'... but nothing gets the hair on the back of my neck to stand up in empathized embarrassment like hearing a smart person say “utilize” when all they needed was a simple “use”'

Translating Ali G for USians.

"Last year's winner, Jack Smoothy, wrote a touching letter to his teaching assistant that made her cry."

My word: 'Watergate'

"However you spell this concoction, it is the mixture which makes up many of the structural walls of Brighton and is responsible for much structural instability, dryrot, dampness, and probably plague and pestilence as well."

Excellent.

What a fantastic name