In the months after the inception job, Ariadne slips from one life to another.

In which Brad is a desperately self-sacrificing HRH, Nate is not happy about being blind-sided, Ray wants to kill the Swedish press corps, and Walt is present in the background like a good bodyguard.

Sometimes Eames tells himself lies like he’s setting himself a dare, like how he tells himself he’s in love with Arthur, how he’s desperate to have Arthur love him back. That’s a good one.

Five things Albus Dumbledore could not bring himself to say to Gellert Grindelwald. (One of them is a lie.)

Everyone thinks Peter Burke has only caught Neal Caffrey twice. Everyone is wrong.

Four times Neal steals Peter's wallet, and one time he doesn't.

And it’s during this miracle that Harvey happens upon them, bent low over Mike’s motherboard and trying to figure out where that hissing noise is coming from and why it sounds like parseltongue.

“I don’t know what that is, but I have a feeling you should keep your tongues to yourself on company time. Just an FYI. Footnote: now that you’ve got a new boyfriend does that mean I’m off the hook? Can I stop shaving my legs again?”

Ben gapes at Harvey like he’s just told him that jQuery is for n00bs.

Mike pats him in what he hopes is a mollifying manner and shushes Harvey in what he knows isn’t half as scolding a tone as he intends.

Five years. Five times they don't fuck, just fuck with each other. No times they don't.

Charles doesn't really care what his daemon chooses to be. Raven just wants it to happen. Erik has forgotten what it's like to have a soul. Alex is running for his life. And Sebastian Shaw knows, the moment his Pele settles, they're destined for great things.

Or, five different characters and how their daemon settled.

Harry Potter has only ever had two goals in life: to defeat Voldemort and to bring his followers to justice. One, he's done. The other is in progress. It should be simple, except there's one former Death Eater who doesn't meet the right criteria.

In which Sirius Black knows more than he ever wanted to.

"Oh, I'm sure," Tony says. "Hormone sure. Legal name-change sure. Suits sure." His words slur and slide into each other, but he thinks Obadiah gets the point.

And that’s how Logan joins Charles Xavier and Eric Lensherr in working with the CIA.

Hey, he never said he wasn’t an easy date.

“Tony, you didn’t do something stupid,” Pepper said, stalking toward him, her heels sinking into the carpet as she moved, “like tell Steve that being gay is just the thing to do in 2012? Hmm?”

Four Ways Merlin is a Crap Servant and One Way He Isn’t. Oh, Who Are We Kidding. Five. Five Ways.

Through careful observation and pattern-spotting of which he felt Gaius would have been very proud, Merlin had concluded that Arthur was in fact a selective prat, and predicting the worst fits of prattery was no more difficult than looking out of the window and predicting rain based on the presence of charcoal clouds."

He doesn't mean to the first time. Truly. It was an honest mistake.

Arthur likes to think he's good at concealing things. But Merlin knows just how to find all of Arthur's secrets, and suddenly nothing is safe.

Four times theme:alcohol failed to solve Merlin's problems (and one time it did).

In which Crowley starts over. Again. And again. And again.

The first time they end up in bed together, Arthur is crawling towards death with his fingers raked into the ground.

Five ways the secret isn't revealed.

Five times Uther knew Merlin was using magic and chose to ignore it.

"Oh, just shut up and refill my bath with warm water and I'll undress if it makes you work quicker!"

Future mercilessly robbed of him by the flames of one king's retribution, Merlin breathes his last breath -- and the infant Myrddin breathes his first. Destiny can never be thwarted. It can only be delayed for a while.

Their first attempt at having sex lasts exactly ninety seconds, which is the precise amount of time needed for Merlin to reach behind Arthur's back to try to unhook his nonexistent bra, and for Arthur to smooth his hands over Merlin's chest to palm his nonexistent breasts. The moment of utter confusion is followed immediately by a supremely awkward silence.

The brochure boasted about was the time when everything changed: Cardiff twenty-first century. All Jethro saw was humans and cars, pavement and glass, and boring, boring water.

The fourth time Raito comes to the hotel room in the middle of the night, L knows.

James' middle name is Alexander.

James was pink from head to toe, and from what Remus could see, it was the same exact color all over--not like a sunburn with varying shades, but a solid stomach-medicine hue, vaguely nauseating in and of itself. It had to be Charmwork. Advanced Charmwork from the looks of it--magic that no regular first year ought to have known. Which narrowed the field to James--who was predisposed to magic; Sirius--who was predisposed to mischief; Remus--who was predisposed to reading; or Snape.

Detailing those certain things which every child of Camelot grows up hearing stories about and would swear on their life to have never heard.

Playing "I Never" with Captain Jack is futile. And debilitating.

In the days after Sirius dies, everyone avoids talking to Remus. It's almost like they don't know what to say, and don't want to risk saying something wrong. Or perhaps they just find it inconvenient to talk to a grieving man. Yes. That could be it.

Remus wasn't sure what he'd expected, but perpetual Padfoot wasn't it.

"HUFFLEPUFF!" the Sorting Hat announced, and Remus scurried over to the Hufflepuff table, hoping he could make friends there while still keeping his secret.

It takes Jim a few minutes of standing in the corridor staring at Spock's door before he realizes why it didn't work. They always take their meals together. And, Jim realizes, he always smiles and flirts with Spock. Spock had no idea anything was going on at all. Perhaps he needs advice.

Jim's been taking fencing lessons from Sulu for over a month when Arthur Pendragon comes on board.

Merlin wakes up in Arthur's bed five times and incidentally discovers time travel along the way.

The first time it happens, it just, sort of, well, it happens. He's sitting on the bridge, and they're kind of talking, but mostly just barking orders at everyone who'll listen because it's a bit of an emergency, and Kirk's got something about crew morale in the back of his mind because he's a damn good captain. And he's thinking about making them laugh, but he's also thinking about making sure they don't all die in the next ten minutes.

"I'm afraid I am not familiar with that expression, Mr. Scott. What do you mean by 'they have got no balls?'"

"Chris and I have known each other actually before we did the movie. We have overlapping social circles. We live in the same neighborhood in L.A."

The five times Spock wasn't in love, and the one time he couldn't deny it anymore.

Do not watch soap operas. You'll find yourself making too many comparisons with your crewmates.

Arthur doesn’t have an exceptional rebirth, nor does he live an exceptional life, but it is one free from expectations. Arthur does not marry Gwen, no one betrays him and he lives longer than he ever could have as king. There are no great wars, no disasters, no pain; just a vegetable garden, two cows, and William.

Five times Pavel Chekov hated being the only seventeen-year-old on the Enterprise.

Contrary to popular belief, James Tiberius Kirk has not slept with the entire crew of the USS Enterprise. No, really.

Because Ahlee is new to the bridge, she cannot tell if her colleagues have also noticed Spock’s disquiet. She finds herself distracted by his distraction, which she cannot understand and which does not match her expectations of a senior Starfleet officer, let alone a Vulcan senior officer.

The first time Spock woke up with the captain in his bed, it was because of the very strangeness. There was some sort of cool, clinging blanket wrapped around him. There was also a smaller point of heat pressing against his shoulder blades, but that he easily identified as Tribble, Ship's-Cat 3rd Class (Under Fifty Pests Exterminated). He and the ship's-cats did not, exactly, get along, but they frequented his quarters because of the higher heat, and often curled up around him when he was in the rec areas. He did not find it unacceptable to share his bed with them or allow them to sit near him. He was always slightly cold, and the creatures were a welcome source of radiated heat. The other presence, however, was unexpected.

Five Things that Scotty Noticed and Didn’t Mention to the General Public, And One Thing That Spread Around the Enterprise Within Five Minutes of him Seeing It.

Seven times the crew of the Enterprise meet the Endless.

"Well, you see, once upon a time, there was this scraggy-looking maiden called Merlin who was awful at everything."

Castiel has been Fallen -- he refuses to think of himself as human -- for about eight weeks, and he is seriously considering breaking one of his Father's commandments.

They’re pulling up the tree-lined avenue toward Buckingham when he suffers an attack of conscience and deletes most of the images — all the most revealing, all the most explicit. He keeps only what’s absolutely necessary to prove a point, and it still burns at him, to know that in less than an hour these will be everywhere and that they’ll never be erased. They’ll live in zeros and ones long after he’s dead, and maybe Merlin will never forgive him for letting his cell phone get stolen, but he’d hate Arthur far, far more if he knew the truth — Merlin always gets caught up in the tangential details. Arthur could explain for hours, days, weeks, but Merlin would never really believe him.

Merlin was never an old man when Arthur was crowned, just an old soul.

Should he tell Chekov that Kirk and Spock were living together? Chekov could keep his mouth shut, but -- no, this was one of those things that was too good to keep to himself and too fucking insane to tell anyone, even his best friend. If Chekov found out on his own, then they'd scream about it and never tell anyone; yet if Spock was being moved into Kirk's room in the middle of the night, the chances of their going public any time soon were fucking slim, if existent at all.

After the bar fight, Nyota thinks to herself that if this is what being hit on by Jim Kirk leads to, she’s very glad she’s never going to have to see him again.

"Oh, my God, you’ve fallen off the wagon into the seedy underbelly and started selling yourself to pay tuition."

You have discovered the truth, Penny: I've never really met Leonard Nimoy.

"The same goes for you, Albus. This may not go to the Ministry, but I don't think it will show you best-placed to care for your sister - or your brother."

They end up having to platonically share a bed for ages.

Ariadne will only construct maze settings that logically require Arthur to wear suits, a la the hotel dream layer.

All for the want of a horseshoe nail.

Five Times Nick and Mia would've totally Done It had it not been for the fact that this is a kid's movie.

Over the course of twenty years, Draco must find room to carry the things he loves best.

Neal doesn't call Peter anything but 'Peter'. When it all first starts, and he is carefully figuring out his place in their life, he sometimes has trouble calling Peter anything at all, because his throat closes up around the sound of Peter's name. During that time he lavishes what feels like enormous amounts of affection on Satchmo, whom he calls Mo; he adds various words to suit the moment. Mo Food, Mo Walks, Mo Peeing, Mo Petting. Mo Love. When Peter just looks at him and smiles, Neal thinks, 'I am as transparent as glass,' which is not a thought he is comfortable with, but he gets used to it. And eventually, 'Peter' rolls off of his tongue again, easily--said, growled, shouted, whispered, breathed. Peter. Peter. Peter.

"Don't you ever wonder why it is you don't argue like this with anyone but me?"

"What? Like girls don’t wonder about these things also?"

Transitioning from "hating each other's guts" to "friends" to something more takes a lot of work, on both their parts, but it isn't until after they start spending the bulk of their free time together that Jim actually bridges the gap between the theoretical knowledge that Spock is a humanoid alien and truly understanding it.

Bizarre alien peace rituals, drunken debacles, Jim Kirk's pornography, the phrase 'bet your sweet ass' taken way too literally, bar fights, everyone's favorite Orion and super advanced sex toys of the future you wish you had now. A love story.

Back in Scotty's quarters, they raise their glasses to the Starship Enterprise and the Battlestar Galactica, two ships that are as close to their hearts as their own flesh and blood.

Fred was born first. This, he claims, has given him innumerable advantages over his twelve-minutes-younger brother: he is ever so slightly taller, handsomer, smarter, wittier, and generally more popular than poor George. George concedes sadly that this is indeed the case, then transfigures Fred's ears into cauliflowers.

Sometimes, a geeky fanboy has to do what a geeky fanboy has to do.