The president’s deficit panel says the best way to cut the deficit is to curb increases in Social Security, cut defense spending and do away with a bunch of tax breaks currently in effect. That loud mooing sound is “When hell freezes over, pal!” in Sacred Cow.

Up in Alaska, they’re trying to decide whether write-in votes for Morkowski, Murkrowski, or Mascousci should count for Susan Murkowski. See, your second-grade teacher told you spelling would be important later in life.

A woman may have been fired for being “too sexy”.  We’re just glad people can’t be fired for being “not nearly sexy, like, at all.”

A drive-thru sex shop has opened in Alabama.  Pretty much everything is super-sized.

A girls’ soccer team has acted inappropriately in one of the first signs that soccer may finally be moving up to par with football.

Alcoholic energy drinks are being banned because folks who drink them are apparently too dumb to know you could get the same effect by alternating beers and cups of coffee.

Brad Paisley and Miranda Lambert were the big winners in last night’s County Music Association Tribute to Plastic Surgery and Pitch Correction.

Hillary Clinton was kinda funny during a radio interview. On purpose.

Protesting at funerals may be banned.  May?  Might?  Could be?  Seriously?