The Avengers get shanghaied into chaperoning a high school prom. In Steve's opinion, things go downhill from there, but Tony's determined to save the night. With the Macarena.

Richard not-yet-III gets a cryptic visitor. Wackiness ensues.

Danny has a secret.

Warning: Crude humour. Probably NSFW (PG-13)
Category: Crackity crack! Like whoa!
Length: 4.10 (streaming or 70 MB DivX download)
Summary: Monty Python meets Supernatural

Song and Artist: "I Just Had Sex" by The Lonely Island (featuring Akon)
Fandom: Thor (2011 movie, Marvel comics, mythology, artwork)
Length: 02:54
Summary: When I had the sex, man my hammer felt great.

Steve was looking earnest. Which was kind of his default expression but he was looking especially earnest right now. "I've been reading about safe sex," he said, "and all the pamphlets say we need to discuss our previous sexual partners before we do this."

12 years later. A Clark/Lex story. With Kryptonite unicorns, mpreg and a kitty baby!

Well. Eduardo had said he needed to get Mark’s attention. Mark just hadn’t really thought that “get your attention” would mean “turn into a plant,” but Eduardo did tend to be really unnecessarily dramatic sometimes.

And so it came to pass that, on the third day of the second week of the sixth month of his time in Camelot, Jack Harkness came face to face with the Great Dragon for the first time.

Gladstone hanging out with the Tiger rug.

Because there are only two things that polar bears really care about, you see, and those two things are Christmas and Coca-Cola. It's a good idea to carry spare bottles of the stuff when you're in Churchill, just in case. Have to watch yourself, though. They're man-eaters, polar bears. Yes, only known predators of man in the animal kingdom. People can't really eat them, which seems unfair. This is a true fact — polar bear flesh has to be prepared a very specific way, otherwise you get trichinosis, which, if you're not up on your parasites, is caused by a worm that burrows into your intestines and makes itself cozy inside these cysts all throughout your body. Not very comfortable, being full of worms. Not very comfortable being torn apart either. Polar bears are easy to get away from, though. If you're ever being menaced by a polar bear, you can just point behind it and go "Father Christmas!" and the polar bear will turn around every time. I read it in a brochure.

"So what if he's hearing voices? As far as I'm concerned that just means we're getting extra input on our projects for no cost. In fact, I wish more of our employees had voices in their heads like Phil. Good job, Phil!"

In the beginning, for there was a beginning though not an end to this story, the Oracle announced her plan to her faithful second, Black Canary. She quoth, "Forsooth, the definition of insanity is repeating our actions endlessly with the expectation of better results. The spirit of Stephanie Brown haunts my clock tower, and her wraith cries for us to forge a new path."

"Okay," said Dinah. "But you're the one who actually has political experience. Why isn't this Gordon for America?"

Barbara's fingers paused on her keyboard. "Because I really want to see Robin kiss some babies."

The Black Canary broke the monitor with her laughter.

five and a half people that james t kirk never succeeded in seducing

& one he did

(sort of)

(mostly)

(whatever, it counted)

Title: Holding Out for a Hero
Artist: Bonnie Tyler
Pairing/Rating: Sam/Dean (PG)
Length: 2:56 min
Spoilers: All the way through episode 5.07 (a couple of non-spoilery clips)
Summary: Honestly, who else could be Sam's hero?

"It's been not nearly long enough," Ianto said. He held out his hands to the woman and kissed both cheeks. "I could have happily gone years without seeing you again. I may have to kill you all." Gwen blinked and looked at Jack, who had his eyebrows raised.

"Oh, Cousin Ian. Do you remember Wednesday? And these are Pugsley and Pubert; they weren't born when we visited last."

"You stole my pteranodon," the little girl said. There were razor blades in her voice.

"Prove it, maggot," Ianto replied.

Taking on a job commissioned by an orangutan may seem to veer from Mal's (admittedly abysmal) usual standards, but when it comes down to it, gold is gold, right?

I IZ KEPTAIN. I HAS A COMMAND.

"Doctor, why is the Captain speaking in that manner?" Spock inquires, calm as usual, and Bones shrugs his shoulders helplessly.

"His translator malfunctioned. He's perfectly healthy otherwise."

"Should he not be in Sickbay?"

"I tried to get him to lie down for a while, but he kept insisting on cheeseburgers. I thought I'd humor him for a while, see what he'd do."

Behind them, Jim spins the chair around. I HAS A CHAIR. WHOA IZ DIZZEE CHAIR. Chekov stifles a snort.

(Make sure you go all the way to the end - IZ END BAIBAI - it's a long thread.)

Spock carefully stroked the back of her neck with long fingers. "My own position vis-a-vis my ethnic inheritance is not devoid of problematic readings."

"Tragic Mulatto?"

"Indeed."

Uhura stretched. "Hmm. Tell you what, Spock. Let's see if we can create an Outsider narrative unbounded by paradigmatic expectations."

"Affirmative," Spock said, and started taking off his jacket.

It wasn't a bad day when Sam woke up. Then he discovered Dean had turned into a giant dust bunny, so it was.

Title: Supernatural (In My Pants)
Artist: The Lonely Island
Length: 2:42 min
Summary: It's perfectly normal, nothing wrong with me, but we're going to need a clean up on Aisle 3.

The Doctor joins some Kings of Orient following a star, helps a quartet of sociologists, gets thrown in prison, meets shepherds (ditto: talking sheep), finds a baby in a stable, uses Christmas carols for nefarious ends, and learns The True Meaning Of Camel.

Pride and Prejudice, as played out on facebook.

"What is it?" Arthur demands.

"Oh, it's a thingy. It does things," Merlin says with a vague wave of his hands that could either indicate that it might destroy an entire city block or cook rice.

"It's a thingy that does things?" Arthur repeats. "You don't know what it does, do you?"

"Yeah, you're right," Merlin nods. "It was a really boring meeting. I fell asleep."

"Of course you did," Arthur sighs, and then narrows his eyes at the slight change in expression on Merlin's face.

Merlin starts laughing. "I'm having you on. I invented it."

Arthur glares.

Artist: it's a secret
Characters: Sam and Dean
Length: 1:30 min
Summary: You really, really don't want to click that link.

Sam watched his brother go straight to his own bed, kneel down, and put his hands together in prayer over the coverlet. “Dear God: take your damn angel back. I’ve had it with his bullshit. Amen.”

“Oh, hey, listen to this,” says Dean on day three, sitting on the floor with the laptop propped up on his knees. “The most common way to separate the subclasses is by looking at their oral tentacles. Dude. Oral tentacles.”

The inhabitants of Atlantis are emigrants from a mostly harmless planet who happened to step through a giant wormhole, much to the consternation of the giant worms, and spend their days prodding things, saying, "ooh, I wonder what happens if I do that?"

New Zealand also said that Australia had given him possums, which was incredibly rude and completely beside the point even if it was true.

"Oh, look… we have studied devices like this for years and at some point ultimately you just have to turn it on."

Song: Madonna - Papa Don't Preach.
36 MB Divx file or Imeem stream.

"There's a cat," Ianto said. "On my back." "Hello moggie!" Owen said. "Where'd you come from?" "IM IN UR BASE -- " "And it's talking." "SITTIN ON YANTOE."

"Take her – or him – on a date," Gwen said, not realising that she'd started pointing a staple-gun (what was that doing in here?) at him, "or leave them alone, John."

Friends don't mock friends. Unless they really, really can't help it.

"What?" Rodney asks, panicking a little when he sees a small, fist-sized growth tucked low in his pelvis. "What's that?"

"That," Carson says, a little pale, "is a uterus."

Which is when Rodney blacks out for the second time.

A Clex version of Gigi, done in screencaps.

This is the story of Clark Kent - a young lad, soon to be a young man.

Spike + The Bee Gees = Tragedy.

Downloads: 61.7 MB or 23.1 MB.

“Firetruck you!” Dean snaps and then throws himself down, flailing his arms and legs because he also can’t swear.

He has fifteen days of this to go and he needs to devote most of that time to figuring out how to strangle Sam with soft, stumpy arms.

Years to live: 1. Cat lives remaining: 7 (conflicting data). Number of times self got laid in past week: 8 (v. good). Number of bitchfaces Brother has pulled in consequence: Western mathematic principles not advanced enough to calculate.

"So you, what, did you go and get yourself soul-bonded to some gremlins?" Sam asks, grinning despite himself, but Dean isn't smiling; he shrugs one shoulder, his eyebrows drawn together.

The gremlins blink their big eyes.

"I'm... I'm having a hawt porny love affair with Teyla."

"OMFG! How could you betray our union?"

"Let's bring Teyla out shall we?"

This is highly irregular, thinks the lab table as lcjsheppard unbuckles dmrmckay's pants and shoves him against its surface. The lights running up its legs flash in irritation but neither of the humans notice.

Song: Southpark MegaMix by Matt and Trey. Special appearance by John Winchester as Chef! Youtube, or 26 MB wmv.

"Does this mean you're pansexual?" Sheppard asked Ronon. "I don't know what that means," Ronon said. "Yes, let's just stand around here all day making jokes about Ronon having sex with pancakes," Rodney scoffed. "That'll be really productive."

"You know, there's a reason why they call this place 'Hell,'" the Demon said wearily. "I just didn't think I would be the one punished in this situation." It sipped its tea. "Go fish."

Rodney hissed, "I can't believe you let him go." "He saved my life," John said. "So?" Rodney asked. John rolled his eyes. "We have a bond?" "He killed you!" Rodney exclaimed. "He brought me back," John said. "Well, excuse me for being a little traumatized

Nobody understood how much Lee suffered. He was so misunderstood. Really. Nobody was as misunderstood as he was.

And his pants were too tight.

He needed something to soothe his pain, like dessert. Who cared if it was only nine hundred hours?

A Sheppard/McKay video animation. 4.5 MB download, or viewable on youtube.

Women fawned over the bunny, and loved to stroke it, and sometimes picked it up and pressed it to their breasts, where it looked squashed and uncomfortable. In that respect, Lex reflected, absolutely nothing had changed.

Dean turns into a pumpkin. That makes him a little cranky.

Rodney called up his best blank stare.

John pursed his lips. "Rodney? You gonna help or what?"

"Shhhhhh, I'm channeling my inner Ronon."

It's not like he actually had tentacles, after all. He would have noticed by now.

She gets the feeling this is Mulder's fault, because these things usually are.

"Animals are the best," Dean said, smiling. Misti-with-an-i smiled back, handed a flier to Sam, and said, "I think we should love all of God's creatures equally."

There was the oldest Winchester, who had a God complex, the middlest Winchester, who had a Christ complex, and the youngest Winchester, who had a Judas complex.

Mac meets Miss Wrong. PC is there to fix things up.

Truthfully, Sam has always reminded Dean a little bit of a puppy. It’s not something they discuss, because no matter how you cut it, it’s just as awkward for Dean to say, “Dude, you’re like a small dog,” as it probably is for Sam to hear it.

Radek's most difficult match. A 6 page comic-strip.

A demon is obsessed with killing Dean and Sam… but he sucks at his job.

So, yeah, two guys and a girl walk into a bar, and thirty minutes later they walk right back out again.

She hoped she had appropriate shoes; she'd never been to any sort of demonstration before; however, if Draco was going to be gay, and she was going to be Gay Draco's Mother, she was going to get it right.

"Not a word. Not one fucking word," Dean growled, jabbing his finger into Sam's chest with each word.

Fucking wings. And a voice that was, in Dean's opinion, marginally more persuasive than normal but really, it was the wings that irritated him most.

"Thanks," Cameron says, taking the pen and signing another form. "But that's another thing." He looks over a Teal'c. "We're married. Doesn't that seem just a little off to you?"

"It's about time you did something about that problem of yours."

“—Come back to Atlantis, all of you can take the retrovirus, and we’ll show you what fun really is!”

“No, you listen,” Rodney said. “Listen close. I want you to forget everything I’ve ever said to you and concentrate on what I’m telling you now. It’s the truth. For the first time, it’s the truth.”

Rodney McKay and laser beams of Lesbos.

Tagline: It's a whole new wormhole. With vampires!

It started with the end of the world and went downhill from there. Well, since there weren't really any hills anymore it didn't technically go downhill, it just, well, went.

"Okay, whoops," John said, just after Rodney turned into a dolphin.

John has a finger fetish.

By Order of the Ministry of Magic, as part of the Past Events Probationary Agreement (PEPA), the recipient of this owl is required to complete 10 hours of psychological counselling with a Ministry approved psychoanalyst.

Tiaras! Bacon! Rock-throwing!

It wasn't like Rodney didn't know she was a diplomat—someone whose job was to convince people to do things they really didn't want to do—but somehow he was still surprised to find her hand down the front of his pants.

Truly, living forever was not all it was cracked up to be.

“Rodney McKay, as it turned out, was a complete slut.”

"Close your eyes," Ronon said, his voice all low and sexy, the Barry White hour on 94.1 FM, and John wondered if this was what all those Athosian women had been hearing late at night.

“But--but I’m a *girl*,” John repeated, pointing--down. At--at them. Those things that had looked so nice from a distance, but in reality, were just plainly freaksome.

"I thought I was allowed to annoy McKay." "You are," John said, which was true; he'd asked permission specifically. "Just...wait till we can figure out if he's still sentient or not."