In which Arthur's biology hates him (and the feeling's mutual), Eames' patience is sorely tried indeed, and the future of the educational system is on the line.

It starts, as it so often does, as a harmless prank, but it rapidly takes on a life of its own.

These are not all lies.

Rodney McKay is rich, gorgeous and at the top of his game—except someone just moved the goalposts! Now Rodney realizes he is sorely lacking the one status symbol that everybody seems to have…the perfect family. Rodney needs help, so he hires a relationship coach. Single-dad John Sheppard may be an expert, but not when it comes to his own relationships! And every day he spends with Rodney makes him wish that he could be the one to fill the vacancy in Rodney's life.

When Brad's ex-wife dies and Brad and Nate find themselves in charge of Brad's three sons, things get complicated.

It's around when Ray wants to hold Walt's hand like a goddamn teenage girl with stars in her eyes and wet panties that he starts to worry.

In 1969, Erik is having trouble dealing with Charles' rapidly increasing powers as a telepath. His daughter seems to be acquiring those powers too. When Raven returns with shocking news of her own, the delicate balance Erik's maintaining seems likely to crumble.

But it's something else entirely that turns his world upside down ...

This was not a normal day. This day existed to prove that hell was real and it came with musical accompaniment by will.i.am. On this day, Steve figured out how to get him out of the office and torment him at the same time by sending him to the godforsaken DNC where it was all 'we shall overcome,' oh-happy-day bullshit.

He shoots Clint Barton in the thigh in an alleyway in Alphabet City, too close to District X for comfort. He uses his tie as a tourniquet and helps Barton to his feet and wonders if Barton always talks this much.

Brad meets a Nate on his first day at the new school. It's a beginning.

"You can’t have it both ways, Colonel. If you haven’t had any relationships, either you’re having the occasional one-night stand or you’re not having sex at all.”

Also known as the (mostly) believable Virgin!John story.

Darcy has a mom who used to be a showgirl in Vegas and a dad who is a financial advisor in Santa Fe. She also has a Tony.

Erik befriends the ghost in his house. And then decides to expose his murderer.

Groundhog Day AU. Brad Colbert wakes up and it's the same day over and over again.

That's the twenty-first century love song, baby. Glitz and glamour and every one of us is a liar.

“What the fuck, McKay!” John yelled. “I can’t take you anywhere!”

Many of the pressures in Charles Xavier's life -- the sacrifices Erik and Charles make to be together -- the constant tension of being closeted -- Charles' relationship to the Church he once served as a priest -- his distance from his sister -- come to the forefront in 1967. Because in that year, for Charles, peace is no longer an option.

Whatever life Dom had in America, he’s left it behind as thoroughly as Arthur, and neither of them ever push the other for their life stories. Arthur likes to think that it’s because he and Dom agree about why everything that came before doesn’t really matter. That they both know their lives began when they met Eames and Mal.

A child psychologist is asked to sit in on the questioning of her client, a nine-year old boy, traumatised by finding his father stabbed to death. The child's mother is being held for the murder and the case against her looks water-tight, unless her son can be persuaded to tell what he knows. But the only way to communicate with the traumatised child is through his great obsession, chess, and only one detective speaks chess fluently enough to understand what he has to say.

DON'T SET YOUR KIDS ON FIRE. I really can't say that enough.

"Didn't we all read this one in the 70s? It's earthy and all the cartoon people are fat." Coda fic for How Not to Fly, set not long after the end of that story.

Death and life, hope and hopelessness, aren't just for the Pegasus galaxy. Eventually, inevitably, it's going to happen on Earth. John and Rodney, loss and family and what it means to be home.

Four years after the events of X-Men: First Class, Charles Xavier finds his X-Men on the losing side of their continuing battle with Erik’s Brotherhood. Azazel and Mystique have a child in secret and, unwilling to raise Kurt in the midst of Erik's war, they give him up to Charles to raise at his school for the gifted. He agrees to do so, on the condition that they visit their son regularly. This leads to tenuous contact between the Brotherhood and the X-Men outside of the battlefield for the first time in years, and both Xavier and Magneto realize that the lines dividing them are not as clear-cut as they previously thought.

Eames probably would have been pleased with a sandwich, but Arthur's got a knack for making Eames happy in surprising ways.

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.

~ Dr. Seuss

Erik and Charles have built a happy life together in the three years since Charles left the priesthood. But the shadows of Erik's past threaten to overwhelm them when Charles receives the one gift he's most wanted his whole life ... a chance at becoming a father.

Arthur and Eames are on the verge of giving up mind crime when Cobb convinces Arthur to be his point man on one last job — which rather inevitably goes wrong. Eames is pulled into the mess as Cobb’s simple heist spirals into an attempt on inception. It’s time to stop trespassing on the dreams of others; building a home takes two sets of hands.

Arthur likes to find his inspiration in other people's dreams. Mal holds the secrets of a princess in a tower. Eames wants to cross the bridge and burn it behind him. And Saito's most popular author can't (or won't) finish her greatest work...

Spock met Jim when he was 7 and Jim was 6. It has since been generally agreed that this was a mistake (or: the one where they grow up together and things are simultaneously better and worse for it).

Draco owns a café in the city. Harry's a MP who comes in every morning, newspapers in one hand, BlackBerry in the other, and orders a triple espresso macchiato.

AU. It's about kids, and family, and flocking. It's about love and death, with fishing and chips on the side. It's about Jack O'Neill having to explain all of that. . . .

But. . . this year the two months were an absolute comedy of disasters, and John was literally counting down the minutes until the end of May. He felt like he was on the Biblical curses roller-coaster.

Snippet, in which pancakes are made.

SG1 AU where Rodney's Air Force, John's an engineer, and Jack O'Neill's got an unpleasant job to do.

This is what you get for being the only son of forgotten Bavarian royalty, the last vestige of an ancient, magical line, left to rot amongst some pretty skirts and terrible attempts at intelligent conversation.

Arthur loves Daniel, he truly does; but it’s Eames. There’s no point in drawing a comparison. It’s not apples and oranges. It’s apples and Goethe, apples and Rachmaninoff.

"Yeah," Joe says, calling his bluff but unable to keep from smiling, "yeah, I'm hoping you'll be my first off-screen dude-on-dude kiss."

In which Cobb decides two babysitters are better than one, Saito proves that money can buy happiness, and Eames is excellent with children. Oh, and Arthur's a fucking Disney princess.

Kirk and Spock temporarily have charge of a kid.

Charles doesn't really care what his daemon chooses to be. Raven just wants it to happen. Erik has forgotten what it's like to have a soul. Alex is running for his life. And Sebastian Shaw knows, the moment his Pele settles, they're destined for great things.

Or, five different characters and how their daemon settled.

Set one year post movie, Charles overloads himself in Cerebro, and his mind goes walkabout; wherever he is (and he’s around), it’s not in his body. Erik temporarily takes over the school in his absence, and finds that there’s little time for resentment or hatred when he’s busy organizing assigned reading for English lit, keeping the youngest children out of trouble, and trying to talk Raven into wearing clothing for the boys’ sake. Somewhere in between taking responsibility for the students and dreaming Charles’ dreams every night, he manages to remember that he’s something rather more than a weapon. In other words: A Love Story between two Gentlemen, told in Prose, Epistles, and Nonsense Rhymes.

X-Men AU, Good Omens-style, with Charles as Aziraphale, Erik as Crowley, Jean as the Antichrist, and Raven as a badass motherfucker.

Rumpelstiltskin really just wants a child.

After Mal dies Arthur moves in to help Cobb take care of the kids, Philipa starts at a new school with a new teacher Mr.Eames.

Eames is charmed by Arthur but thinks he can't have him because he thinks Cobb and Arthur are involved. Arthur really likes Eames but is getting annoyed that everytime he thinks they are getting somewhere Eames backs off.

Cobb just rolls his eyes and Philipa's family drawings are kind of confusing.

but the point being—the point being that bucky called the baby shortcakes and so right at the beginning he’s shortcakes, or shortcake, or, as he gets older, shortcut, because he’s forever running through and around the mansion and the yard and stark tower and one time, to steve’s consternation and tony’s near-heart-attack, the grocery store

"But you have to do it proper," Raven's blue fingers played with the corner of the book's pages. "Erik, he does, like, he does it like you're my lunch."

"I've only just started, just wait," Charles said cheerily. He turned back to the book and continued to read, "I'll eat half of you now and save half for later-"

"You're not doing the voices," Raven whined. "Erik does," and this time, out of her tiny mouth came a pitch-perfect mimicry of Erik droning in his native accent, just subtle enough for a four-year-old to still understand the words, "I'll eat half of you now."

In which Captain America can do (almost) anything, and Tonk Stark has daddy issues--who's surprised?

Basically, no one in London gave two shillings for what Arthur did, which was why Arthur liked London enough to sell books on architecture, design, and engineering at a bookshop called The Robie House, a name he'd chosen on a whim when he was signing the papers and regretted ever since.

It was true that Merlin was kind of a miserable excuse for a servant, but Arthur was beginning to suspect that something more than his usual incompetence was going on.

"Mine!” probably wasn’t Arthur’s first word, but it was his most used.

In his dreams the monsters come. They are dark, shapeless and terrifying. He knows he should run. The very core of his being tells him it’s the only thing to do but he stands still. He has to stay and fight because he’s the prince and it’s his duty. He knows he’ll die trying.

Because sometimes, when you're that young, it's all you can do.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a young son must be in want of a nanny.

The next year in the Pendragon household, in which Merlin is no longer a nanny, Arthur is still a prat but a loveable one, Gaius saves the day and Uther does nothing.

Arthur stared at him, stunned beyond words, because in Merlin’s lap were three little dragons.

Arthur jiggles the baby. It definitely wasn't Arthur's imagination that one minute Merlin was Merlin, riding his horse and noisily munching sweetmeats, and the next minute there was a baby nearly falling off Merlin's horse. A baby with black hair, blue eyes, jug ears, and an incredibly goofy smile. A baby that is currently completely swamped underneath a too-big blue tunic and a brown neck scarf.

Another uninnocent, elegant fall into the unmagnificent lives of adults.

"Oh MERLIN. STOP WRIGGLING OR I'LL HEX YOU! This is a rule. There is a KNICKERS RULE!"

From the moment he saw her, Arthur knew there was something special about Molly Prewett.

Starfleet first officers did not regress to childhood without at least submitting prior warning to their commanding officers. They'd theme:established that after the whole Pon Farr mess last year. There were rules about Vulcan biology and scaring the hell out of Jim now. This had to be in violation of at least three of them.

James Kirk, growing up in two very different universes.

I can't tell from Spock, hobgoblin physiology being screwy and all, but the captain seems to be about six. Guessing that they've both lost the same number of years, Spock must be about the same.

There was something devastatingly cute about the mix of wide brown eyes, pale skin, pointed ears, and neat hair cut when packaged in a body barely over three feet tall and swimming in a blue science uniform top and dark undershirt that was entirely too big for his body.

When Spock applies to leave Vulcan for Starfleet, he is twenty-eight, which makes him a well-grown adult in human terms, but still a teenager by Vulcan standards.

"Imagine the PR nightmare if good, hardworking French escorts found out."

In which Hermione finds herself again following her divorce, becomes re-acquainted with old enemies, and nearly everyone takes their clothes off.

Jim took the silence as an opportunity to scrutinize his potential new friend, deciding with glee that his eyebrows were about as unfortunate as the severity of his bangs. In the absence of a response from the other, he was getting restless, head tilting as he fidgeted and bit his lip and shuffled his feet in the dirt, as he tried to deal with what seemed to his childish perception to be an awkward moment. He wasn't a shy child, but he sure as hell knew how and when to be a polite and charming one.

They’re pulling up the tree-lined avenue toward Buckingham when he suffers an attack of conscience and deletes most of the images — all the most revealing, all the most explicit. He keeps only what’s absolutely necessary to prove a point, and it still burns at him, to know that in less than an hour these will be everywhere and that they’ll never be erased. They’ll live in zeros and ones long after he’s dead, and maybe Merlin will never forgive him for letting his cell phone get stolen, but he’d hate Arthur far, far more if he knew the truth — Merlin always gets caught up in the tangential details. Arthur could explain for hours, days, weeks, but Merlin would never really believe him.

Kirk loves Spock, and that is a fact, and it's not gross, so shut up.

Arthur has never really understood birthdays; why should people celebrate them when they bring nothing but sullen, angry fathers and a lingering sense of uncomfortable guilt? It doesn’t help that his birthday is in November and the weather is inevitably foul and cold, freezing grey rain sleeting down outside.

McCoy got full custody of Joanna. Jim ran away from Starfleet. They meet in a barn in Georgia and life goes on.

Frank Hallie never meant to be the wicked stepmother in the story.

Sam is always getting the praise and her smiles, but Jim gets her jokes—he's okay with that.

Merlin abruptly wakes up in History of Magic.

McCoy’s been an agent for a long time, and a young, cocky, obnoxious new partner is exactly what he doesn’t need, dammit.

If Amanda had to pick a word to describe Sarek, it would be "genuine," or maybe "surprising."

"I’m going to be an astronaut." She says it so confidently that Donna would be jealous, if it weren’t so ridiculous to be jealous of a ten-year-old.

Just for shits, as far as Jim can tell, he teaches him the Standard accent that makes Vulcan ears bleed with pain, the one that makes them forgive you because you're trying so hard, and the educated one that might make a Vulcan take you mildly seriously. Then it's on to different dialects of Vulcan and why you don't talk like this in polite company and why this accent makes Vulcans think you're upper class, even if you're really, really not. As a chaser, he adds in Romulan and how it differs from Vulcan, and how S'Fuckhead basically rewrote it from the first few grunts the first proto-Vulcans made. (Which is actually kind of interesting, but Jim would rather live on plomeek soup than admit it.)

"Commander Spock, we have located your son," the Vulcan lady on the screen says, which would be great, except Jim can tell by the look on Spock’s face that he’s never heard of this kid before in his life. "If it is expedient, the child will be sent to join you on the Enterprise within the week."

The don't talk about his father, ever. He doesn't want to. But he'll talk about Jim, his genius younger brother who's too smart and too fast and somehow stuck where he is. There's adoration and guilt there—he left Jim, but staying would have killed him.