin's Ruby Warblers, to the show and we'll feature new music from her latest record 'That Diamond Lust'. Myshkin donated copies of this CD and a pair of tickets to her record release show at the Alberta Rose Feb 25! We'll offer these thank you gifts to new and returning members who call during the show!

We also welcome Molly Franks, Health Educator from Multnomah County Health Department's STD/HIV/Hep C programs. Molly will update us on the Health Department's health promotion work, and we discuss latest trends with sexually transmitted infections. She also shares tips for preventing STIs, where to get tested for STIs, and why communication is so important in relationships.

Kyle Z, Certified Clinical Sexologist and a certified Sex Educator, joins the conversation later in the show. Kyle will address common questions about sexual health, and he'll offer tools for self care for healthy relationships.

Have any questions about taking care of your body while you enjoy healthy sexuality? Kyle welcomes questions from the community about sexual health, healthy relationships, preventing sexually transmitted infections, and just about anything you might ask about sex. If you would like to submit questions for Kyle to answer on air, please email us at OutLoudRadio@gmail.com

Tune in Tuesday Feb 14 from 6 to 8pm for queering sex, love and relationships.

But now there’s an app to solve this exact problem. It’s called Pair, and it’s packed with the features you see in private social networks like Path, but designed for two people.

The interface starts out deceptively simple. You start by taking a photo of yourself, and then shooting a quick video on your phone (iOS only for now), that you send with the invite to your significant other.



Once they “pair” with you, you’ll be put into the app together. The interface is organized like text messages. You appear on the left, your partner on the right. But you’ll get an impressive range of options for how to stay in touch. There’s simple messaging, videos and photos (complete with the option to touch them up in Camera+). But there’s also a “thinking of you” button, which is a simple notification that’s most similar to Facebook’s classic Poke.

And, there’s a draw feature. So you can scribble all the silly pictures and sweet little ditties that you want.

The Y Combinator-backed company also provides a bunch of other smart and subtle features. A button at the top lets you turn on Facetime with a single swipe. A feature called “thumbkissing” shows your partners thumbprints whenever they’re touching the screen, and both phones will vibrate if your thumbs are on the same place. You can also create shared to-do lists and set reminders for birthdays and anniversaries. A Moments section contains all your shared photos.

More than 25 separate studies in the past two decades find that marital quality takes a dive with a baby's birth: babies raise stress, reduce happiness and otherwise upset the household, experts say. The movie, out Friday, points to that in a tagline: "Love. Happiness. Kids. Pick two."
"Kids do lower marital satisfaction and there's not much we seem to be able to do to prevent it," says Brian Doss, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. He is among researchers whose intervention studies haven't succeeded in stopping sharp declines in relationship satisfaction. "The fact that we've been largely unsuccessful may suggest it's a really difficult and tough experience and it's not necessarily a deficit in these couples' relationships or how they're approaching it."
Ninety percent of the 218 couples in an eight-year study Doss co-authored experienced a decline in satisfaction, he says.

A witness told officers that the driver of the car was a white male in his 20s, with a goatee and sunglasses and that the female "seemed hazy." The witness told police that the male stated they "were just having some fun."

The witness provided the license plate to police and officers checked the registered owner's address, which is in the 4300 block of Northeast 11th Avenue. Not finding the vehicle there but learning that the registered owner does live there and does drive a blue Subaru Legacy, officers continued to check the area, concerned for the welfare of the bound and naked female.

At 12:56 p.m., the vehicle was spotted by an officer returning to the registered owner's address. An officer made contact with a male walking away from the car and noticed a bound and naked female in the back of the car.

The male, 31-year-old Nikolas Alexander Harbar, told officers that he and his girlfriend, 26-year-old Stephanie Morgan Pelzner, were doing some Valentine's Day role playing. Officers confirmed the information with Pelzner and that she was voluntarily bound and nude in the back of the Subaru.

At least nine Portland Police cars were tied up for approximately 20 minutes searching for the vehicle related to this call.

Was there a happy ending? Not quite. Because letting everyone go with a warning would have been the equivalent of legal blue balls, Harbar and Pelzer were booked into county jail on a pair of disorderly conduct charges.

Georgia O'Keeffe and Alfred Stieglitz shared a New York City apartment where he likely made this photograph of her. Many of his early portraits of O'Keeffe-like this one made two years after they became a couple-reflect their passion for each other. Stieglitz launched O'Keeffe's career by exhibiting her paintings and drawings at his New York gallery, 291. Eventually they married, and he continued making portraits of her throughout their lives together.

This image displays a degree of eroticism as O'Keeffe's hands-with palms facing the camera-look as if they are about to squeeze a round shape in her Drawing No. 17 . This "portrait" of O'Keeffe was considered highly unconventional at the time. It is like others in the series, most of which are close-ups of her body, often with one of her abstract works of art serving as a background. The figure and background seem to blend seamlessly, forming an image that borders on abstraction.

Homa Sapiens Says:
March 7th, 2012 at 12:15 pm
Were I to pronounce a distaste for Islamism or Homosexuality or Judaism or Feminism any one of those groups could claim to be a victim of hate speech.

That’s not exactly true. Gerd’s post didn’t merely express a distaste for a large group of people: it also expressed a desire to legally prohibit an important aspect of their lives– an aspect that is entirely legal for another group which Gerd happens to belong to.

That’s what makes it hate speech.

Jonas Sicking Says:
March 7th, 2012 at 12:20 pm
Graydon’s comment here is great.

Simply saying “we’ll publish anything” is neither a wise policy nor the policy that you actually follow. I won’t express an opinion about if Gerv’s post constitutes hate speech (as that likely varies by country), but if someone were to publish unambigious hate speech I’m pretty sure the person would get kicked off planet and the post removed from the feed.

I also don’t buy the argument made by various commenters here (not the authors of the original blog post) that “well, planet contains a lot of left-wing comments too”. If there are hateful left-wing comments on planet that’s just as bad. It’s not an ok to be exclusionary even if other people have excluded you. That just means that more people are exclusionary. If you anyone putting offensive of exclusionary contents on planet, speak up, even if the contents is left-wing.

Justin Scott (fligtar) Says:
March 7th, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Some of the comments and blog post replies seem to miss the very important point that just because *you* aren’t made to feel unwelcome or demeaned by someone’s comments doesn’t mean that others aren’t.

If you see the post as purely a political opinion, that’s your perspective. To others, the post made them feel unwelcome and demeaned, and broke their trust in Planet Mozilla and/or Mozilla. Please respect that and don’t dismiss them simply because you don’t see it that way.

The increasing popularity of intermarriage. About 15% of all new marriages in the United States in 2010 were between spouses of a different race or ethnicity from one another, more than double the share in 1980 (6.7%). Among all newlyweds in 2010, 9% of whites, 17% of blacks, 26% of Hispanics and 28% of Asians married out. Looking at all married couples in 2010, regardless of when they married, the share of intermarriages reached an all-time high of 8.4%. In 1980, that share was just 3.2%.
Gender patterns in intermarriage vary widely. About 24% of all black male newlyweds in 2010 married outside their race, compared with just 9% of black female newlyweds. Among Asians, the gender pattern runs the other way. About 36% of Asian female newlyweds married outside their race in 2010, compared with just 17% of Asian male newlyweds. Intermarriage rates among white and Hispanic newlyweds do not vary by gender.
At first glance, recent newlyweds who “married out” and those who “married in” have similar characteristics. In 2008-2010, the median combined annual earnings of both groups are similar—$56,711 for newlyweds who married out versus $55,000 for those who married in. In about one-in-five marriages of each group, both the husband and wife are college graduates. Spouses in the two groups also marry at similar ages (with a two- to three-year age gap between husband and wife), and an equal share are marrying for the first time.
However, these overall similarities mask sharp differences that emerge when the analysis looks in more detail at pairings by race and ethnicity. Some of these differences appear to reflect the overall characteristics of different groups in society at large, and some may be a result of a selection process. For example, white/Asian newlyweds of 2008 through 2010 have significantly higher median combined annual earnings ($70,952) than do any other pairing, including both white/white ($60,000) and Asian/Asian ($62,000). When it comes to educational characteristics, more than half of white newlyweds who marry Asians have a college degree, compared with roughly a third of white newlyweds who married whites. Among Hispanics and blacks, newlyweds who married whites tend to have higher educational attainment than do those who married within their own racial or ethnic group.
Intermarriage and earnings. Couples formed between an Asian husband and a white wife topped the median earning list among all newlyweds in 2008-2010 ($71,800). During this period, white male newlyweds who married Asian, Hispanic or black spouses had higher combined earnings than did white male newlyweds who married a white spouse. As for white female newlyweds, those who married a Hispanic or black husband had somewhat lower combined earnings than those who “married in,” while those who married an Asian husband had significantly higher combined earnings.
Regional differences. Intermarriage in the United States tilts West. About one-in-five (22%) of all newlyweds in Western states married someone of a different race or ethnicity between 2008 and 2010, compared with 14% in the South, 13% in the Northeast and 11% in the Midwest. At the state level, more than four-in-ten (42%) newlyweds in Hawaii between 2008 and 2010 were intermarried; the other states with an intermarriage rate of 20% or more are all west of the Mississippi River. (For rates of intermarriage as well as intra-marriage in all 50 states, see Appendix 2.)
Is more intermarriage good for society? More than four-in-ten Americans (43%) say that more people of different races marrying each other has been a change for the better in our society, while 11% say it has been a change for the worse and 44% say it has made no difference. Minorities, younger adults, the college-educated, those who describe themselves as liberal and those who live in the Northeast or the West are more disposed than others to see intermarriage in a positive light.
Public’s acceptance of intermarriage. More than one-third of Americans (35%) say that a member of their immediate family or a close relative is currently married to someone of a different race. Also, nearly two-thirds of Americans (63%) say it “would be fine” with them if a member of their own family were to marry someone outside their own racial or ethnic group. In 1986, the public was divided about this. Nearly three-in-ten Americans (28%) said people of different races marrying each other was not acceptable for anyone, and an additional 37% said this may be acceptable for others, but not for themselves. Only one-third of the public (33%) viewed intermarriage as acceptable for everyone.
Divorce. Several studies using government data have found that overall divorce rates are higher for couples who married out than for those who married in – but here, too, the patterns vary by the racial and gender characteristics of the couples. These findings are based on scholarly analysis of government data on marriage and divorce collected over the past two decades.

You need to understand that humans are fucked up creatures. It's very difficult for anyone to change. Abuse is cyclical in nature, meaning we often repeat what we have seen or endured through perpetration or victimization later in life. A child who is witness to or the victim of consistent abuse may not take on the behavioral patterns as an adult, but he or she still knows the process like the back of their hand. We engage in dysfunctional behavior even if we are aware of its effects because it is comfortable.

The evidence that such messages can lead to clear, almost immediate changes in how people think and behave is accumulating fast. Students who received a supportive touch on the back or arm from a teacher were nearly twice as likely to volunteer in class as those who did not, studies have found. A sympathetic touch from a doctor leaves people with the impression that the visit lasted twice as long, compared with estimates from people who were untouched. Research by Tiffany Field of the Touch Research Institute in Miami has found that a massage from a loved one can not only ease pain but also soothe depression and strengthen a relationship.

In a series of experiments led by Matthew Hertenstein, a psychologist at DePauw University in Indiana, volunteers tried to communicate a list of emotions by touching a blindfolded stranger. The participants were able to communicate eight distinct emotions, from gratitude to disgust to love, some with about 70 percent accuracy.

Action and horror movies do tend to have a greater representation of sex workers as non-victim characters, but none of them have really resonated with me.  For example: I remember how excited I was when I read that George Romero's Land of the Dead would have a zombie-killing hooker as a main character.  But, of course, it is revealed that she was only a sex worker because the dictator of her post-apocalyptic society forced her to take that job, and she actually wanted to be in the militia protecting the city.  Thus, the character is redeemed to the audience for her whore-y sins, since they were not her choice.
I recently tweeted about how I'm not aware of a mainstream movie with a more positive and non-sensationalistic portral of a sex worker as the 1996 action hit Independence Day, and I wanted to expand on that.  Its director, Rolland Emmerich, is known for over-the-top absurdist visual spectacles of destruction with overbearing musical scores, such as in The Day After Tomorrow or 2012.  Yet, in Independence Day, he created the most normal sex worker character I've ever seen in a Hollywood film: Jasmine, played by Vivica A Fox.
Jasmine is a stripper who lives with her boyfriend Steve, a pilot in the US Marines who dreams of working for NASA.  She has a young son, and they live in a house in the suburbs of Los Angeles.  Her job as a stripper is treated as pretty much like any other job, and there's no dramatic scene where she's gang-raped and then made fun of, and her story is not one of being rescued from her work by a man.  She expresses zero desire to "escape" the sex industry, nor does her partner ever ask that of her.
Jasmine's job doesn't even really come into the plot, aside from a couple of of key moments: Steve's friend making a disparaging comment about the respectability of marrying a stripper, and Jasmine telling the First Lady (whose life she tries to save) that she's an exotic dancer, not a ballet dancer.

All the studies, which are detailed in the 2001 book, “Feeling Good is Good for You” that he co-authored with research partner Francis Brennan, examine immunoglobulin A in the saliva.

Immunoglobulin A, or IgA, is an antibody naturally produced by the body. It’s found in the bloodstream and mucous membranes in the eyes, nose, mouth and genital/urinary tract.

IgA blocks infections from entering the body and sends a message to destroy harmful cells that are already in, from the common cold to cancer, Charnetski said.

“It plays a major role not only in the resolution of a disease should we contract one, but in prevention of disease,” he said. “As such, more is better.”

Charnetski, who researches in the field of psychoneuroimmunology, wanted to find out if romantic love influenced the immune system, and sexual activity was a natural variable.

The test subjects – 112 college students engaged in relatively stable relationships – were surveyed about the frequency of their sexual activity, with answers including zero, less than one time per week, once or twice a week and more than two times per week.

The research found those in the once or twice a week group had 30 percent higher levels of IgA than those in the other three groups. The levels of those in the other groups had levels about equal.

Charnetski found no reason why the percentage dropped for the group engaging in sex more frequently, leading him to refer to ancient philosophy discouraging excess.

University researchers asked groups of men to read news articles suggesting that their local population had either more men or women. They were then asked to indicate how much money they would save each month from a paycheck, as well as how much they would borrow on credit cards for purchases.
When the articles suggested there was a surplus of men, the savings rate fell 42%, and the men were willing to borrow 84% more each month.
The study also found real-life evidence of this behavior. In Columbus, Ga., where there are 1.18 single men for every single woman, the average consumer debt was $3,479 higher than it was 100 miles away in Macon, Ga., where there were 0.78 single men for every woman.

Sex ratios don't affect women's financial decisions, but they do affect their expectations of how much men should spend on them, the study found. After reading an article stating that men outnumbered them, women expected men to spend more on dinners, Valentine's Day gifts and engagement rings.
In 2010, there were eight unmarried men for every nine unmarried women in the USA, the Census Bureau says. For unmarried Americans age 15 to 49, though, there were 11 unmarried men for every 10 unmarried women.
In some parts of the country, the ratio is more pronounced. Cities such as Birmingham, Ala. and Peoria, Ill. have a higher ratio of women, while Denver and Las Vegas have decidedly more men. The lopsided ratio for Sin City might disappoint male tourists, but it's a positive for the casinos, Griskevicius says. "Having more men than women might fuel gambling behavior," he says.

The friend zone, or occasionally friendship zone, is a dating term describing a situation in which one partner wants to become intimate romantically while the other prefers to be just friends.[1] It is generally regarded as a negative development, particularly for a man.[2] The sense is that once this has happened to a relationship, it's difficult to undo,[2][3] although there are differing views about whether it's possible to leave the friend zone and how this might be accomplished.

What’s needed now is a better grasp of (and comfort with) relationships of all kinds. And this is the kind of thinking and problem solving that is most natural to women:

Women are intuitively systems-thinkers
Women seek balance
Women care more about solutions than who gets credit
Women are the worlds’ experts on collaboration
When they are passionate about something, women never give up
While I am supportive of any and all efforts to move women into the C-Suite, the boardroom, and the President’s office, it’s hard to ignore the fact that in these traditional places, women are making slow progress, if any at all.

“Like, I fuck people I hate too. Sometimes it’s even more fun to fuck someone you hate,” he says. “But what is sex? You open your legs and I’m going to put something in there? There are so many other things more emotional than sex.”

On a basic level, I don’t disagree with him. Sex isn’t really a deciding factor in whether or not I feel close to someone. He adds that he wouldn’t care if his potential girlfriend also had sex with other people as long as she was safe and she made him a priority.

The ring - platinum, with a brushed finish and his wedding date inscribed on the inside - fits snugly on his exposed left ring finger, and in two seasons it has yet to fall off or even come loose. In truth, Fitzpatrick said he found discussing it more uncomfortable than wearing it. He does so for "personal reasons, not for everybody to talk about." But people do talk about it, particularly now that Fitzpatrick has piloted the Bills to a 5-2 record and a first-place tie with New England atop the A.F.C. East.

When Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie first noticed Fitzpatrick's ring last season, he said he had to look twice, so unfamiliar was the sight. During games, Cromartie protects his ring beneath a glove. Some players, like Tampa Bay cornerback Ronde Barber, wear a rubber band to signify their commitment. Barber's teammate, Brian Price, said his wife, Candice, understands why he does not wear his ring.

"She knows I'm her king, and she's my queen, so she doesn't care," said Price, a defensive tackle. "When I'm out there, I'm not married and I don't have family. Off the field, I'm all hers. But on the field, I'm a monster. And I don't want my queen to be associated with a monster."


Given that the N.F.L. seems to levy fines at the drop of a helmet for the slightest uniform infraction, it may be somewhat surprising that Fitzpatrick is permitted to wear the ring at all. But wearing jewelry constitutes an escape from conformity. League policy prohibits only "metal or other hard objects that project from a player's uniform, including from his shoes."

You know what though? Your ex is probably not doing any of these things. We wish they were, we wish they were bedridden and alienating close friends and never getting laid, but life doesn’t usually work that way. In fact the reality of their life post break up might be too mundane for you to bear. Every time you see a picture of your ex smiling with their friends on a night out, you wonder how they could ever smile again. You see them tweet bad jokes and wonder how they could even kid during a time like this. But here’s something that we always forget. Number one: The internet is carefully constructed to make everyone’s lives look better than they actually are. And number two: The sadness of break ups can’t be conveyed in a single photograph or status update. It’s more nuanced than that, more silent but deadly. There’s also the other option that they’re just not hurting as much as you are. That’s usually the case, isn’t it? Your ex gets to move on while you have trouble getting out of bed. But then again, we never actually know what someone is going through. We have no idea how someone is truly reacting to a break up. So we can sit here playing the guessing game and driving ourselves insane with our imagination but it won’t get us anywhere.

Your ex is probably eating a ham sandwich on their lunch break right now and maybe they’re feeling an undercurrent of melancholy sweep through them. Or maybe not. Regardless of what they’re doing or how they’re feeling, you must know that it all mattered, it all counted for something. That’s all you needed to know, right?

1. Love is real even if it doesn't last.

2. When a relationship comes to an end, always be completely honest with yourself about what you've actually lost.

After a break up, while you're replaying all of the things that were so wonderful about your relationship (the things that worked), you must also be willing to take a good honest and loving look at the things in the relationship that didn't work.

What excuses had you been making for him/her when they weren't showing up fully in the relationship? What behaviors had you been ignoring? What needs did you have that weren't being met? Where were you settling? Are you conveniently forgetting the emotional roller coaster you were on for the last X months of the relationship? What worked and what didn't?

Admitting what didn't work can never negate the things that did work. The parts of the relationship that were beautiful and loving will always remain beautiful and loving. Love is real even if it doesn't last, and nothing can change that.

IN THE 1990S, Stephanie Coontz, a social historian at Evergreen State College in Washington, noticed an uptick in questions from reporters and audiences asking if the institution of marriage was falling apart. She didn’t think it was, and was struck by how everyone believed in some mythical Golden Age of Marriage and saw mounting divorce rates as evidence of the dissolution of this halcyon past. She decided to write a book discrediting the notion and proving that the ways in which we think about and construct the legal union between a man and a woman have always been in flux.

What Coontz found was even more interesting than she’d originally expected. In her fascinating Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage, she surveys 5,000 years of human habits, from our days as hunters and gatherers up until the present, showing our social arrangements to be more complex and varied than could ever seem possible. She’d long known that the Leave It to Beaver–style family model popular in the 1950s and ’60s had been a flash in the pan, and like a lot of historians, she couldn’t understand how people had become so attached to an idea that had developed so late and been so short-lived.

For thousands of years, marriage had been a primarily economic and political contract between two people, negotiated and policed by their families, church, and community. It took more than one person to make a farm or business thrive, and so a potential mate’s skills, resources, thrift, and industriousness were valued as highly as personality and attractiveness. This held true for all classes. In the American colonies, wealthy merchants entrusted business matters to their landlocked wives while off at sea, just as sailors, vulnerable to the unpredictability of seasonal employment, relied on their wives’ steady income as domestics in elite households. Two-income families were the norm.

Many studies have found a link between how well men do economically and their height. A recent German study, for example, found that for each additional standard deviation in height (an increase of about 7 cm) West German men are paid a 4% wage premium. So for example, a man who is less than 165 cm  (5’5”) tall is, on average, paid 562€ less per month than a man who is between 185 and 195 cm (6’1” to 6’5”). Other studies that look at data from countries throughout the developed world have found very similar results – taller men do better on average in the labor market.

There are several reasons why this relationship exists beyond simple workplace discrimination, not the least of which being that adult height is related to socio-economic status in childhood. But it isn’t just income that is causing short men to fair worse on the marriage market; even when we control for income women prefer taller men.

So where is Wade getting all these dollar values for warm bodies anyway? Ah, that's the WhatsYourPrice.com difference: The site's raison d'etre is to get folks to set their bidding price for a hot date—to establish, through open trading, a stable market value for everyone who's seeking companionship. "Most of us are already pretty familiar with the idea of buying a first date," Wade's site states, but "an economic model of pricing and paying for a first date did not exist in the real world...until now." Basically, if you're "young and attractive" by WhatsYourPrice.com standards, you can put yourself up for a first-date auction and make some dough. And if you're a lonely guy with money to spend, you can buy yourself a first date with an insanely attractive woman. All the while, you're providing Wade with macro data on his macabre sexual-slave market. It's like some grand Nate Silver experiment, only, you know, completely douchey.

To be fair, Wade understands the sensitivity of his work. The Ash-Demi post includes this disclaimer:

While some of you may find this study to be offensive, please understand that it is not our intention to offend. The price value of an attractive male or female in this study is calculated from over 180,000 first date offers traded between members of our website. Our study is meant only to let us understand how humans, from a sociological and quantifiable point of view, evaluate each other.

The very next line of the "study" begins: "The following is the Cougar value graph and the Cub value graph." Don't try to fight it, folks: It's only science!

European Museum
Awards 2011
Winner of Kenneth
Hudson Award
for the most
innovative museum
in Europe

Do you ever hear any of these comments from your spouse, partner, boss, friends, colleagues, or relatives after you have expressed frustration, sadness, or anger about something they have done or said?
When someone says these things to you, it’s not an example of inconsiderate behavior. When your spouse shows up half an hour late to dinner without calling—that’s inconsiderate behavior. A remark intended to shut you down like, “Calm down, you’re overreacting,” after you just addressed someone else’s bad behavior, is emotional manipulation—pure and simple.
And this is the sort of emotional manipulation that feeds an epidemic in our country, an epidemic that defines women as crazy, irrational, overly sensitive, unhinged. This epidemic helps fuel the idea that women need only the slightest provocation to unleash their (crazy) emotions. It’s patently false and unfair.
I think it’s time to separate inconsiderate behavior from emotional manipulation and we need to use a word not in our normal vocabulary.
I want to introduce a helpful term to identify these reactions: gaslighting.

My boundary work has been crucial in my personal relationships, as well. As I started doing this work to protect myself and center myself in the jails, I realized that I could do it with the people in my personal life, too.

I began to see immediate effects in my relationships, as well as in the quality of my everyday life.

Even though I no longer work in prisons and jails, I still do this work just about every morning. When I let it slip, when I don’t take time to ground myself and honor my boundaries, I can feel a big difference.

Nowhere has this work impacted my life more than in my personal relationships. I used to feel like every person who I spent a lot of time with blew me around as I got caught up in their life. I noticed myself taking on aspects of their personalities and lifestyle and losing myself.

After doing this work, I now surround myself with people who are really attracted to me because of who I am. How I show up in the world: by my strength, my motivation, my passion—how absolutely me I am.

When the state intervenes in a family experiencing domestic violence, it's usually when violence -- or violent threats -- have gotten so bad that someone outside the family notices and complains.

Caseworkers often visit in the wake of a police call and present an ultimatum: leave your abuser, or lose your kids.

Nancy Jarrard is a domestic violence advocate with Volunteers of America.

"If they choose to remain together as a couple, and there is a new incident, then the kids are more likely to be removed. It happens. It's really common," she said.

Jarrard says families can try counseling and institute safety plans to improve things. But Jarrard says abusers seldom change completely.
Ayers is a child protective services program manager. His agency recently got six million dollars in state funding, and a federal grant, to help put domestic violence advocates, like Nanc Jarrard, into field offices. He says the stakes are high – because of where domestic violence can lead.

"We see time and again these cases where kids are severely injured, or killed, the murder-suicides and things like that. Just because at that particular time, they're focusing their attention on an adult, it doesn't mean that won't change," Ayers said.

Abuse-related deaths of kids rose from 13 to 22 between 2009 and 2010. State officials hope that by intensifying the focus on domestic violence, and bringing in experts, they can accomplish two goals: keeping mothers and kids safer, and keeping more of them together.

Even though it’s difficult to accept that the relationship has ended, I have still gained invaluable information from the experience that I may not have received otherwise. I am better able to recognize what I need in a relationship and to communicate those needs to others. Also, I’ve found the courage to face some of the issues that floated to the surface in the process of opening myself up to another person.

Yes, sometimes the lessons hurt—and like hell.  But learning is an important part of the healing process. No relationship, no matter how negative it may seem, can be considered a “failure” if you have grown as a result of the experience.

If you’re open to it, each relationship offers the potential for spiritual growth and evolution. Rest in the knowledge that while you’re learning love’s lessons in preparation for your future mate, he or she is being prepared for you, too.

The answer is yes, of course they can. But it truly varies from person to person. Chances are you have a friend in your life who you wouldn’t mind sleeping with. They’re cute, you’ll be drunk, whatever, it feels right! When faced with the prospect of dating them, however, you’re completely turned off. You just don’t have that dating chemistry and the thought has never even crossed your mind. You just don’t think of them in that way. This is because sex chemistry is different than dating chemistry. It’s a lot easier to take your clothes off for someone than snuggle with them in bed while ordering delivery and watching Bravo.

This image of a “submissive boy with a rosary” was suggested by Emily Marigold. I like it in part for the obvious talent in the drawing, the signs of anguish, evinced by lacerations on the man’s shoulder and the smudged eyeliner, and the fact that he’s wearing eyeliner in the first place. And, yes, I also like seeing the broken rosary, since it offers a narrative hook to imagine him as someone religiously persecuted—a martyr.

Martyrdom is a common narrative among BDSM players; “I’ll take it for you.” Certainly sexy, but many utilize the script to abdicate personal agency; rarely do these bottoms remember the more important words: “I want to take it for you.” As Dr. Staci Newmahr writes, “Martyrdom bottoming does not rely on the ultimate denial of pleasure, but in adherence to a martyr script.”

It’s unfair to levy blame on the bottoms who display such unthinking loyalty to this cultural script, though, especially the men. Other than martyrdom, common characterizations of men bottoming rely on archetypal feminization, whether implicitly (the meme of submissive men doing housework is a particularly sexist example) or explicitly (“sissified sissy maids who insist on talking about their sissy clitty”). These are obviously problematic formulations for any masculine-of-center individuals, not just men.

The couple spent much of their time apart since Democrat Kurt Schrader, 59, was elected represent the Fifth District in 2008. He won the seat vacated by Darlene Hooley. <br />
<br />
The Schraders were a political team. She served as her husbands' chief of staff during in the early years in the Legislature, where he served for 15 years. <br />
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<br />
Martha Schrader was appointed Clackamas County commissioner 2003 and was re-elected twice. She was appointed to her husband's state senate seat after he was elected to Congress. She lost a close Senate race last fall. <br />
<br />
During Martha Schrader's time on the county commission there were rumors that the couple's marriage was in trouble. <br />
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Martha Schrader announced Tuesday that next year she will seek another term on the county commission.

When it comes to discussing sex we’re clearly doing something wrong because Britain has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in western Europe.

British Tory MP Nadine Dorries believes she has the answer. She’s proposed a Bill calling for all girls aged 13 to 16 to be given lessons in how to say no to sex.

She claims society is “saturated in sex” and teenagers should be taught that it is just as “cool” to abstain as it is to know how to use a condom.

But UK Labour MP Chris Bryant said the Bill is “the daftest piece of legislation” he had seen as there is no evidence that teaching abstinence would lead to fewer pregnancies or cases of sexually transmitted diseases.

She believes that behind the scaremongering, our kids are more clued up and sensible than we think.

Statistics suggest the same. The latest data from the Office for National Statistics shows teenage pregnancies are at their lowest rate since the early 80s. The under-18 conception rate for 2009 was 38.3 per 1,000 women aged 15 to 17, down from 40.7 per 1,000 women aged 15 to 17 in 2008.

Dr Boynton says: “Evidence suggests that most under 16s haven’t had sex."

Just over fifty hate crimes were reported in Portland last year, with 20 of them due to perceived sexual orientation. Almost exactly one year ago, a group of people in drag were assaulted downtown and last fall, a gay man in SE Portland was terribly beaten while walking home.

Last years' assaults prompted discussions between the LGBT people, local police, and state law enforcement. Those conversations pushed the attorney general to quickly set up a system to report hate crimes online. More info about who commits hate crimes in Oregon is here.

Portland Police have just announced that two men reported being assaulted near the Hawthorne Bridge on Sunday, a crowd of guys beating them because they were gay. Here's the full description from police:

On Sunday May 22, 2011 at 8:30 p.m. 23 year-old Brad Forkner and 25 year-old Christopher Rosevear were attacked by several suspects as they walked from the Hawthorne Bridge on the trail to the East Bank Esplanade.
Forkner and Rosevear had walked holding hands in Waterfront Park from the Burnside Bridge before going over the Hawthorne Bridge. As they walked they knew several men were behind them talking, laughing and pointing but they were not sure it was directed at them.

They walked onto the Hawthorne Bridge from Waterfront Park. They walked across the Hawthorne Bridge onto the trail toward the East Bank Esplanade. As they walked Forkner was pushed and punched by several subjects. He was able to break away to call 911. When he dialed 911 he was prompted to say 911, he yelled 911 into the cell phone and that seemed to stop the suspects from assaulting Rosevear. The suspects were hitting him in the head, face, back and ribs. The suspects are described as male, white, in their 20's and all about 5'11" inches tall. One was wearing a blue hooded sweatshirt, another was wearing a white or cream hooded sweatshirt and the third was wearing a brown hooded sweatshirt. The suspects ran south on the trail past the two victims.

When police arrived they searched the area for the suspects but found none. The victims said there were several people in the area when the attack occurred but none helped in any way. No one even yelled, "Stop" or "We are calling police".

Here are a few other red flags from Southworth and the whole team of experts at the National Network to End Domestic Violence, both for you and -- in case you’re worried about a friend -- for her:

Watch out if your guy:

Is so crazy about you he wants to settle in as soon as you meet.
Is really, weirdly jealous. (He should be uncomfortable if you go away for the weekend with your ex-boyfriend, but if he accuses you of flirting with every guy you encounter -- the waiter, the cashier, a gay buddy -- it's a red flag.)
Texts so much, it sometimes creeps you out.
Doesn’t think your friends and family value you enough, or even at all.
Also watch out if:

You are always tired because he keeps you up at night.
You’re always explaining to people “I can’t go.”
Your anxiety soars if you’re just a few minutes late -- you know how upset he’ll be.
Things are always your fault.
You get a lot of apology emails or make-up gifts from him.
You find you don’t do anything without him, or without him approving of it.
Run if:

!! You find out he had a violent relationship with a former girlfriend.
!! He stalks you -- at work, online, with GPS in your car.
!! He beats up a teammate or has a punch-out in a bar.
!! He’s ever been cruel to animals.
!!! He is ever physically violent to you.
And if you’re worried about a friend? She might be in trouble if:

She starts saying she can’t come to things you invite her to (because she has to be with her boyfriend).
When you’re with her, she’s always on-edge about returning his messages immediately or being late to meet him.
She has bruises or scratches she can’t explain or tells you they were caused by an accident.
She stops doing things she loved before meeting the guy -- hobbies, shopping, school, even working.
You just feel like you’re losing her.
Have you or a friend ever witnessed any of these warning signs?

At Dalhousie University in Halifax, Nova Scotia, professor Marina Adshade teaches a popular undergraduate course called "Economics of Sex and Love," in which students apply the analytical and statistical tools available to economists to examine human sexuality. Topics in the course—which Marina will explore in this blog, too—include dating and marriage, promiscuity, infidelity, risky sexual behavior, the relation between sex and happiness, and markets for sex such as prostitution, pornography, and lap dancing.Economic theory suggests that sex makes people happy. Marina finds that economics plus sex is also very satisfying.  May this blog be as good for you as it is for her.

Asked to evaluate the reasons they got married, married respondents place the greatest value on love (93% say this is a very important reason), followed by making a lifelong commitment (87%), companionship (81%), having children (59%), and, at the bottom of the list, financial stability (31%). Unmarried adults order the reasons the same way when asked to evaluate why they would consider getting married. But if economic security is no longer a key reason people marry, the lack of economic security nonetheless appears to be a key reason people don't get married. In 1960, there was virtually no difference by socio-economic status in the proclivity to marry: 76% of college graduates and 72% of adults who did not attend college were married. By 2008, that small gap had widened to a chasm: 64% of college graduates were married, compared with just 48% of those with a high school diploma or less. During this same period, the income gap between the well-educated and the less-educated -- and between the rich and poor -- also widened substantially. A 2010 Pew Research survey finds that among the unmarried, there are no significant differences by education or income in the desire to get married; just under half of the college educated (46%) and those who have a high school diploma or less (44%) would like to get married. Likewise, roughly similar shares of the unmarried who earn above and below $100,000 a year would like to marry. But the survey also finds that the less education and income people have, the more likely they are to say that in order to be a good marriage prospect, a person must be able to support a family financially.

One of the most common requests we receive is from students seeking statistics for their reports and from programs seeking statistics to bolster their requests for grant money and other funding. This page should point you in the right direction for finding up-to-date information covering a variety of statistical reporting on abuse issues, whether you are looking for frequently cited resources or for statistics by state.

It must be noted however, that there always remains the "gray element" in crime; that is, those incidents which occur but are never reported or are classified in ways which make it difficult to determine the true nature of the incident.

A prime example of this is domestic violence in same sex couples. Whether it's because the officer taking the report didn't know, didn't care or didn't want to "call it that", or because the parties involved were reluctant to expose the nature of the relationship, most domestic violence incidents between gays and lesbians end up classified as "assault" or "battery" - seriously skewing the true statistics and making it almost impossible to use the common statistical reports for guidance or insight into the issue.

Another often problematic example occurs when trying to extrapolate information from statistical reports where external factors play an important role, yet aren't accounted for. Any amount of research concerning victimization is bound to run into strange and misleading numbers.

An obvious example of this concerns abuse in low vs. high income families. While on the surface, it may appear that low levels of income go hand-in-hand with higher levels of domestic violence, one must keep in mind that available income has significant weight on the options available to victims.

In May 2005, in Grants Pass, Oregon, Wendy Maldonado was arrested and charged with the murder of her husband, Aaron.[1] According to Wendy Maldonado, the incident took place after almost 20 years of violent domestic abuse committed by Aaron against his wife and their four sons. Days later her eldest son, Randall (known as Randy), was arrested for his part in the killing. In 2006, a plea bargain led Wendy and Randy to plead guilty to the reduced charges of manslaughter.[2] Wendy was sentenced to 120 months imprisonment and Randy to 75 months imprisonment.[1] Before sentencing, Randy was detained in jail while Wendy was allowed home on bail to take care of her other three children.
The film follows Wendy in the final days before she begins her sentence and includes home video footage of the family over the years of the Maldonado's marriage, and interviews with friends, family members and neighbors, some of whom witnessed the domestic abuse.[1]

"The Registrar's Manual for Detecting Forced Marriages"

The research suggests "that there is little or no average effect of [family meal frequency] on child cognitive and behavioral outcomes during the period from kindergarten to eighth grade." Previous studies may not be wrong, but their results "should be interpreted with caution," according to Daniel P. Miller and Wen-Jui Han. The two acknowledge that their research did not look at older teenagers; earlier research has suggested that adolescents who often have family meals are less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol or to have behavior problems.

A recent Pew Research Center report on family issues includes some data on frequency of family meals, taken from a survey of adults last October. Among parents of children under age 18, half say they have dinner every day with some or all of their children, 34% say they have family meals a few times a week, 11% say they do so occasionally and 3% say they never do.

Sexversations® is a sexy, entertaining and powerful educational tool that’s all about inspiring straight talk and clever discussions about sex, intimacy, relationships, safety, sexuality, and questions to open your mind and challenge your conscience.

We created the Sexversations® card game to encourage honest, healthy conversations about sex. Sexversations® can enhance your sexual literacy, sexual well being and sexual health and help you learn more about yourself, others and how to become safer, more secure and sexually empowered.

5. They drink and eat all kinds of weird shit just because they like the packaging.

The Rutgers University student accused of using a webcam to spy on two men having a tryst -- one of whom later killed himself -- has been indicted on a hate crime charge in a case that brought nationwide attention to gay suicides.

Middlesex County Prosecutor Bruce J. Kaplan on Wednesday said a grand jury has indicted Dharun Ravi, 19, on 15 counts stemming from the September 2010 incident. The charges include invasion of privacy, evidence tampering and witness tampering.

Rutgers student Tyler Clementi, who was Ravi's roommate, jumped off the George Washington Bridge on Sept. 22, days after Ravi and another student allegedly used the webcam to peek at Clementi having a liaison with another man.

Clementi was an 18-year-old violinist in his first weeks of college.

The indictment accuses Ravi of targeting Clementi because of his sexual orientation.

The Roots of Change Biennial Conference began in 2007 and focuses on the prevention of gendered violence. Each conference focuses on a unique theme. Our theme for 2011 will be media, entertainment, and pop culture. We are very excited to partner with Men Can Stop Rape to offer the next Roots of Change on November 2-4, 2011 at the Benson Hotel in Portland, featuring the reknowned Jessica Valenti. Read the save the date and stay tuned for more information!

I was lucky in being able to see how a rape victim should be treated afterwards: with love and respect, acceptance for what happened. She was never blamed for the rape. But she was also portrayed as completely innocent and the rape was implied to have been violent.

What I also took away from the conversation with my mother was this: rape makes babies. So for a long time, I thought rape was the verb for sex. I mashed my bootleg Ken and Barbie together, Barbie saying "rape me."

The thing about this is that even in these imaginations, where in my head, women are more or less always seducing men, the word I used was "rape". Because the one time I used the word "fuck" I was told it was a bad word. My family didn't speak any Chinese dialects around me (and certainly NEVER sex-related topics in dialects) nor did I know Malay well enough. So in my understanding, this action which tended to result in pregnancy, which I knew anyway was something adults did for pleasure, was "sex" when it was a noun, but the verb was "rape".

It would be a few years before I understood that rape is a bad thing, only after several newspaper reports using the word to describe really awful situations.

Geek 2 Geek is the safe, friendly, and easy to use site where geeks and their admirers can find each other. Whether you're looking for romance or just friendship, this is the place to hook up.

When it comes to mowing the lawn, cleaning the kitchen and performing other household chores, Southern European and some Asian men are the least likely to take part, according to a study by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development.

The Paris-based think tank surveyed 29 countries to determine how much time people spent doing unpaid work.

The results showed women spent considerably longer than men doing daily chores, a factor that could hinder their ability to take part in paid employment, the study says.

Italian and Portuguese men spent less than two hours a day helping out at home

TOKYO, JAPAN - DECEMBER 14: Developer of 'Hizamakura', or lap pillow, Makoto Igarashi, introduces the product at Trane Co., Ltd.'s HQ on December 14, 2004 in Tokyo, Japan. The 'Hizamakura', priced at 8,980 yen (86 USD), is a life-size pillow in the shape of a woman's hip and legs and is one of popular prize items for the Christmas and year-end parties.

Ashley Judd is a very courageous woman. I am not referring to her work as a global ambassador for YouthAids, or her efforts to end poverty and sexual violence in underdeveloped nations overseas, or even her journey here in America as an actress, mother, daughter of a country music star, and avid supporter of Barack Obama’s 2008 presidential campaign, animal rights, and equality for women. No, none of that.

Ms. Judd is fearless because she wears her life and her feelings on her chest, bare, in plain sight, and has written a stunning new memoir, “All That is Bitter and Sweet,” which discusses, with rawness and candor, her being sexually abused as a child by a grown man. We as Americans are deceiving ourselves if we do not think various forms of gender violence against women and girls is not at epidemic proportions, because it is.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month in America and, sadly, as I do a quick scan, right this moment, of New York headlines just from the past 2-3 days, there is the Manhattan man who stabbed his girlfriend to death, and the Brooklyn man who choked his girlfriend until she likewise died. Simply imagine the reported and unreported tales of American women and girls being abused, molested, stalked, street harassed, raped, beaten, choked, stabbed, shot, set on fire, or murdered each and every single day. Then imagine these same acts in nations across the globe, each and every single day. Thus, Ashley Judd’s very personal saga is for women and girls in America, overseas, everywhere, whose voices have not been heard. Or roundly dismissed or ignored.

AMERICA'S SMARTEST GIRL


ASK NICOLE
PORTLAND, OREGON
America's Smartest Girl, Nicole Georges, channels her powers for good as she drums up answers to the world's most complicated questions.

Romance, Career, Health, Pets, Finance.

In total 1,247 respondents, ages 14 to 24, were interviewed. The survey was fielded online from September 11 through September 25, 2009, and the mean survey length was approximately 15 minutes.

As part of its multi-year public affairs campaign to address the emerging issue of teen digital abuse, MTV partnered with the AP on a study that provides an in depth look at the prevalence of digital abuse among young people today. This research was designed to quantify how young people are affected by and respond to issues like sexting, digital harassment and digital dating abuse.

when you first began to sense you are seeing signs of a cheating spouse, immediately comes the pain of feeling inadequate. Why else would they wander? The message you receive: you are no longer enough. You no longer satisfy. You have become dull and uninteresting.
Recovering from Infidelity: Where Did It All Begin?
Which, of course, could be not true at all. The impetus for the betrayal could easily lie with what is going on with your spouse or partner and have little to do with you.
This feeling of I-am-no-longer-enough is particularly hard on women due to the worship of youth in our culture, but believe me, it is difficult for men as well.
Because we have defined our life with our partner, that definition has “meaning” to us. If a person off the street approached you and told you were plain and uninteresting, I doubt you would care much. Bugger off, leave me be. But, when it comes from a trusted partner, it carries weight. It has “meaning.”

An entire relationship told through photos in four minutes.

It's easy to feel sorry for lonely dudes. Beyond the fact that they are desolate, there are entire industries devoted to making them feel worse and taking their money. (The same goes for lonely ladies, as well, but let's keep the focus on guys for a moment). So, when apps like 'Cloud Girlfriend' come along, offering to create the "perfect woman" who will fake a loving relationship with someone on Facebook, we can't decide what concerns us more: the fact that individuals might actually pay for this service out of desperation, or that the creators actually thought it could be a lucrative service.

The site itself provides little information, so we signed up to see if we could get the inside scoop. Of course, the sign-up sheet only encourages us to invite more people (so our "invite" could be processed more quickly), and there isn't an FAQ to be found. According to All Facebook, those who are familiar with Facebook's terms of services believe 'Cloud Girlfriend' will be nipped at the bud. If not, we have several questions:
Can I have a Cloud Girlfriend? Or does the Cloud Girlfriend only cater to heterosexual needs?
If she is virtual, does that mean she will be rendered in goofy AI?
Why do I need to be invited to create something generated by an app?
What's more embarrassing: not having a girlfriend because you haven't met the right lady, or paying a virtual service to publicly fake a relationship?
That being said, here's an idea for a brilliant start-up: get real girls to be fake girlfriends, complete with fully realized lives. You know, create pictures, Photoshop the two of you together, and have her post things on your Wall like, "Happy Birthday baby!", "You make me feel like a natural woman," etc.