Political crisis managers AU. Arthur and Eames are operatives for rival presidential campaigns in a heated Democratic primary. Can they find love and happiness in spite of all the pies, Republicans, and publicity disasters in their way? Even in the face of the dreaded ELECTORAL COLLEGE SYSTEM? I DON'T KNOW! LET'S FIND OUT!

The reason SAS Captain Arthur Pendragon can't keep a communications specialist in Team Excalibur because none of them are good enough. And then Lieutenant Merlin Emrys gets assigned to his squad, and Arthur does everything he can to prove that Merlin isn't good enough, either. Except he is.

Every office has a 'cute guy from Marketing with a great ass' that everyone wants to sleep with. Among the junior agents at SHIELD, that person is Phil Coulson. Clint would find it hilarious, but he just wants people to stop throwing themselves at his boyfriend.

Brad Colbert and Nate Fick had met on the set of a now cancelled sci-fi show, years ago. Now, Hollywood turns out to be a small town after all, and it’s hard to avoid someone you broke up with. Especially when you both sign up for the same movie.

In which an argument about Dickens leads to a Twitter scandal, broken bones, midnight conversations, and transatlantic longing.

(Or, an AU with Arthur and Merlin as moderately famous authors.)

"Brad Colbert, Christ-Killer."

"Ainsley Seaborn, Blond Republican Sex Kitten," Ainsley said, deadpan. She took his offered hand firmly.

Brad’s plans for the Friday night included: pizza, working on his bike in Doc’s garage, listening to Ray’s band butcher whatever song they’re working on and listening to Ray’s rant on modern music, radio fascists who block his career, and how Brad never listens to him at all.

Also planned: trying not to kill Ray. It’s a constant struggle.

What he did not plan at all was to learn that, apparently, he was the sole heir to the Genovian throne. As you do.

Things proceed a little different than planned for the Expedition when they find the city of the Ancients already somewhat occupied. By mermaids. Rodney especially doesn't expect one of those mermaids (mermen?) to fixate on him of all people.

“What the fuck, McKay!” John yelled. “I can’t take you anywhere!”

“You know we can’t be friends. None of us are friends, sir. Brothers, yes. But we’re not friends. Friends get you killed.”

The slide from “the LT and the Iceman” towards “Nate and Brad” is slow. Their identities are blurred by a hundred different small interactions that mean very little on their own, outside of a larger context. One thing is clear; some of it was Ray’s fault. We are assured of this.

Brad is hiding under the Humvee again.

It starts with a pair of skates (they have toe picks). It doesn’t end there. A story of two skaters featuring a cat, a gender-specific couch and a lot of ice.

The owner of the elite BDSM club M. had not gained his reputation as the most coveted Dominant on the scene by taking on just any riff-raff submissive who asked. It would take an unexpected letter to convince him to accept a new client, but it might turn out to be the biggest mistake he ever made.

A modern day AU that delivers three well-worn tropes (university, strippers, businessmen) for the price of one. Consider this your warning.

>> When Merlin finished his A-levels, financing university by taking his clothes off didn't exactly occur to him. <<

Nate spares a thought for his parents down the hall, but there are his sisters' two empty bedrooms, a guest room and a bathroom between them and him; everybody's used to Brad being in Nate's room anyway.

Did everybody else see this but him?

Clint's got a secret love, and it's spelled b-a-n-j-o.

God, it must have been terrible, to think that he would never have this again.

Basically, Charles Xavier needs a date to his tenth high school reunion. Enter Erik Lehnsherr, Raven’s best friend, who happens to be a model and the new face of Calvin Klein.

Merlin's addicted to Craigslist, Arthur's looking for love in all the wrong places, and with a little help from their friends, they manage to get it together.

"You're thinking of him. I can tell because you look sort of proud, but not in a paternal way. I think I'm beginning to understand the puppy analogy."

And it’s during this miracle that Harvey happens upon them, bent low over Mike’s motherboard and trying to figure out where that hissing noise is coming from and why it sounds like parseltongue.

“I don’t know what that is, but I have a feeling you should keep your tongues to yourself on company time. Just an FYI. Footnote: now that you’ve got a new boyfriend does that mean I’m off the hook? Can I stop shaving my legs again?”

Ben gapes at Harvey like he’s just told him that jQuery is for n00bs.

Mike pats him in what he hopes is a mollifying manner and shushes Harvey in what he knows isn’t half as scolding a tone as he intends.

Sherlock ran a website called The Science Of Seduction, on which he gave advice on the best ways to get laid, wrote blog entries detailing the results of his various sexual 'experiments' and generally contributed to the stereotype of 'every gay man is a sex-mad playboy'. John avoided the thing like the plague.

In which Eames writes (sometimes horrible) horoscopes to woo Arthur, much to the chagrin of everyone (read: Dom), and manages to even mess that up. Go figure.

Harvey Specter isn't just the best closer in New York, he might be the best closer in all of Major League Baseball.

Arthur knows exactly where they are, even with the snow landing fast and thick around them. He knows the woods they’re in better than anyone in the kingdom, recognises every laden bough as he would a brother, and all Merlin’s talk about being lost is just wasted air. Arthur could never be lost in Camelot, not on these lands he’s ranged over since boyhood, this soil he’s fought and lost and bled for.

“...where we’re going, Arthur,” Merlin is saying, and Arthur turns to him with a sigh, because apparently ignoring Merlin isn’t going to make him stop talking. “We’ve passed that stump four times now.”

"Look, I’m not going to beat around the bush here. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders in addition to training and experience. I'm calling to offer you a job as Eames' fulltime bodyguard for his upcoming summer tour."

Where it was Nick Fury's idea, but he didn't mean it like that.

That's the thing about Hollywood--everyone has a Hollywood story.

Good news spreads fast - possibly faster than Tony intended. Pepper's gonna be mad.

“I just think that If we're doing this, we need to make some things absolutely clear," Arthur says, and he lays out a yellow legal pad on the table before Eames--aka Chuck Dickens, Frankie Bacon, and Jim Dean (although really Arthur thinks he's flattering himself with that last one). On that yellow legal pad there is a Venn Diagram, a fucking Venn Diagram, with two circles that do not overlap at all. One says ‘Things I should tell my lawyer,’ and the other says ‘Things I should absolutely not, under no circumstances, ever tell my lawyer.’ ‘No’ is underlined. ‘Ever’ is underlined thrice.

"You've always been obsessed with Malfoy, Harry. That should probably tell you something."

"I do believe the two of you were in the same year as boys, were you not?" Headmaster Shaw said. "Charles is the most competent deputy any headmaster could ask for, Erik, and he's been doing this for years…" He trailed off, as if finally noticing something odd in the way his Potions and Divination masters were staring at each other.

"Of course," Charles said quickly, his voice only a little hoarse, and stuck out his hand. "Welcome back to Hogwarts, Erik."

Then Lilly wins... and there's something in her face that tells you she's been waiting for this for hours.

She points fingers at both of you, then brings them together. "Make out."

When Harry starts to have erotic dreams about his godfather, he questions his sexual preference. The real issue turns out to be even more complicated and disruptive. Then there's Draco.

This. This was something that needed taking care of. In a non-traditional sense.

When Police Sergeant Lance Dulac begins to investigate a crime in the small Welsh village of Camelot, it stirs up decades of secrets.

"Yeah," Joe says, calling his bluff but unable to keep from smiling, "yeah, I'm hoping you'll be my first off-screen dude-on-dude kiss."

“I promised your sister I would look after you, and that’s what I’m doing. Don’t forget, Charles, that you made this bed for yourself. Don’t blame me if you have to lie in it, too.”

Sudoku isn't particularly good with words. But he thinks he's finally puzzled it out.

King's wives; king's sons.

Canon AU -- Merlin's death is only the beginning; with no-one to protect the kingdom, Camelot falls to an enemy sorcerer and Arthur is forced to serve in the court that he once ruled. When an escape attempt goes horribly wrong, Arthur is rescued by someone he never expected to see again -- and it's their destiny to put things right.

Donna and Harvey have been looking out for each other since they were kids. It's what family is supposed to do, after all.

Charles, a miner from a poor village in the countryside, saves the life of Erik Lehnsherr, scion of a successful business family and the richest man on Eisen. Charles is a telepath and somewhat anxious about it, while Erik abstains from relationships because the lights flicker and doors open and electronics vibrate when he gets too excited.

Also features a long-suffering sister, a foul-mouthed bodyguard, and a best friend with a heart that is definitely not gold.

In which there are princes, spaceships, long journeys, and old secrets uncovered. (An AU sci-fi fairytale)

Set one year post movie, Charles overloads himself in Cerebro, and his mind goes walkabout; wherever he is (and he’s around), it’s not in his body. Erik temporarily takes over the school in his absence, and finds that there’s little time for resentment or hatred when he’s busy organizing assigned reading for English lit, keeping the youngest children out of trouble, and trying to talk Raven into wearing clothing for the boys’ sake. Somewhere in between taking responsibility for the students and dreaming Charles’ dreams every night, he manages to remember that he’s something rather more than a weapon. In other words: A Love Story between two Gentlemen, told in Prose, Epistles, and Nonsense Rhymes.

Parody endings to An Ideal Grace (aka how Erik could have found out, but didn't).

Erik Lehnsherr has been charged with the brutal murder of Sebastian Shaw. His case isn't looking very good until he meets the right lawyer.

The one where all the Avengers act like Darcy is a bro and Clint is really bad at flirting.

‘Hey,’ the man purred, ‘you looking for a date?’

‘No,’ Charles said firmly, trying to keep his thoughts on his predicament. ‘I’m looking for my hotel. It’s called the Regent. Can you help me?’ He hadn’t met a whole lot of prostitutes before, but perhaps they knew about these things.

Apparently they did. They also charged unreasonable prices for directions.

As Eames turns to lead them around the building Arthur catches his hand. Eames doesn't flinch away or look down. Arthur taps in Morse code against Eames's palm.

SITREP

Eames taps back FUBAR.

But before Arthur could decide if he should be worried or angry, the voice continued: “We know about you and Jack Eames, Arthur.”

When Alex Summers broke out of supermax to rescue his stupid kid brother, he had no idea it was going to be so fucking complicated.

Harvey's take on the events of Pizza And A Movie, including more sex than can be measured without algebraic calculations, accidental flirting with Tom Keller, the Trauma Drama of the Grapefruit Knife, the reformation of Kyle, and the importance of having a home.

Donna's view of the events of Pizza And A Movie: introducing Harvey to Rollo's, rescuing him from poor relationship choices, uncovering the mystery of the Pizza Guy, and protecting Mike Ross from those who would do him ill.

In an alternate universe, Harvey's still a lawyer but Mike's not a pot runner -- he's a deliveryman for Rollo's Pizza and Ribs, which happens to be Harvey's favorite pizza place. Once Harvey finds out his pizza guy is a genius, Mike's life takes a few turns he would not have expected.

Non-Starfleet AU. Jim owns a small bar in Chicago, keeps on picking up strays and taking care of everyone no matter how hard it makes his own life. Spock is a journalist writing feature articles for the Chicago Tribune; he depicts the world with uncanny skill, but hides more than one personal drama and is possibly under surveillance from the Vulcan royal family. They meet by accident just before their lives start to spin out of control.

"Oh, I'm sure," Tony says. "Hormone sure. Legal name-change sure. Suits sure." His words slur and slide into each other, but he thinks Obadiah gets the point.

Arthur is the son of the ruler, and an Omega male. Eames is leading the revolution. Which kidnaps Arthur. This is only the start of their problems.

Tony Stark lives a double life; he's secretly the supervillain known as Iron Man. But his loving husband Steve has a few secrets of his own, as Tony is about to discover.

At seventeen, Trevor and Jenny are prototypical high school sweethearts, or they would be, it if wasn’t for Mike. They’ve been dating since the eighth grade, and it’s at the point where they’re firmly “Trevor and Jenny,” and not “Trevor” and “Jenny,” but Mike’s been there for every minute of it. Officially, he’s Trevor’s best friend, and Jenny’s confidante, but in practice, Mike’s so much more than that.

Jim Kirk, a man of long drives and large personality, stumbles into a career in the PGA Tour. Fame, fortune and notoriety await him as Jim collects national media attention, groupies, a new best friend, the ire of the first lady of pro golf, and also, maybe, the love of his life.

“Uh…” Steve isn’t really sure how to phrase his issue in the form of a message. He clears his throat, and regroups after only a beat of hesitation. “I just got a phone call from Loki.”

Harvey's client is trying to take on the mob, in the form of John "Three-Guns" Boccacho. Johnny Three-Guns has decided Harvey's an easier target, but fortunately Harvey's top PI and all-around badass, Mike Ross, is on the case.

Obviously, it was not just any sort of egg.

In which Prince Arthur meets Merlin and all hell breaks lose.

Of all the many things Merlin had ever worried about getting arrested for, despoiling the king's ward hadn't been one of them.

In fact, had they not passed a sniggering stable boy on their way out of the gate, Merlin might have even considered it a good day.

Merlin looked her in the eye – rare enough, for the man who shares her husband’s bed – and told her he’d no idea what was coming, but that they had all better be more prepared than they were.

"I don't even care if half the court has had you. You vile tempter."

"I don't like to share." Arthur smirked at Cadwgan, who was settling himself heavily on a facing bench, just around the curve of the rough circle. Merlin flinched at that, forcing down his natural urge to protest that he was not Arthur's to share, regardless.

In retrospect, Arthur really should have known. How could he have been so oblivious? It wasn't as if Merlin was being even the least bit subtle about it. Arthur knew Merlin was born with less than a thimble's worth of tact, but this was just ridiculous. Arthur was ashamed of how long it had taken him to work it out. The only good news was that it seemed the rest of the castle had yet to work it out themselves. Arthur could hardly blame them for their ignorance, however, considering it had taken Arthur this long to work it out himself, and he was possessed of a vastly superior intellect inherent in his status at birth. And, after all, if everyone else in the castle had a mad crush on Arthur, it was no wonder they'd missed the fact that Merlin did, too.

When Merlin woke the next morning, he spent a good ten minutes staring at the canopy, trying to convince himself he didn't remember where he was and didn't remember exactly what he was doing there and how many times he had done it.

“Oh yes, everything’s perfect. My father thinks I indulge in ‘inappropriate behaviour’ with my manservant and he’s going to marry me off as soon as possible. Everything’s just wonderful.”

Here's what they know: they did not have sex. But no one will ever believe it.

"You shall be awarded a position in the royal household. You shall be Prince Arthur’s manservant."

"What happened?" At her hesitation, Merlin leans forward. "He set himself on fire in the kitchen the last time she visited. To avoid eating in her presence."

The first time Lt Arthur Pendragon properly met A1C Merlin Emrys, he was doing push-ups on the floor of the Fort Campbell weather station.

A typical week in Camelot, as its inhabitants can’t help but notice Arthur and Merlin are no longer simply master and servant. A lot of coughing ensues…

Algernon sicked up under my bed. Moony and I discussed what we could do with it during breakfast, but by the time I’d run up to preserve it after lunch, the house-elves had already got to it. Another wasted opportunity.

"I understand your father likes the Muggles. Do you know anything about their blasted copy papering machines? Every time I put a roll of parchment in the tray it tells me I'm making jam."