At age five, Spock informs his mother that it is illogical to wish him “sweet dreams” at bedtime because Vulcans do not dream. “Oh, Spock,” she says.

"You could have mentioned you didn't want to be set up with girls," Jim says.

"I did," Spock says, "on many occasions."

"Yeah, but I thought you were still sulking about getting dumped."

He wakes up with Spock's hand on his hip. Naked hip. Huh. Well, this is interesting.

Now I think I see the light.
(XviD, 31 MB)

Spock spends his lunch hour under that tree every day. Jim takes to ditching Bones (to much bitching, but they already spend so much time together that rumours are starting to spread) and sauntering out onto the lawn to join him. Sometimes they talk and sometimes they just sit there; Spock usually has some kind of homework or extracurricular reading handy, and Jim likes to people-watch. Spock also seems to like sharing his food with Jim. Jim is toying with the hypothesis that Spock has actually started bringing extra, just for him.

"Mr Kirk," says the poor bastard assigned to teach Basic Principles of Vulcan. Jim wonders what he did. Teaching human cadets to say "My name is Bob" in Vulcan has to be the worst thing that one Vulcan could think of to do to another. "A word with you in my office."

“Commander Spock, we have located your son,” the Vulcan lady on the screen says, which would be great, except Jim can tell by the look on Spock’s face that he’s never heard of this kid before in his life. “If it is expedient, the child will be sent to join you on the Enterprise within the week.”

"Spock. Just say 'I don't trust Starfleet not to mess up the only captain in the fleet who I can train up to my expectations and enjoys running into danger wearing a blindfold as much as I do'."

I IZ KEPTAIN. I HAS A COMMAND.

"Doctor, why is the Captain speaking in that manner?" Spock inquires, calm as usual, and Bones shrugs his shoulders helplessly.

"His translator malfunctioned. He's perfectly healthy otherwise."

"Should he not be in Sickbay?"

"I tried to get him to lie down for a while, but he kept insisting on cheeseburgers. I thought I'd humor him for a while, see what he'd do."

Behind them, Jim spins the chair around. I HAS A CHAIR. WHOA IZ DIZZEE CHAIR. Chekov stifles a snort.

(Make sure you go all the way to the end - IZ END BAIBAI - it's a long thread.)

It is the third mission of his command, and Captain James T. Kirk suspects he is going insane.

De-aged McCoy, Kirk, Spock and Uhura, being looked after by Sulu and Chekov!

AMANDA: "All the rock formations on this planet look the same anyway."

SAREK: "That is a false statement."

SPOCK: "The return voyage would last a known amount of time, whereas continuing in our current path may take an indefinite amount of time."

SAREK: "Spock, you are neither piloting this shuttle nor acting as its copilot. Your input is not required in this decision."

Spock doesn't tighten his lips or break the man's neck or so much as flinch, even when the guy uses words like specimen and beautiful and rare. He just dips his head in polite nods and makes grave courteous replies and even - at some incomprehensible cultural in-joke - makes a small nasal noise that could be mistaken for a laugh. Jim really hates this fucking planet.

"I'm your physician, Jim, you can ask me anything. Don't make me regret saying that."

"It's about genital compatibility between human males and Andorian women. Is it possible to have a penis that is just too big?" Kirk couldn't have looked more pleased with himself if he had just been promoted to admiral on the spot.

'Dear Ambassador Spock,' Jim writes, 'The new Spock thinks I am a total asshole and that sucks.'

It is another letter that he probably isn't going to send, but he likes the idea. He likes to think that maybe Ambassador Spock would give him some arcane clue as to how he can make his own Spock stop treating him like a coworker and more like, say, the best and truest friend in the universe. Unfortunately, he's pretty sure that clue would be something along the lines of spending years bonding under the extreme conditions of combat-- and that's not the remedy he's looking for here.

He deletes everything but the salutation, and blathers on about how he hopes the work at the colony is going well. He'll ask about what he should be doing in the next letter.

And maybe he'll ask about the wet dreams, if he's feeling really brave.

His first sexual encounter occurs during his third year. The experience is mutually dissatisfactory.

Cadet Thomson appears emotionally unaffected. She retrieves her bra from the floor and refits it to her breasts. "You win some, you lose some," she says.

He expresses doubts as to the aphorism's relevance to the situation. The sentiment does not seem applicable.

Cadet Thomson laughs and shakes her head. Her hair sways red and gleaming across her bare shoulders. "One day you're going to make some nerd re-ally happy," she says.

Spock tells her about his counterpart as a matter of information—perfunctorily, of course. But Nyota doesn't actually lay eyes upon the elder Spock for quite some time, not until being aboard the Enterprise has become routine and Spock's quiet grief has mellowed somewhat. Once the frequency of the nightmares have declined to only one every week or so.

“If people just went around punching superior officers because they were assholes, there would be anarchy, and I’d be very bruised.”