oxoniensis + humour   288

Strobelight Serenade by panicandstartariot (The Avengers (2012), ensemble, Tony/Steve, PG, 10,809 words)
The Avengers get shanghaied into chaperoning a high school prom. In Steve's opinion, things go downhill from there, but Tony's determined to save the night. With the Macarena.
The-Avengers  Marvel  fiction  Tony-Stark  Steve-Rogers  Steve-Rogers/Tony-Stark  Thor  Clint-Barton  Natasha  Bruce-Banner  gen  slash  crack  humour 
21 days ago by oxoniensis
My Master's Secret Mission by David Hines (I Dream of Jeannie, Jeannie, Nelson, Healey, Bellows, G, 4,283 words)
I am THE LUCKIEST GENIE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!

My Master has given me a DIARY! He says that now I can write down things that happened, so I will be able to remember them!

I said, but Master, my memory is perfect, genies always remember everything! and my Master said, what about the time Major Healey and I thought your sister might be impersonating you, and we asked you what we had done just the night before, and you didn't remember? and I shrugged, and then he said, and what about all the times I told you to stay home, and you didn't remember I said that? and I shrugged, and then he said, and what about all the times I told you to not use your powers because that only Makes Things Worse, and you didn't remember I said THAT? and I said, but Master, if genies were predictable, we would not be genies! and Major Healey said, ain't that the truth.

I am SO GLAD that Major Healey understands me.
I-Dream-of-Jeannie  fiction  Jeannie  Major-Anthony-Nelson  Major-Roger-Healey  Colonel-Bellows  gen  humour  yuletide 
january 2012 by oxoniensis
Work Experience by Anon (Better Off Ted, Veronica, Ted, G, 650 words)
The great thing about working at Veridian Dynamics is they’re always full of surprises. Well, no - actually nothing the company does surprises me anymore. But the great thing about working with Veronica is that she always finds a way to make the inevitable interesting.
Better-Off-Ted  fiction  Ted  Veronica  gen  humour  yuletide 
december 2011 by oxoniensis
A Fine Frenzy by Anonymous (Haven [Archive of Our Own]
"It's...you."

"Me."

"Well, not you you. But...yeah. You."

"Me," she said again.

"And I promise, you'll be glad I handled this one without you."

"Without me."

"Well," Nathan said. "Without you you."

"Now I've got to come," Audrey said, and walked out the door ahead of him.
Haven  fiction  Duke-Crocker/Audrey-Parker/Nathan-Wournos  Audrey-Parker  Duke-Crocker  Nathan-Wournos  humour  casefile  gen  yuletide 
december 2011 by oxoniensis
Supernatural's Flying Circus by ash48 and maichan808
Warning: Crude humour. Probably NSFW (PG-13)
Category: Crackity crack! Like whoa!
Length: 4.10 (streaming or 70 MB DivX download)
Summary: Monty Python meets Supernatural
Supernatural  video  Dean-Winchester  Sam-Winchester  Castiel  ensemble  crack  humour  gen 
december 2011 by oxoniensis
I Just Had Sex by mresundance (Thor, Thor/Mjolnir, Thor/ Loki, Mjolnir/Everyone, vid)
Song and Artist: "I Just Had Sex" by The Lonely Island (featuring Akon)
Fandom: Thor (2011 movie, Marvel comics, mythology, artwork)
Length: 02:54
Summary: When I had the sex, man my hammer felt great.
Thor(2011)  Marvel  video  Thor  Loki  Thor/Loki  Thor/Mjolnir  slash  humour  crack 
december 2011 by oxoniensis
Freaky (Fifth-Dimensional) Fridayby mithen (DCU, Clark/Bruce, Mxyzptlk, Bat-Mite, ensemble, G, 8,748 words)
"Here's the rules," Mxy said before they could get sidetracked. Bat-Mite was his best buddy but he had a tendency to be scatter-brained. "You've changed bodies for forty-eight hours." He brandished a watch marked, improbably, up to "forty-eight o'clock." "You have to live each others' lives for that long. And if anyone guesses about the switch, the change will be...permanent."
DCU  fiction  Clark  Bruce-Wayne  Bruce/Clark  Mxyzptlk  Bat-Mite  Dick-Grayson  Alfred  ensemble  slash  humour  firsttime 
november 2011 by oxoniensis
A Family Tradition by derryderrydown (Captain America, Iron Man, Tony/Steve, teen, 823 words)
Steve was looking earnest. Which was kind of his default expression but he was looking especially earnest right now. "I've been reading about safe sex," he said, "and all the pamphlets say we need to discuss our previous sexual partners before we do this."
MarvelThe-Avengers  IronMan  Captain-America  Tony-Stark  Steve-Rogers  Steve-Rogers/Tony-Stark  fiction  slash  humour  crack 
november 2011 by oxoniensis
Excerpts From The Gospel of Harvey Specter ... by RC_McLachlan (Suits, Harvey/Mike, teen, 7,395 words)
If Harvey Specter were a textual medium, he'd be a Gospel. Although Mike is sure that, given a choice, Harvey would choose to be the whole Bible and Genesis would pretty much end up being, "And on the eighth Day, God was like, 'Dude, I almost forgot. I totally need to make a guy who can be me and do my work on Earth, therefore freeing the common man of all his burdens -- including the burdens of his wallet. And living in a multi-million dollar high rise in New York couldn't hurt. He can be my gift to the world. I'll call him Harvey and give him stupidly expensive suits and an oddly perfect mouth.'"
Suits  fiction  Harvey-Specter  Mike-Ross  Harvey/Mike  humour  firsttime  slash 
october 2011 by oxoniensis
I Swear by dualbunny, greensilver and sweetestdrain (Smallville, Clark/Lex, vid)
12 years later. A Clark/Lex story. With Kryptonite unicorns, mpreg and a kitty baby!
Smallville  video  Clark  Lex  Lex/Clark  slash  crack  humour 
august 2011 by oxoniensis
Pilea involucrata by fledmusic (The Social Network, Mark/Eduardo, R, 7,000 words)
Well. Eduardo had said he needed to get Mark’s attention. Mark just hadn’t really thought that “get your attention” would mean “turn into a plant,” but Eduardo did tend to be really unnecessarily dramatic sometimes.
SocialNetwork  fiction  Mark/Eduardo  slash  humour  crack  firsttime 
august 2011 by oxoniensis
Smile Time: the Comic by AstridV (Angel: the Series, Angel, Spike, teen, six pages)
Angel wants to blow off steam. Things don't go quite as expected.
Six pages of gratuitous Spike&Angel snarkage: a tag to the season five episode 'Smile Time' in which our dark and brooding hero got transformed into a puppet.
AtS  art  comic-strip  comic  Angel  Spike  humour 
july 2011 by oxoniensis
Heel Turn by brownbetty (Star Trek: Reboot, Kirk, Sulu, ensemble, PG-13ish, 2,064 words)
Eventually, they discover it's all McCoy's fault. “What!” he protests. “He came to me with his hand sliced open from that damn pig-sticker of his, and I told him to find a hobby with fewer monomolecular edges! It's sound medical advice!”

Jim steals the whiskey McCoy thinks he has hidden behind the condenser coils in retaliation. It doesn't really come close to making things even.
Star-Trek  fiction  Kirk  Sulu  ensemble  gen  humour 
february 2011 by oxoniensis
Inked by thehoyden (Hawaii Five-0, Danny/Steve, Kono, Chin, explicit, 6,541 words)
Of course Steve is enjoying himself. They're bait for a serial killer who has some sort of serious hangup about tattooing loved ones' names on their skin -- of course Steve thinks this is practically like a vacation, but better, because the chances of collateral damage are higher.
Hawaii50  fiction  Danny/Steve  Danny-Williams  Steve-McGarret  Kono-Kalakaua  Chin-Ho-Kelly  slash  humour  firsttime 
january 2011 by oxoniensis
The Roaring Game by Anon (Sports Night, Dan/Casey, G, 1,042 words)
Dan leans back in his chair, chewing his pencil. “At 27, the skip is the oldest member of the team,” he reads off the sheet.

“The Danish national curling team.”

“Yes.”

“What’s a skip?”

“I dunno. I think it might be the brooms they use.”

Casey swivels his chair around to raise his eyebrows at Dan. “The oldest member of the Danish national curling team is a broom?”

“Take it up with Jeremy, he wrote this.”
SN  fiction  Dan-Rydell  Casey  Dan/Casey  humour  slash  yuletide 
december 2010 by oxoniensis
Guns 'n' Neuroses by Anon (Frasier, Supernatural, Frasier, Niles, Martin, Daphne, teen, 2,592 words)
It should be noted, before events get underway, that Hester Crane didn’t die on the ceiling in a cheap white nightgown. Neither Frasier nor Niles would ever have gotten over the humiliation of knowing that she’d willingly worn polyester.
Frasier  Supernatural  fiction  Frasier-Crane  Niles-Crane  Daphne-Moon  Martin-Crane  gen  humour  yuletide 
december 2010 by oxoniensis
Just Like the Saturday Morning PBS Kids Lineup by moonythestrals (Hawaii Five-0, Danny/Steve, R, 4,400 words)
The speed of Steve McGarrett's age regression as a function of time exposed to Danny Williams, chart to follow. Plot is tenuous, snark is aplenty.
Hawaii50  fiction  Danny/Steve  slash  humour 
november 2010 by oxoniensis
Golf by flaming_muse (Sports Night , Dan/Casey, PG, 4,700 words)
“I can’t believe this is the more sane topic of conversation,” Jeremy said as he leaned forward around her and addressed Dan, “but if you don’t play golf, how can you have given it up?”

“By declaring it.” Dan stood up. “I have given up golf,” he announced again. He looked around to make sure everyone heard him before returning to his seat. “See?”
SN  fiction  Dan/Casey  Dan-Rydell  Casey  Dana  Natalie  Jeremy  Isaac  ensemble  slash  firsttime  humour 
august 2010 by oxoniensis
Very Superstitious by novembersmith (Generation Kill, PG, Poke, Ray, PG-13, 2,994 words)
"That had better be my own hand on my thigh right now, suddenly gone all leached of melanin and psycho-possessed so I don’t know it," Tony says evenly. He doesn't look down at the grubby fingers wrapped just above his knee, twitching slightly. It is entirely possible that would be taken as encouragement. "Else I'ma cut it off with my KA-BAR. Might do it anyway."

"Poke, you are so bad at gay chicken," Ray complains mournfully, and doesn’t move his hand. Motherfucker. “Didn’t all the other little Mexicans teach you to play right in your LA fishing village? Now it’s your go.”
GenerationKill  fiction  Espera  Ray-Person  gen  humour 
july 2010 by oxoniensis
Tenth Doctor: The Musical by di-br (Doctor Who, ensemble, vid)
Summary: The Tenth Doctor Era, told through the power of music!
Length: 6:58; .wmv, 118 MB or streaming on youtube
Dr-Who  video  Ten  Rose  Martha  Donna-Noble  Nine  Jack-Harkness  humour  gen 
may 2010 by oxoniensis
Pay Grade by captanddeastar (White Collar, Neal/Peter, PG-13, 3,500 words)
When Elizabeth opens the door and sees the two of them on the porch, she laughs and laughs and laughs.

“It’s not that funny,” Peter mutters – Neal silently disagrees. It is definitely that funny.
White-Collar  fiction  Neal-Caffrey  Peter-Burke  Neal/Peter  slash  firsttime  humour 
january 2010 by oxoniensis
This Scar Is Named John McClane by basingstoke (Die Hard, John/Matt, Zeus, adult, 1,70 4 words)
Zeus looks from Matt to John, then back to Matt. Then he stares at John. "You son of a bitch. You want in this boy's pants."

John chokes.

"You bring him here, acting all friendly, hoping I'll drop a hint that I used to stick my cock up your lazy white ass. Hoping I'll do the work for you! Well I have news for you, John McClane! I AM NOT YOUR MAGICAL NEGRO!" Zeus stood up from the table. "Put down the pie and get the hell out of my house!"
Die-Hard  fiction  John/Matt  Zeus  slash  humour 
january 2010 by oxoniensis
As Garlic Cloves and Butter by Anon (Romeo and Juliet - Shakespeare, Romeo, Benvolio, Mercutio, PG, 1200 words)
"For as long as I have lived, Romeo has been at my side--or I at his, to better tell the truth. I wonder if the press of Romeo's left arm has left an imprint on my own."

Mercutio has peered in closer. "Ah! I see! The bend of your right elbow has a distinctive melancholic, love-despondent droop." He held up a hand, blocking all of Benvolio from his view save for the remarkable elbow. "Benvolio! Where have you gone, friend? For all I see is Romeo here!"

"That is not what I--"

Mercutio grabbed the elbow and jostled it up and down. "Ah, me!" he cried in imitation of Romeo. "Ah life, ah love, ah me! Ah she I love, and me she doth disdain!"

"You are an ass," Benvolio said, but he was smiling and didn't knock Mercutio's hand away.
Shakespeare  fiction  Romeo  Benvolio  Mercutio  gen  humour  yuletide 
january 2010 by oxoniensis
Delicious by Anon (Eddie Izzard - Standup Routines, PGish, 3,422 words)
Because there are only two things that polar bears really care about, you see, and those two things are Christmas and Coca-Cola. It's a good idea to carry spare bottles of the stuff when you're in Churchill, just in case. Have to watch yourself, though. They're man-eaters, polar bears. Yes, only known predators of man in the animal kingdom. People can't really eat them, which seems unfair. This is a true fact — polar bear flesh has to be prepared a very specific way, otherwise you get trichinosis, which, if you're not up on your parasites, is caused by a worm that burrows into your intestines and makes itself cozy inside these cysts all throughout your body. Not very comfortable, being full of worms. Not very comfortable being torn apart either. Polar bears are easy to get away from, though. If you're ever being menaced by a polar bear, you can just point behind it and go "Father Christmas!" and the polar bear will turn around every time. I read it in a brochure.
EddieIzzard-Standup  fiction  gen  yuletide  humour  crack 
january 2010 by oxoniensis
Lord Wolfe and the Ape-Leader by Anon (Fairytales, original characters, G, 32,401 words)
The sensible Flora Pilkington is delighted to be asked to accompany her cousin Emily, a wealthy heiress, on a sojourn to Bath – even if seventeen-year-old Emily is something of a ninny-hammer. However, when the dashing but mysterious Lord Wolfe rescues Emily from Terrible Peril, causing her to fall quite in love with him, Flora becomes deeply suspicious. Just who is this Lord Wolfe? Why does he persist in winking at Flora in such a deeply uncouth manner? Why does he refuse to attend all evening engagements? And what is the insufferable man's dark, awful secret? (For she is quite convinced that he has one.) Flora determines to find out, whatever the danger to her reputation . . .
Fairytales  fiction  OFC  OMC  OMC/OFC  yuletide  het  humour 
january 2010 by oxoniensis
There's No I in Team by Anon (Sports Night, Dan/Casey, ensemble, teen, 15,608 words)
"You promised you wouldn't bring that up ever again."

Dan gave the pen a casual flip. "I lied."

"Forgotten, you said. Wiped from your memory, you said."

"You can't expect me to let material like that go to waste. I'm a writer, Casey."

"Apparently you're also a liar."
SN  fiction  Dan/Casey  Casey  Dan  Dana  Jeremy  Natalie  slash  firsttime  yuletide  humour 
january 2010 by oxoniensis
Just Like in the Movies by captanddeastar (White Collar, Neal/Peter, PG-13, 2,300 words)
“How long have you been together?”

“Oh, just a few months,” Neal says, turning the full force of his smile on his neighbor. “But we’ve known each other for years and years. We met – sparks flew; he chased me, I chased him a little back. Then we were separated for three years, and just barely managed to stay in touch. But a few months ago, he brought me out of a really bad place, and we’ve been together ever since. It was meant to be,” Neal concludes, and he can feel Peter rolling his eyes behind Neal’s back.
White-Collar  fiction  Neal-Caffrey  Peter-Burke  Neal/Peter  slash  firsttime  humour 
december 2009 by oxoniensis
in the house we see a light (that comes from what we feel inside) by Anon (Modern Family, ensemble, G, 4,690 words)
"No one told me there was going to be a concert," Gloria says, clapping.

"It was impromptu," Manny tells her.

Luke leans close to Alex so he can whisper, "What's that mean?"

For once she can't think of a lie, so she says, "Spur of the moment," and he nods. It'll be her good deed for the day, she figures. Besides, this morning she convinced him and Haley that "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" was really called "Hark! The Bare-Lipped Angels Sing," and that it was about all the angels who don't have mustaches. So. Even without a second lie today's already been a pretty huge success.
Modern-Family  fiction  ensemble  gen  humour  yuletide 
december 2009 by oxoniensis
Wanna Bet? by Anon (Castle, Castle/Beckett, ensemble, PG, 1,589 words)
"Where did you come from?"

"Brunch," she said, as if it was the most logical answer in the world.

"It's 4:30 on a Tuesday afternoon."

"And?"
Castle  fiction  Castle/Beckett  Richard-Castle  Kate-Beckett  Alexis-Castle  Martha-Rodgers  Javier-Esposito  Kevin-Ryan  gen  humour  ensemble  yuletide 
december 2009 by oxoniensis
Mental Unwellness and the Myth of the Veridian Unicorn by Anon (Better Off Ted, Phil/Lem, Veronica, Ted, Linda, Pg-13, 3221 words)
"So what if he's hearing voices? As far as I'm concerned that just means we're getting extra input on our projects for no cost. In fact, I wish more of our employees had voices in their heads like Phil. Good job, Phil!"
Better-Off-Ted  fiction  Phil/Lem  Veronica  Ted  Linda  slash  humour  crack  yuletide 
december 2009 by oxoniensis
Ooooops by xenakis (Merlin/surprise, Arthur, Merlin, G, art)
Merlin, when I said 'get us out of this nest of giant spiders', I did not, in fact, mean 'please erase the fabric of reality itself'.
Merlin2008  art  Merlin  Arthur  comic-strip  crossover  humour 
december 2009 by oxoniensis
Devil in a Blue Dress by captanddeastar (White Collar, Neal/Peter, PG-13, 1,600 words)
“You are not going undercover as a woman,” says Peter, firmly.

“I’ve done it before,” Neal wheedles, pulling a picture out of his wallet and dropping it on the table in front of Peter.

Peter leans over to get a good look at the face in the headshot and does a double take.

“Holy crap!”

“Hot, right?” Neal asks, lowering his eyes modestly.

“No,” Peter snaps, his mind on other things. He looks back down at the photo and amends, “Yes. I mean, no! But that’s not the point.”
White-Collar  fiction  Neal-Caffrey  Peter-Burke  Neal/Peter  slash  gen  humour  crossdressing 
december 2009 by oxoniensis
Tactus by toomuchplor (SGA, John/Rodney, PG, 4,000 words)SG
"Have you *seen* that Czech kid you flagged to do Gerontius? I seriously don’t think he’s left the third-floor bathroom since you told him he has five days to learn an eighty-page score.”
SGA  fiction  Sheppard/McKay  slash  AU  romance  humour  firsttime 
december 2009 by oxoniensis
c'mon, let's make a scene by seventhpage (Generation Kill, Brad/Nate, Ray/Walt, PG-13, 1,400 words)
"Now as you all know, a certain basketball captain and another good friend of ours have been suspended for two weeks. You know what they were doing?"

"No!" the school shouts back, giggling, as Mattis bursts into the hall.

"Why, exactly the same thing as you, dearest Pendleton High students! Due to the homophobic attitude of wonderful leaders such as Principle Mattis, Brad Colbert and Nate Fick have been suspended, for doing exactly the same thing as the rest of you straight couples do - for sharing a chaste kiss outside the boys locker room after practice. They were suspended for kissing, simply because they both have dicks! What say you to that, homies?"
GenerationKill  fiction  Brad/Nate  Ray/Walt  Ray-Person  Brad-Colbert  Nate-Fick  AU  slash  humour 
december 2009 by oxoniensis
Drake for America by oneangrykate and jubilancy (DCU, Kon/Tim, Bruce/Dick, ensemble, ~6,500 words)
In the beginning, for there was a beginning though not an end to this story, the Oracle announced her plan to her faithful second, Black Canary. She quoth, "Forsooth, the definition of insanity is repeating our actions endlessly with the expectation of better results. The spirit of Stephanie Brown haunts my clock tower, and her wraith cries for us to forge a new path."

"Okay," said Dinah. "But you're the one who actually has political experience. Why isn't this Gordon for America?"

Barbara's fingers paused on her keyboard. "Because I really want to see Robin kiss some babies."

The Black Canary broke the monitor with her laughter.
DCU  fiction  Kon/Tim  Bruce/Dick  crack  futurefic  slash  AU  humour 
november 2009 by oxoniensis
Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton (Harry Potter, Draco/Harry, PG, 31,000 words)
When this season’s purple courgettes are woefully thin, Draco Malfoy thinks it amounts to small beans. Next thing he knows, the Department of Standards is over-run with leeks, Brussels sprouts all sorts of legislative difficulties, and somebody appears to have put a roquette under Harry Potter. Can Draco seize a marrow victory? Or will his plans for peas be squashed? [Bonus wonderful cartoons by raitala]
HP  fiction  art  Harry/Draco  Draco  Harry-Potter  humour  slash  firsttime 
november 2009 by oxoniensis
Accessories by halcyon_shift (White Collar/Leverage, Neal, Hardison, Mozzie, G, 1,440 words)
Neal's so over federal fashion accessories, Hardison's in love and Mozzie's probably raiding the liquor cabinet while no one's looking
White-Collar  Leverage  fiction  Neal-Caffrey  Hardison  crossover  gen  humour 
november 2009 by oxoniensis
Kate, Short for Kevin by moonythestrals (White Collar, Neal/Peter, Elizabeth, PG-13, 2,100 words)
Peter didn't get an MBA from a top business school and then join the securities fraud division of the FBI without a healthy appreciation for irony.

Neal Caffrey being his partner amuses him probably much more than it actually should. Hopefully no one notices.
White-Collar  fiction  Neal-Caffrey  Peter-Burke  Neal/Peter  Elizabeth-Burke  slash  humour 
october 2009 by oxoniensis
Holding Out For A Hero by deirdre_c (Supernatural, Dean/Sam, vid)
Title: Holding Out for a Hero
Artist: Bonnie Tyler
Pairing/Rating: Sam/Dean (PG)
Length: 2:56 min
Spoilers: All the way through episode 5.07 (a couple of non-spoilery clips)
Summary: Honestly, who else could be Sam's hero?
Supernatural  video  Sam-Winchester  Dean-Winchester  gen  slash  humour  crack 
october 2009 by oxoniensis
The Price of Expedience by kaneko and cesperanza (Due South, Fraser/Ray K, PG, 998 words)
"Your Great Uncle Tiberius had homosexual tendencies in his youth, you know," Fraser's father said, conversationally, while Fraser was still recovering in the men's room. "They often found him frolicking naked in the snow with the local boys. Girls too. He was quite the charmer until he went insane."

"I'm not gay, Dad," Fraser said irritably. He splashed cold water on his face.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, son. I kissed Buck Frobisher once. Of course, we'd been snowed in for nearly a month by then, rations down to nothing. Thought we'd never see a woman again. It's surprising what can be attractive in a situation like that. I suppose in the right circumstances, I might even have eaten him," he mused.
Due-South  fiction  Fraser  RayK  RayK/Fraser  slash  humour  firsttime 
october 2009 by oxoniensis
Platform 4 by Corona (Leverage, team, PG, 811 words)
"Sometimes you just have to go with the flow, do what seems most sensible, like that time we all had to draw Eliot naked," Sophie offers into the quiet, and Nate can hear her smiling.

"I would like to point out that I was very unhappy about that job," Hardison says carefully. "Surprise nudity in the workplace just makes everybody awkward."

"It wasn't exactly fun for me," Eliot complains.

"It was easy for you," Parker protests, a chirp of blunt honesty through the comms. "You just had to sit around naked all day."

Nate's fairly sure he can hear Eliot quietly smouldering somewhere upstairs.

"And not even upside down," Parker continues. "The last time I was naked I was upside down and it was cold, and no one drew me."
Leverage  fiction  Nathan-Ford  Parker  Eliot  Hardison  Sophie  ensemble  gen  humour 
october 2009 by oxoniensis
Spilt Milk by sparky77 (Supernatural, Dean/Castiel, Sam, PG, 4,000 words)
Sam still knows two things as absolute facts.

1. Even though Sam was the one who knocked over the milk, Dean was the one who got in trouble for not watching Sam, or for encouraging him, or for setting a bad example. That was just how things worked.

2. Sam’s three-year-old self was not sorry because even then Sam was willing to do anything to make Dean happy, no matter what the price. And even then, no matter how good his intentions were, things always ended up with Dean in trouble.

This isn’t to say that Sam is trying to compare accidentally starting the apocalypse to spilt milk.
Supernatural  fiction  Dean-Winchester  Sam-Winchester  Castiel  Dean/Castiel  slash  humour 
october 2009 by oxoniensis
the perfect spot to hear the apocalypse, acoustically speaking by kellifer_fic (Big Bang Theory, Penny, Sheldon, G, 797 words)
"So, you know how you said only if I were the last man on Earth?"

"No, I said not even if you were the last man on Earth."

"Oh, well, given the statistical impossibility of that statement when you initially made it, I'm willing to allow you a small revision."

"Go to sleep Sheldon."

"Okay."
Big-Bang-Theory  fiction  Penny  Sheldon  humour  gen 
september 2009 by oxoniensis
liberty challenged by angelgazing (Psych, Gus, Shawn, PGish, 844 words)
Sometimes, Gus daydreams about having a new best friend.

Most of the time, he can comfort himself from the trials of Life as Shawn Spencer's Best Friend with thoughts of a tell-all book, or by planning a trip to Vegas where they don't nearly get their kneecaps broken. When it gets tough, he just thinks about how popular his blog would be if he started telling all of Shawn's secrets, like how he's read all the Twilight books, and kind of thinks Robert Pattinson is dreamy.
Psych  fiction  Shawn  Gus  gen  humour 
september 2009 by oxoniensis
Accomplices by Lokei (Castle, Richard Castle, Alexis, PG, 667 words)
“And Jameson Rook? I get the ‘rook’ part, but why on earth would you give yourself a name like Jameson?”

Castle raised his eyebrows comically. “I don’t know whether it is a relief to me as a father that you are too young to drink and too law abiding to ignore that fact, or appalled that a daughter of mine is not aware of the manifold beauties of whiskey.” At Alexis’s expected eyeroll, he continued, “Whiskey is an excellent thing—a little too strong if you’re not prepared for it, smooth once you get past the initial bite, and it warms you up once you get used to it.”
Castle  fiction  Richard-Castle  Alexis-Castle  gen  humour 
august 2009 by oxoniensis
Rudy's Guide to Auras and Fair Game Play by sparky77 (Generation Kill, Rudy, Pappy, Brad, Ray, Poke, PG-13, 2,497 words)
“What’s the point of playing a game you can’t win?” Brad asks. They all stare at him.

“You failed Kindergarten, didn’t you?” Person asks.

“Twenty-five,” Brad says.

Pappy glances quickly at Rudy, Rudy gives a slight shrug. Pappy nods. “Fair move.”

“How did you fucking know that?” Person asks.

Brad ignores him and stares at Pappy. Pappy stares back. He’s been around too long to be intimidated by the Iceman.
GenerationKill  fiction  Espera  Reyes  Patrick  Ray-Person  Brad-Colbert  gen  humour 
august 2009 by oxoniensis
Lucky Me by millylicious (BtVS, Riley/Buffy, Faith/Buffy, Parker/Buffy, vid)
Description: Love sucked, this Buffy was certain of (Life is a cheesy romance novel)
Song: "Lucky Me", Sarah Slean
Length: 3:00
Format: AVI (XVID)
Size: 47.4 MB (640x480)
BtVS  video  Faith/Buffy  Riley/Buffy  Parker/Buffy  humour  het  femmeslash 
august 2009 by oxoniensis
Close Your Eyes and Think of England by monimala (Veronica Mars/Casino Royale 2006, Veronica/James, adult, 3,075 words)
"I'm Veronica. Veronica Mars," she replied, copying his tone exactly, down to the smug note of 'you should be impressed.'

"Veronica, you're not marring anything. You're perfect," he growled. And since it was more than three words, she got the full force of a ridiculously sexy British accent. The kind that needed to come with a 'Warning: May cause dizziness' label.

God save her from bored continental playboys. She widened her eyes, pulling out her old stand-by, the bubble headed flirt voice. "So, if I were to return the compliment, would I, like, be making a bondage joke?"
VM  Bond  fiction  Veronica  James-Bond  James/Veronica  het  humour  crossover 
august 2009 by oxoniensis
Don’t Ask by oh-mcgee (Generation Kill, Brad/Nate, Ray, PG-13, 632 words)
“Dude, we’ve been riding in this same piece of crap Humvee together for how long now? We annoy the shit out of each other, share dip, trade MRE’s, and rag on each other for every fucking thing we can think of just to pass the mother fucking time. We’re like married, dude. You think I don’t know when my man’s cheatin’ on me?”
GenerationKill  fiction  Ray-Person  Brad-Colbert  Brad/Nate  slash  humour 
august 2009 by oxoniensis
Did you write the book of love? by ignipes (Leverage, Eliot, Parker/Hardison, team, PG-13, 1,400 words)
Nate's phone rings fifteen times before he answers. Nate is a coward.

"I'm going to kill you," Eliot says.

Nate laughs. "Keep me updated. This is better than reality television."

Eliot hangs up. Nate is a cruel, sadistic bastard.
Leverage  fiction  Eliot  Hardison/Parker  Hardison  Parker  gen  het  humour 
august 2009 by oxoniensis
Can't Stop The Turtle by roga (Firefly/Discworld crossover, ensemble, PG, 4,000 words)
Taking on a job commissioned by an orangutan may seem to veer from Mal's (admittedly abysmal) usual standards, but when it comes down to it, gold is gold, right?
Firefly  Discworld  fiction  Mal  Jayne  Kaylee  River  Vimes  Zoe  Wash  Book  Simon  gen  crossover  crack  humour 
july 2009 by oxoniensis
Simply Irresistible by Pandarus (Supernatural, Dean/Castiel, PG-13, 4,400 words)
Dean stumbles back into the motel room just before dawn, aching all over and still drenched with the scent of flowers, and he can't get the smile off his face.

“Like a fucking pretzel,” he mutters happily, shaking his head as he toes off his shoes and collapses onto the bed. “Awesome.”
Supernatural  fiction  Dean-Winchester  Sam-Winchester  Dean/Castiel  Castiel  slash  het  humour 
july 2009 by oxoniensis
JIM CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER by anon (Star Trek, Kirk/McCoy, ensemble, teen, 3,200 words)
I IZ KEPTAIN. I HAS A COMMAND.

"Doctor, why is the Captain speaking in that manner?" Spock inquires, calm as usual, and Bones shrugs his shoulders helplessly.

"His translator malfunctioned. He's perfectly healthy otherwise."

"Should he not be in Sickbay?"

"I tried to get him to lie down for a while, but he kept insisting on cheeseburgers. I thought I'd humor him for a while, see what he'd do."

Behind them, Jim spins the chair around. I HAS A CHAIR. WHOA IZ DIZZEE CHAIR. Chekov stifles a snort.

(Make sure you go all the way to the end - IZ END BAIBAI - it's a long thread.)
Star-Trek  fiction  Kirk/McCoy  Kirk  McCoy  Spock  Uhura  crack  humour  slash 
july 2009 by oxoniensis
Five Times Ray Doesn't Get to Sing the Song of His Choice by oxymoronassoc (Generation Kill, Victor One, teen, 538 words)
“Summer lovin’, had me a blast. Summer lovin’, happened so fast—Come on, Brad, you sing the boy part.”

“No, Ray. I will not sing ‘Summer Nights’.”

“I’ll sing it.”

“No, Walt. No one is singing ‘Grease’ in this humvee.”

“Brad, you’re an uptight, musical hating asshole. I thought middle class people loved musicals. You are all kinds of fucked up.”
GenerationKill  fiction  Brad-Colbert  Ray-Person  Walt-Hasser  gen  humour 
july 2009 by oxoniensis
Gen Kill AUs by trolleys (Generation Kill, Brad/Nate, Ray, Encino Man, PG, art)
Four wonderful AU sketches - Brad as an assassin who operates out of an icecream truck, Brad & Nate as daddies/uncles/babysitters, Brad and Ray as vigilantes and Nate as the guy who hires them to kill zombies, and Encino Man as a zombie.
GenerationKill  art  Brad-Colbert  Ray-Person  Nate-Fick  Brad/Nate  gen  slash  AU  humour 
june 2009 by oxoniensis
Just Dessert by tallulah_rasa (Pushing Daisies/SG-1, Ned, Daniel, Sam, Jack, Teal'c, Olive, G, 1,650 words)
"Ow," Daniel said. "Ow, ow, ow." He tried sitting up, looked around in some confusion at the hospital room surrounding him, and sank back to the floor. "Usually it's a Waffle House," he murmured, and then, "Ow" as an afterthought.



"I'm so sorry," said the man standing across the room, nervously glancing at his watch. "This is all my fault. Well, not that you're here, and not in a Waffle House, which – well, I don't know whose fault that is. I don't understand that, to be perfectly honest. But the rest of it, which you don't actually know about, but I assure you is probably more confusing than not being in a Waffle House, is that--"



Daniel looked down at himself, and back up at the man. "Are you Tok'ra?" he broke in.



"No, I'm Ned," Ned said.
Pushing-Daisies  SG-1  fiction  Ned  Olive  Samantha-Carter  Daniel-Jackson  Teal'c  Jack-O'Neill  crossover  humour  gen 
june 2009 by oxoniensis
Reading Against/Reading With... by emeraldwoman (Star Trek, various pairings, adult, 543 words)
Spock carefully stroked the back of her neck with long fingers. "My own position vis-a-vis my ethnic inheritance is not devoid of problematic readings."

"Tragic Mulatto?"

"Indeed."

Uhura stretched. "Hmm. Tell you what, Spock. Let's see if we can create an Outsider narrative unbounded by paradigmatic expectations."

"Affirmative," Spock said, and started taking off his jacket.
Star-Trek  fiction  Kirk/McCoy  Spock/Uhura  Kirk/Spock/Uhura  Sulu/Chekov  crack  humour  het  slash  threesome 
june 2009 by oxoniensis
On How Sergeant Colbert is Nothing At All Like Winnie the Pooh... by sparky77 (Generation Kill, Brad/Nate, Ray, R, 2673 words)
Brad is hiding under the Humvee again.

Brad once described these little episodes as a tactical retreat in order to preserve his sanity. Ray is completely in favor of Brad preserving what remains of his fragile grasp on sanity, but he's not feeling all that charitable right now. This is no tactical retreat. That fucker is hiding.

Ray hates it when Brad does this shit. Everyone freaks the fuck out. It's like being stuck in some 1950s melodrama where mommy has retreated to the bedroom with a valium and a bottle of vodka, and Ray is stuck reassuring all the little brats that it's okay. Mommy is just resting. She'll be fine tomorrow. Fuck this shit.
GenerationKill  fiction  Ray-Person  Brad-Colbert  Nate-Fick  Brad/Nate  slash  humour  yuletide 
june 2009 by oxoniensis
untitled by glockgal (Star Trek: Reboot, ensemble, art)
De-aged McCoy, Kirk, Spock and Uhura, being looked after by Sulu and Chekov!
Star-Trek  art  Chekov  Kirk  Spock  Uhura  McCoy  Sulu  gen  humour 
june 2009 by oxoniensis
99 Bowls of Plomeek Soup on the Wall by Petra (Star Trek: TOS, Sarek, Amanda, Spock, G, 868 words)
AMANDA: "All the rock formations on this planet look the same anyway."

SAREK: "That is a false statement."

SPOCK: "The return voyage would last a known amount of time, whereas continuing in our current path may take an indefinite amount of time."

SAREK: "Spock, you are neither piloting this shuttle nor acting as its copilot. Your input is not required in this decision."
Star-Trek  fiction  Sarek  Amanda  Spock  gen  humour 
june 2009 by oxoniensis
Very Special Agent DiNozzo: Investigative Hound by catwalksalone (NCIS, DiNozzo/McGee, PG-13, 5,700 words)
It doesn't take long for Tony to work up a real head of steam about McGee's apparent lack of interest. It's a crime, is what it is. A very serious crime against Tonymanity. McGee is 100% pure geek--surely he has to be at least heteroflexible to maximize his slender chances of getting laid? He must want Tony. Why doesn't he want Tony?

"You could always move on," his inner voice tells him, but no. Tony's got the bit between the horns now, or the bull by the teeth, and he's not a Very Special Agent for nothing. There's going to have to be an investigation.
NCIS  fiction  Tony-Dinozzo  Tim-McGee  Tony/Tim  slash  humour  firsttime 
june 2009 by oxoniensis
Quarters by trinityofone (Supernatural, Dean/Castiel, Sam/Ruby, R, 3,800 words)
Here’s how the car thing shook down.

Four people in the Impala? Did. Not. Work. There was not a single tolerable configuration. Dean had to be at the helm—Sam, he said, drove like somebody’s grandma, and the one time Dean had let Cas behind the wheel, they’d actually gotten pulled over because the angel was letting too many people pass them. (The only one Dean actually—albeit privately—considered to be a competent driver was Ruby, but he felt he had to refuse her on general principle.) If Sam sat in the back, he whined about his legs cramping up. (“Big baby,” said Dean.) But Ruby and Castiel sharing the backseat proved to be too much of a temptation for her: suddenly, stunts were being pulled that Dean remembered from his own childhood.
Supernatural  fiction  Dean/Castiel  Sam/Ruby  Dean-Winchester  Sam-Winchester  Ruby  Castiel  humour  slash  het 
may 2009 by oxoniensis
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