By the time he had teamed up with the one that looked like a very young Tristan, and the one that looked like Bedevere, if Bedevere had been a changeling, or, at least, vaguely fey, he still had not found Merlin.

"Yeah," Joe says, calling his bluff but unable to keep from smiling, "yeah, I'm hoping you'll be my first off-screen dude-on-dude kiss."

Ten years from now, Zach reads a promising script.

For Zach's 34th birthday, J.J. Abrams give him the reigns of the Star Trek reboot franchise and tells Zach to give him a script, a cast, and a shooting schedule by the end of the summer. Not to be left out, Chris helps out by turning the original screenwriters' swamp of notes into a shooting script and John takes over casting duties. Despite three months of whining, cereal, sighing, whining, and cross-country banter, they might just manage to get this movie together and make something new of their careers.

2010: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is released, a film based on the novel of the same name. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences experiment with having the Academy Awards (or "Oscars") decided by popular vote. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows sweeps the field, winning a record 19 Oscars.

It started when Tennant went on that talk show and they told him about pornographic fan-fiction, which gobsmacked him so thoroughly that he mentioned it to John because pain shared is pain lessened. And John admitted with absolutely no shame at all that of course he knew about it, because hello, free gay porn starring himself. What's not to love?

If the fans are reading a little more into their dynamic than what's going on in reality, well then, that's why its called fiction. But he's starting to see glimpses of reality in the fiction.

It's stories about him. And Zach. Together. Chris grins. Fans are awesome!

Zach sits on the website for two days before he finally looks it up. It's an amusing and terrifying idea, fans writing stories about your life, and Zach can't quite decide if he's horrified or intrigued. He settles somewhere in between.

Zach has an idea. It is sheer genius.

Short of dancing naked around and around Zach until they both get dizzy and fall over, shouting, "Gay, I am gay for you, I am so SO gay for you," he can't see a better way to communicate his non-heterosexuality. Chris Pine, he thinks, you evil genius.

"Chris and I have known each other actually before we did the movie. We have overlapping social circles. We live in the same neighborhood in L.A."

Fucking tease, Zach thinks, fuming.

Chris and Zach are very handsy. Zach thinks they're flirting, but Chris thinks they're playing gay chicken and he wants to win.

The thing is, Zach's not a creepy guy. No, really, he's not. He's just very... specific. He likes certain specific things. He likes the way Chris smells. It’s totally not as creepy as it sounds. Honestly.

He fights the snort as Chris says, "Thanks darl', you’re a star," in the most casual of tones despite the surprise Zach can see in his quirked eyebrow. Chris takes a swig of the hot liquid and the girl twirls a strand of hair around one finger, giggling at something he says. Zach rolls his eyes at her obvious flirting, but he can’t help but watch in a mixture of awe and disgust as Chris plugs the girl’s number into his phone four minutes later. Charming bastard.

"Oh my God, this shit has developed a narrative thread," Chris marvels.

"Oh, no," Zach deadpans, feigning an exaggerated look of horror, "you found my stash of kinky sex paraphernalia. Whatever will I do.” He rolls his eyes. "Seriously, you read sex into everything; it’s pathological. They’re for shaving." He goes back to what’s probably the New York Times, then looks up again and adds pointedly, "For shaving facial hair."

Did they tell you something they didn’t tell me? Because I was told it’s just the flu and I’ll be back to work Monday. But if I’m dying I think I have the right to know.

A few weeks after the promotional whirlwind ended, though, Chris was bored. Everything was always in the same place and nothing could be moved without a joint session of the Gosh, I'm So Tired of This Object Here, Where Should It Go? committee, comprised of Zach, Harold the cat, and Noah the dog, with Chris recently appointed as honorary secretary/mover.

In which Chris likes to touch, and Zach goes through several phases regarding this, including discomfort, apathy, suspicion, acceptance, and obsession to the point of insanity. It's like the stages of depression, except with more erections and about the same amount of drinking.

About three interviews after they mention the word competition, Chris decides it’s time to step things up a notch. Things don't exactly go to plan.

Zach and him are comfortable enough for Chris to be sure that a bit of body-mimicry will be sufficiently subtle and normal enough a start; and he does just that, arranges his body in a loose echo of Zach’s posture a minute into the interview.

Zach's had crushes on guys before, both straight and involved, all unavailable, and he figures he'll get over this crush on Chris just like he got over all the others. He's never seen Chris before now, and just because it looks like he'll be using Chris's boyfriend as his personal trainer doesn't mean he'll actually see him. Except that he does.

For a few million years, the earth was populated entirely by dinosaurs. While good guy Brontosaurus!Harry splashed happily in the water, nibbling plants, evil Raptor!Draco plotted to eat his vegetarian rival some day. However, when the dreaded Voldie Rex came along, raptor and brontosaurus discovered true love under the gentle shade of a pterodactyl’s wings. Tragically, even Raptor!Draco could not withstand the asteroid that obliterated Harry, Voldie and every trace of life on the planet.

"Chris, works of art are for admiring, humans are for fucking. Which position would you rather have in my life?"

The thing is, Chris knows, logically, emotionally even, that fucking Zach is just about the worst idea in the world.

Standing to the right of the camera, Zoë pulls a silly face. Chris can't help but laugh - queen of the Star Trek set, and she sticks her tongue out and crosses her eyes. The camera goes off immediately to catch his smile, click, click, click.

There's irony in the fact that the word "moribund" is responsible for the shiny new feelings in Zach.

He's talking about a spider. And Bradley insists it's the very same spider he removed from his bathtub last week. Not only is the spider back, but it's brought a date.

It starts with a text. Zach checks his phone and smiles; it’s Chris. Chris, who’s bored, apparently, and wants to go drinking, or at least bar-hopping.

"Let me guess. He was talking about getting the band back together," he said. Zach nodded. "JJ gets that itch every six months. I have the emails to prove it."

"Fine, I'll look after his stupid arse," he grumbled. "But I charge fifty pounds an hour and I want to be able to watch telly when he's asleep."

Arthur comes back as Barack Obama. YES. I WENT THERE.

Zach listens to Chris sing off-key and suffers the theft of his glasses.

St. Mary's is just like Chris's last parish.

He wants to touch Chris's teeth, because they're picket-fence-straight and Zach isn't ever going to have one of those.

The end of the world came precisely after a night of post-premier partying. The last of the Star Trek trilogy had been let loose on the world and the actors off their leashes to be typecast in other roles or at least until Chris Pine (and secretly Zachary Quinto too) got his wish to star in a remake of Sling Blade.

In which Bradley attempts to become indie, if only he knew what indie was.

"Please don't go by C. Pine. I will end you. See also: C., Whitelaw, or Chrissy. Princess Whitelaw's good. Nothing Pine-related either."

Almost immediately, a text in return: "Have you noticed how many times you threaten to kill me per day?" Followed by: "You're the Dread Pirate Roberts to my Westley, aren't you?"

"Dude," Zach replies, shaking his head, "Isn't that masturbatory at some point? DON'T WRITE ABOUT IT IN YOUR PAPER."

Written and originally posted for this kinkmeme prompt: "The reason Colin is so defensive about slashing Arthur and Merlin is that he secretly reads and/or writes A/M slash and is terrified of anyone finding out. Bonus points if the discovery of Colin reading/writing stash leads to some Bradley/Colin action." The title is from a Conrad Aiken poem with the same title.

Coming together was so, so easy. Chris tries to remember that later, remember what's right when everything else is wrong as hell, but it's harder.

There are lots of interesting things on YouTube, Colin. You shouldn’t be so judgmental.

Zach can be kind of a pretentious minimalist sometimes, and he's worst in the early mornings. Chris considers it his civic duty to prevent him from throwing important things away willy-nilly before 11am, and from doing things like, as he did on one particularly memorable occasion, buying an oil painting of a purple square from a sketchy art website for $1600.

In which Chris isn't completely unaware of the implications.

"Unseen University, this is Jurisfiction. We will require your co-operation. Your premises have been compromised by--"

You have discovered the truth, Penny: I've never really met Leonard Nimoy.

Three days before they're due to start shooting series four, Colin Morgan comes out on Friday Night With Jonathan Ross.

Entertainment Monthly sits down with George Clooney and Brad Pitt to talk about pranks on set, making serious movies, and polygamous compounds.

The one where Chris has stupid glasses and a lot of paperbacks, Zach knows too much for his own good, there are at least two lap dances, and everybody wants to sleep with Dorothy Parker.

"Quinto Mad Libs," Cho says. "My date was: mean adjective, meaner adjective, devastating five-syllable mean adjective."

Chris finds out that Zach's a lady on the street but a freak in the sheets.

Chris turns around and looks out the window again. It looks straight into someone else's bedroom and, yeah, that's a guy on a bed getting head from another guy.

Chris hires a hipster manny for his son Nicky.

Colin in Bradley meet through a mutual friend, start sending each other cards and end up falling for each other. But it's still all rather complicated (possibly because they keep trying to make it complicated.)

George breaks a rule, Chris is kind of slutty, Zach continues to be awesome, and they all live happily ever after.

"Are you and Zoe, y'know..."

Realistically, he just didn’t have time to be King of England.