Siri, how do you get Josh Hamilton out?

Saved for Ted Berg being awesome about gendered marketing.

For a lot of athletes, Twitter has been a forum for hazardous indiscretion. Last week, the A's Brandon McCarthy made the best of the social network's 140-character allotment.

After a game in Anaheim, the pitcher tweeted: "They put two guys on the 'Kiss Cam' tonight. What hilarity!! (by hilarity I mean offensive homophobia). Enough with this stupid trend."

Absolutely scary. Have you ever wondered what Dr. James Andrews' office looks like? I've always pictured it like Sid's room in Toy Story -- just a bunch of arms attached to heads attached to shoulders.

The hyperactive Ryan thought of everything on this one, even realizing he shouldn’t trust himself to bring the engagement ring with him to Japan.

“One of the smartest things I ever did was give that thing to Felix [Hernandez],” Ryan said, “because I figured if anybody was going to lose it, he could afford it.”

So I guess what I’m saying is there’s a reason we have brake lights on our cars.

HAHAHAHA.

True things about Albert Pujols that sound like Chuck Norris facts.

Dear MLB: Please don't muzzle the most entertaining prospect since Babe Ruth. Thank you, fans everywhere.

Ted Berg as the voice of reason.

College baseball teams don't have managers. They have a head coach. And sometimes the coach comes out of the dugout during an at-bat and talks to the hitter, and you are reminded that there is a difference between a boss and a teacher, and that while he's dressed like a major-leaguer and acts like a major-leaguer, the kid at the plate is twenty years old. He's on his first serious girlfriend. He's studying mechanical engineering and having trouble with it. He's never had a mechanic tell him that it's gonna be twelve hundred bucks, he's never had a doctor explain anything to him in terms of percentages, but right now he's going to learn something, something about hitting the ball to the right side of the infield. We'll see what he does with that information.