“The world is not your playground, Stark!” Fury yells at him one time, after he maybe brings down a building or two and Tony just laughs because, seriously, yes it is.

One minute Clint's reaching for his gun to stop Loki stealing the Tesseract, the next he's shooting Fury and taking it. Easy as switching sides.

Eames navigates the preconscious world straight into Arthur's pants.

Arthur and Eames suck at phone sex.

It starts, as it so often does, as a harmless prank, but it rapidly takes on a life of its own.

A blur of green in amongst the ruin and the arrow is in his hand, the string drawn to his cheek.

They're paired by their music teacher for their final assessment, a Battle of the Bands-style playoff. Unfortunately, she doesn't know that a bit of high school drama went down at term-break. She doesn't know what this one song she's making them play might mean to both of them.

"I'm looking for a good bra," she smiles again, "I'm sure you hear that every day."

Most people, when they break up, sort through their record collections, possibly chuck each other’s clothes onto the sidewalk, engage in soul-destroying coffee dates where they try to sort through the emotional debris, and then leave each other the fuck alone.

Clint and Natasha were never very good at acting like normal people, though, which is why they run a cafe together.

Arthur and Eames adopt a kid and raise that kid into Neal Caffrey.

Arthur needs a date for Gwen's wedding. The rest is history.

Phil Coulson wakes up in a hospital bed. Well, damn.

In which there either is or isn't a cellist.

"He predates S.H.I.E.L.D. Everything we know about him are stories of legends."

Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, and a lot of memories in the aftermath. Post-movie.

Everybody lies, everybody fronts.

Clint's definition of an acceptable loss is a little different than the team's.

Nash is this, Nash is that, but it's far more likely that Nash is just something in between.

"Did you know," Rodney said, sitting down across from Sheppard in the mess and automatically reaching over to snatch away John's chocolate Snack Pack, "that you and Samantha Carter graduated from the academy the same year?"

John set down his half-finished turkey sandwich and shoved a few crinkle fries around his mostly-full plate, looking inscrutable.   "Did we," he said.

Erik returns to the mansion to find that the students don't exactly trust him, and they'll do whatever it takes to keep him and Charles apart even if it means more learning. Charles is simply pleased the students are so keen on their studies.

She remembers the secrets that have kept her alive all these years.

In which Brad is a desperately self-sacrificing HRH, Nate is not happy about being blind-sided, Ray wants to kill the Swedish press corps, and Walt is present in the background like a good bodyguard.

Every office has a 'cute guy from Marketing with a great ass' that everyone wants to sleep with. Among the junior agents at SHIELD, that person is Phil Coulson. Clint would find it hilarious, but he just wants people to stop throwing themselves at his boyfriend.

"We're not going to talk about this."

Eames doesn’t know what he thought worst-case scenario was, but it was never this.

Some days, Arthur knew he deserved what he got. Other days, he still knew it, but he wrapped himself in self-pity, let it encase him like a security blanket, and didn’t know how to settle without it.

Sometimes Eames tells himself lies like he’s setting himself a dare, like how he tells himself he’s in love with Arthur, how he’s desperate to have Arthur love him back. That’s a good one.

Harvey can wax poetic about addiction all he likes, facts Mike knows are half made up and truths that are mostly lies, but he knows Harvey knows—it’s a break in the monotony he’s looking for, a place to put it, an off off off switch he’s never quite managed to find.

Harvey broke so many rules bringing Mike in as his associate and even more starting a personal relationship with him and after months of living and loving in secret Mike couldn’t take the secrecy anymore, felt like his whole life was a lie, and something had to give and in the end it was them that they let go of. It is their blessing and their curse. This job brought them together but it's also what tore them apart.

Natasha met Clint a little more than five years ago, under less than ideal circumstances. She met Phil five years ago, when things had got worse. It hasn’t been all downhill from there, but at least she’s had company. [No movie spoilers]

Clint rejects this reality and replaces it with his own.

“Did you serve in Afghanistan or Iraq?” the man clarifies, steepling his fingers under his chin so that he looks like he’s praying for patience, and John reminds himself that he only has to attend six obligatory sessions with a psychiatrist.

He shoots Clint Barton in the thigh in an alleyway in Alphabet City, too close to District X for comfort. He uses his tie as a tourniquet and helps Barton to his feet and wonders if Barton always talks this much.

Dreamshare is an addiction with some nasty side-effects. Eames and Arthur have a working solution, but when Cobb brings Ariadne into the team, they start to realise that not everyone has a safety-net.

It's such a little thing, a bullet, to be giving Erik so many problems.

Brad meets a Nate on his first day at the new school. It's a beginning.

Epistolary fic. Eames wants a job. Arthur mostly wants Eames to shut up.

“The others are running late?” he asks and Brad blinks at him slowly, because he doesn’t think he actually knows this guy. It’s true, he doesn’t remember everyone he has classes with, but he’s pretty damn sure he’d know if he made lunch arrangements.

And while some people simply have no sense of decorum (Ray) or refuse to acknowledge all the hard work Brad puts into seeming as unapproachable as humanly possible (Ray) to save himself from idiots (also Ray), this one looks like he attends Sunday school and says all the thank yous and pleases in the right places.

What he doesn’t look is confused, at least not until Brad stares at him.

Brad's sister is the one to call and tell him. Of all the people.

Walt informs him that the dog is a flat coated retriever, which doesn't tell Ray all that much. What the dog is, is a ball of fluff with big, pretty eyes, which kind of makes sense, because, well, Walt's dog.

The Vulcans thought that humans in space, unsupervised, would be too much for the galaxy to handle. And that was before Jim Kirk came along.

Darcy Lewis got hired to work as an office monkey for S.H.I.E.L.D. at least partially because of her SCUBA certification. She never quite expected to use it.

[fireandice] (18.35): If, on the other hand, you’re writing, as I suspect you are, for Midgardian fangirls, then get straight to the point. Armour off, shield down, straight to the fighting and fornication.

[hammer_time] (18.37): What’s a “fangirl”?

[fireandice] (18.38): Don’t be disingenuous. If you didn’t want me to know what Livejournal communities you frequent, you should have picked a less obvious username, oh God of Thunder.

John Sheppard hates to fly. He’s hated it since he was 15, his father crash-landing just north of Edwards Air Force Base and his mother fainting on the kitchen floor. It’s terribly inefficient as a means of propulsion (the fuel to payload ratios are completely insane) and the process is distasteful (taking off your shoes in public should never be required), not to mention the service near negligent (only offering nut-based products to a captive audience).

Brad supposes that complaining about having too good a boyfriend wouldn’t win him any support from anyone.

Darcy has a mom who used to be a showgirl in Vegas and a dad who is a financial advisor in Santa Fe. She also has a Tony.

"Brad Colbert, Christ-Killer."

"Ainsley Seaborn, Blond Republican Sex Kitten," Ainsley said, deadpan. She took his offered hand firmly.

Brad’s plans for the Friday night included: pizza, working on his bike in Doc’s garage, listening to Ray’s band butcher whatever song they’re working on and listening to Ray’s rant on modern music, radio fascists who block his career, and how Brad never listens to him at all.

Also planned: trying not to kill Ray. It’s a constant struggle.

What he did not plan at all was to learn that, apparently, he was the sole heir to the Genovian throne. As you do.

That's the twenty-first century love song, baby. Glitz and glamour and every one of us is a liar.

It’s a party and Coulson is a wallflower. He’s wallflowering like a motherfucker, like it’s his job and maybe it is, sometimes, when there are Avengers avenging and he’s got to coordinate attacks and retreats but it’s a fucking retirement party and Clint’s going to make sure Coulson enjoys himself.

Trevor sends Harvey an unsolicited email from Montana every few weeks, and Harvey can't figure out why.

The day after they ordered Lorne back to Earth, John got a visit from Cadman. She stood in his office at attention for thirty seconds before she managed, “Sir, permission to speak freely,” and he gave it to her.

Brad gets a new call-sign.

Not that Poke's complaining, but he's never, ever again playing a motherfucking yenta to anyone on his team. Or anyone ever again. Sure, the mental soap opera was driving him nuts, but this is worse, this time the stray sexual thoughts coming from certain retards are real, and it's a hell lot more than he had ever wanted to know.

Poke's quite good at cutting off the stream of people's thoughts, but every once in a while something gets through and it's going to put him in therapy for years. No one should be exposed to fucking Iceman's rhapsodizing on LT's eyes. Or his dick. Poke's not sure which one is worse – the cheese or the porn.

Ray stops and reconsiders. There are at least four telepaths on the base, that he knows of, and he has been repeatedly told his thoughts are disruptive and inappropriate for the workplace.

He says, fuck them, it's probably the only time the goat-fucking nutjobs get to have any fun in here, Ray is doing them a huge favor and should be rewarded.

Stafford would like you to know, Ray is not the only person who can know somebody really well.

By the time he had teamed up with the one that looked like a very young Tristan, and the one that looked like Bedevere, if Bedevere had been a changeling, or, at least, vaguely fey, he still had not found Merlin.

An Ancient device gives John unexpected (and unwelcome) insight into the relationships of Johns and Rodneys across the multiverse.

The day the McKays moved into Eureka Jack got approximately a dozen phone calls from Fargo, who was hiding under a desk in his office at Global Dynamics.

"Do you know when I last saw Rodney McKay?" Fargo whispered through the telephone line. "I last saw Rodney McKay when he was threatening to kill me using a protractor during a seminar he was leading in graduate school! This was before he started to lose his hair! Can you just imagine what a safety threat he is by now?"

Exactly what it says on the tin. (With links to the songs!)

Rodney McKay is a maligned scientist, kicked out of his cushy post at a leading university. When no other school will hire him, he falls back on his high school hobby--inventing simple items to help around the house. The problem is, his abrasive personality makes selling his brilliant inventions hard. Enter John Sheppard, king of late night infomercials. John's sure his good looks and charm can help sell Rodney's products, but first they'll have to sell John to Rodney...

Dr. John Sheppard was not as excited about joining the project as Rodney was to have him on board.

Rodney buys a magical lamp.

The first time Rod told his Sheppard where he could stick his MENSA meetings, it was both frightening and exhilarating.

Sil shrugged and tapped on the readout screen. "This is a tagged government ship. The broadcast is clear, the designation is on the list. It's the Aurora."

This is an AU featuring Rodney McKay as a U.C. Berkeley physics professor who absolutely cannot stand the new faculty hire, John Sheppard.

Erik runs a kosher bakery. Charles comes in for baked goods. They play chess, eat meringues, people drop other people's keys down the toilet, and there's mutant performance art.

Bucky meets the team and manages to survive the experience, Tony is his usual dysfunctional self, and Steve pouts with deadly force.

Bucky is found by SHIELD. Tony wants a project. They meet somewhere in the middle.

Erik doesn't believe in mermaids.

And then he meets Charles.

The first time they met, it took twenty-eight seconds for Eames to start hitting on Arthur. It took a good five hours for Arthur to point a gun at Eames’ head.

Four times Neal steals Peter's wallet, and one time he doesn't.

Lestrade has apparently arrested an American billionaire for murder.

Erik's spent fifty years being a figurehead and he's ready to leave that behind. Luckily, so is Charles.

(aka Old Retired Dudes in Love)

"Well," Brad says, trying to think logically about an impossible affliction based on a movie about Bill Murray and a rodent. "What have you tried so far?"

Eames secretly hates working jobs with Ariadne, because they always end up working out of Paris, so that she can still attend classes, and Eames hates Paris. Hates it with a passion so bigoted and without foundation that he suspects he inherited it.

When Nate disappears, Brad doesn't stop until he gets him back.

"I'm leaving, Brad."

Brad is hiding under the Humvee again.

Nate's half-tempted, sometimes, to call up Mike and ask if he’s created his and Brad’s easy vibe out of thin air and memory, because they’re stilted and full of awkward silence on the phone; post-series.