Phil Coulson wakes up in a hospital bed. Well, damn.

In which there either is or isn't a cellist.

Clint's definition of an acceptable loss is a little different than the team's.

Every office has a 'cute guy from Marketing with a great ass' that everyone wants to sleep with. Among the junior agents at SHIELD, that person is Phil Coulson. Clint would find it hilarious, but he just wants people to stop throwing themselves at his boyfriend.

Clint Barton is a) seventeen, b) only slightly addicted to porn and c) infatuated with Phil Coulson.

Clint rejects this reality and replaces it with his own.

Taking care of Tony is a lot of work. Especially when you’ve only got one arm. And your code dates back to the 1980s.

He shoots Clint Barton in the thigh in an alleyway in Alphabet City, too close to District X for comfort. He uses his tie as a tourniquet and helps Barton to his feet and wonders if Barton always talks this much.

They don’t fuck in the Avengers’ Mansion, that’s rule number one of Having A Secret Relationship With Your Ex-Handler.

If this is what the middle of the night is usually like, Clint is prepared to visit it way more often.

It’s a party and Coulson is a wallflower. He’s wallflowering like a motherfucker, like it’s his job and maybe it is, sometimes, when there are Avengers avenging and he’s got to coordinate attacks and retreats but it’s a fucking retirement party and Clint’s going to make sure Coulson enjoys himself.

At age fifteen, Steve Rogers had been in love with Tony Stark.

By age twenty, he’d (mostly) gotten over it. And then he promptly became Tony Stark's fuck buddy.

Clint, Coulson, injury, and the appropriate response from field agents regarding orders.

Clint’s hands never shake. He can take down an enemy sniper at one hundred feet in driving rain while bleeding out from a bullet wound in the stomach (that’s not theoretical; he’s tried it) but his hands never shake.

In which the Avengers take advantage of some unexpected downtime around Tony's pool and several of Clint's tattoos are discussed. Including the one just over his heart.

If a top secret file on Phil Coulson and Clint Barton's relationship existed, it would look something like this.

Day 214 on the campaign trail of Steve Rogers for President. Twenty-sixteen's turning out to be a hell of a year.