“Here is evidence that suggests that when your football team does well, grades suffer,” said Dr. Waddell, who compared transcripts of over 29,700 students from 1999 to 2007 against Oregon’s win-loss record. For every three games won, grade-point average for men dropped 0.02, widening the G.P.A. gender gap by 9 percent. Women’s grades didn’t suffer. In a separate survey of 183 students, the success of the Ducks also seemed to cause slacking off: students reported studying less (24 percent of men, 9 percent of women), consuming more alcohol (28 percent, 20 percent) and partying more (47 percent, 28 percent).

Despite Its TV Ubiquity, the League Won't Share "All-22" Footage; Second-Guessing the Coach

Where else but football would you find clubs with nicknames like the Rat Stabbers, the Lepers, and the Scoundrels? All these and more can be found in Argentina, which also boasts the Millionaires and the Tripe Sellers.

I decide to leave ESPN, start my own blog and charge $10 per year for anyone to read my column. Just for fun -- again, it's hypothetical! -- let's say one million readers sign up, guaranteeing me $10 million for that first year (2007). And let's say I sign advertising deals with three sponsors for another $2 million apiece, raising my total haul to $16 million for Year 1. I spend the next 12 months writing and pinching myself for my good fortune. Life is good.

Once a year, an awful lot of people are forced to pretend to care about football.

Some friend or partner of theirs drags them to a Super Bowl party, and while it can be worth the hassle just to experience the expensive commercials, the unhealthy food, the surfeit of alcohol, the hilariously dumb halftime show, the Puppy Bowl, or drunk people wearing unattractive props, many people would rather spend three hours passing a stone than watch the actual game.

This year, pay attention to the game because of the players. These guys have stories.