Wish you could write your Ruby in XML? Has the fact that Ruby is not "enterprise" got you down? Do you feel like your Ruby code could be made to be more "scalable"? Well look no further my friend. You’ve found the enterprise gem. Once you install this gem, you too can make Rails scale, Ruby faster, your code more attractive, and have more XML in your life.

Fretting over my weight? Oh well. But regardless of their opinion of me and/or my act, they've asked me for my Top Ten List®, So here is my contribution to the Top Ten List® For Pitchforkmedia.com

Top Ten CD's That I Just Made Up (and accompanying made-up review excerpts) to listen to while skimming through some of the overwrought reviews on Pitchforkmedia.com

A handy spinal cord on a roll. Use this tape to seal and stick with endless sacral style. 25 meters of 2” wide packing tape.

This is the memory foam pillow that promotes a full, uninterrupted night's slumber for those who sleep with their arm under their heads. A center groove and a recessed front edge let you fully extend your arm without it having to support the weight of your head and neck. By allowing you to lie comfortably in your preferred sleep position and relieving pressure that can make your arm fall asleep or cause muscle stiffness, the pillow helps you awaken feel rested and refreshed. The pillow's hypoallergenic contoured memory foam lifts your neck and tilts your head back slightly to open your airway and help relieve snoring. Its velour cover is removable and machine washable. 22" L x 5" H x 15" W.

You should really watch this video. Yes, it’s the moment you’ve been waiting for: The Insane Clown Posse just came out with a new song.

It’s called “Miracles,” and it isn’t just any old cut of sick joker mayhem; it’s something special: an opportunity for the ICP to celebrate all of the mysteries of the universe. There is so much magic, so many unexplained phenomena occurring every day, that the Detroit Clown Madness Duo simply can’t contain its awe.

Oddly, what the Insane Clown Posse categorize as “magical unexplained mysteries” involve things like “rainbows” and “giraffes” and “magnets.” Somewhere down the line, the public school system has failed Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope. That’s right, I blame not Misters J and Dope, but the system. The burden of education falls on the shoulders of our teachers, not students. If the traditional methods of teaching aren’t getting through to a child, it is the obligation of the teacher to find a new method that will.

Or, alternately, it is my obligation.

The ultimate game of being better than all your friends at filling progress bars

After all, in Hollywood or New Jersey, old Jews are old Jews. Maybe the chais on gold chains are a little easier to see in LA, nestled as they are in thatches of thick gray hair over tan chests and half buttoned Prada shirts. But, Hollywood or not, these men and women are still your aunts and uncles, your wise-cracking attorneys and your periodontists. Their jokes, some new, some not-so-new, were all reassuringly familiar. And why shouldn’t they be? These jokes are the oral history of a culture.

Goodbye America RIP