“The world is not your playground, Stark!” Fury yells at him one time, after he maybe brings down a building or two and Tony just laughs because, seriously, yes it is.

One minute Clint's reaching for his gun to stop Loki stealing the Tesseract, the next he's shooting Fury and taking it. Easy as switching sides.

It starts, as it so often does, as a harmless prank, but it rapidly takes on a life of its own.

A blur of green in amongst the ruin and the arrow is in his hand, the string drawn to his cheek.

He appears the moment Loki summons him, standing at the ready like a good soldier. Loki smiles.

Clint has every intention of taking care of Loki just as Loki took care of him. Karma’s a bitch, and all that.

The hell was that it had still been him the whole time. It hadn't been Stockholm, he'd been trained for that; and it hadn't been some kind of magic that turned you into a zombie. Everything he had, everything he was, he'd given to Loki. He'd been happy to do it. Funny how little free will seemed to matter, when you got down to it.

These are not all lies.

The hammer is his penis.

Or rather, Thor's dick is a hammer, and Clint's ass is the nail.

Most people, when they break up, sort through their record collections, possibly chuck each other’s clothes onto the sidewalk, engage in soul-destroying coffee dates where they try to sort through the emotional debris, and then leave each other the fuck alone.

Clint and Natasha were never very good at acting like normal people, though, which is why they run a cafe together.

Phil Coulson wakes up in a hospital bed. Well, damn.

In which there either is or isn't a cellist.

"He predates S.H.I.E.L.D. Everything we know about him are stories of legends."

Eighteen-year-old Tony Stark is the boy genius who woke Captain America, and now he's stuck with him. That's not a bad thing, but between Steve's wide-eyed wonder at the new world and Tony's little fanboy crush, the awkwardness just keeps happening.

Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, and a lot of memories in the aftermath. Post-movie.

Everybody lies, everybody fronts.

Clint's definition of an acceptable loss is a little different than the team's.

He grew up reading about heroes, and when he was old enough to enlist he showed up to the recruiting office and signed on the dotted line, at least half because he needed to convince himself that there were still people in the world who fit into that category.

He never considered becoming one of them.

She remembers the secrets that have kept her alive all these years.

Nick Fury's secrets have secrets.

His real talent is knowing how to make everyone else keep them.

"I don't lie to Barton."

"He lies to you."

"Not very well. Not as well as you do."

When Thor fell, everything trembled.

Every office has a 'cute guy from Marketing with a great ass' that everyone wants to sleep with. Among the junior agents at SHIELD, that person is Phil Coulson. Clint would find it hilarious, but he just wants people to stop throwing themselves at his boyfriend.

Clint Barton is a) seventeen, b) only slightly addicted to porn and c) infatuated with Phil Coulson.

Natasha met Clint a little more than five years ago, under less than ideal circumstances. She met Phil five years ago, when things had got worse. It hasn’t been all downhill from there, but at least she’s had company. [No movie spoilers]

Clint rejects this reality and replaces it with his own.

Taking care of Tony is a lot of work. Especially when you’ve only got one arm. And your code dates back to the 1980s.

He shoots Clint Barton in the thigh in an alleyway in Alphabet City, too close to District X for comfort. He uses his tie as a tourniquet and helps Barton to his feet and wonders if Barton always talks this much.

Anthony Stark, degenerate genius and impoverished nobleman, finds himself wedded to the painfully proper Steven Rogers. Will their marriage prove intolerable to the both of them, or will they find a happy equilibrium, instead?

They don’t fuck in the Avengers’ Mansion, that’s rule number one of Having A Secret Relationship With Your Ex-Handler.

Darcy Lewis got hired to work as an office monkey for S.H.I.E.L.D. at least partially because of her SCUBA certification. She never quite expected to use it.

[fireandice] (18.35): If, on the other hand, you’re writing, as I suspect you are, for Midgardian fangirls, then get straight to the point. Armour off, shield down, straight to the fighting and fornication.

[hammer_time] (18.37): What’s a “fangirl”?

[fireandice] (18.38): Don’t be disingenuous. If you didn’t want me to know what Livejournal communities you frequent, you should have picked a less obvious username, oh God of Thunder.

If this is what the middle of the night is usually like, Clint is prepared to visit it way more often.

They caught up to him on the outskirts of a small and rainy town in the northwest of what Jane called America.

Darcy has a mom who used to be a showgirl in Vegas and a dad who is a financial advisor in Santa Fe. She also has a Tony.

That's the twenty-first century love song, baby. Glitz and glamour and every one of us is a liar.

It’s a party and Coulson is a wallflower. He’s wallflowering like a motherfucker, like it’s his job and maybe it is, sometimes, when there are Avengers avenging and he’s got to coordinate attacks and retreats but it’s a fucking retirement party and Clint’s going to make sure Coulson enjoys himself.

Steve is adapting well to the new millennium, and he has the dictionary to prove it.

From the kink meme: So apparently Joss Whedon is going with the meet cute, where they first need to squabble and bicker before getting married heroing happily ever after.

It would be awesome if this phase of their relationship led to mutually consenting, up against the wall, struggle for dominance, who's-on-top angry sex.

“Seriously. All that Twenty Ways to Please Your Man stuff? I mean, a) all the actual women of our acquaintance,” he nods at Natasha, “will tell you that’s it’s sexist bullshit, feeding the male hegemony, denying the importance of female pleasure and seriously, get Pepper even halfway drunk and ask her about this because she has a lecture prepared, I swear to God. Anyway b) sex is not that complicated.”

Bucky meets the team and manages to survive the experience, Tony is his usual dysfunctional self, and Steve pouts with deadly force.

Bucky is found by SHIELD. Tony wants a project. They meet somewhere in the middle.

Lestrade has apparently arrested an American billionaire for murder.

In which boys are stupid, strawberries are eaten, and the 21st century is exactly what it was cracked up to be.

During Tony's senior year at MIT, his partying habit finally hit the edge of his parents' patience. When Howard and Maria cut him off from his usual sources of money, he decides to turn to less conventional ones.

Charles and his BFF Tony Stark have the life - they're co-valedictorians at the most prestigious high school in the city, they have their own condo in Manhattan, and they get to go to all the awesome parties. Charles just wished he understood relationships and sex as well as Tony does. His theoretical bisexuality starts to feel a lot less theoretical when he and Tony end up in Professor Lehnsherr's Physics III course at Columbia University, but Charles' decision to take their relationship further leaves both student and professor with more than they bargained for. Features an enthusiastically-consenting!16-year-old!Charles.

At age fifteen, Steve Rogers had been in love with Tony Stark.

By age twenty, he’d (mostly) gotten over it. And then he promptly became Tony Stark's fuck buddy.

And that's how Tony's supervillainy hobby got way way way complicated.

In a world without stars, the Last Centurion loses the Pandorica, loses his charge and loses his mind.

SHIELD takes a chance on hiring a mysterious amnesiac man, and Agent Coulson finds that Rory Williams is the best damn secretary he's ever had.

She has a lot of reasons for not telling people who her father is. The fact that he's a disaster is just one of them.

In determining the meaning of any Act of Congress, or of any ruling, regulation, or interpretation of the various administrative bureaus and agencies of the United States, the word 'marriage' means only a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife, and the word 'spouse' refers only to a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife.

Clint, Coulson, injury, and the appropriate response from field agents regarding orders.

Clint's got a secret love, and it's spelled b-a-n-j-o.

Clint’s hands never shake. He can take down an enemy sniper at one hundred feet in driving rain while bleeding out from a bullet wound in the stomach (that’s not theoretical; he’s tried it) but his hands never shake.

The first time Steve meets Toni is about a week after he wakes up.

In which the Avengers take advantage of some unexpected downtime around Tony's pool and several of Clint's tattoos are discussed. Including the one just over his heart.

Steve knew when he made the rule 'no sex before press conferences' that Tony would try his hardest to break it.

Steve Rogers is a capable leader, a kind and cheerful man, a good friend, a strong role model, and a loyal soldier. He's also teetering on the edge of suicide.

Harvey Specter wasn't the rich renegade badass that plucked Mike from his potential life of crime.

Tony Stark was.

If a top secret file on Phil Coulson and Clint Barton's relationship existed, it would look something like this.

Where it was Nick Fury's idea, but he didn't mean it like that.

“I want you to tie me up,” Steve says finally, voice steady even as he refuses to meet Tony’s eyes.

Steve breaks up with Tony because he's in love with Iron Man. That's when things start to get complicated.

In which Tony takes Steve to a strip club.

From: Steve Rogers <steverogersamerica@gmail.com>
To: Tony Stark <tony.stark@starkindustries.com>
Date: Thu, Oct 14, 2010 at 2:15PM
Subject: RE: Test

HI

Sincerely,

Steve Rogers

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Steve wakes up in the 21st Century. He doesn't think much of it, and it's dubious about him. He meets a Norse God, joins a superhero team, and feels terribly awkward about the whole momument at Arlington he's rendered obsolete by not being dead. Meanwhile, Tony is trying to make his mark on history by being the man who finally drove Nick Fury over the edge.

Good news spreads fast - possibly faster than Tony intended. Pepper's gonna be mad.

Naked might actually have been slightly less distracting. Tony was… almost wearing… a tiny, tight scrap of red fabric that most definitely didn't hide anything.

Note: Written for cap_ironman's Alphabet Challenge. The dissolving-armor-reveals-red-thong scenario is in fact the canonical way that the Avengers discovered Iron Man's identity, because every once in a great while, Marvel actually does love us.

"I’m trying to like you, Tony. You’re just making it very hard."

The swat Steve aims at his ass in retaliation is equally playful, but like a switch tripped Tony's brain flips from light-hearted fun times before they head home to wanting something that'll keep them both working late.

Day 214 on the campaign trail of Steve Rogers for President. Twenty-sixteen's turning out to be a hell of a year.

Tony has ideas about his role after the inauguration.

Fury's a beautiful princess. Clint's plotting a Communist revolution. Rhodey's not sexy. Wall-E's not a documentary. Clint's not gay but he does give a great blowjob. This fic is not an AU.

His best friend keeps cockblocking him, his relationship guru is a computer, and he might be gay. The future is very complicated.

”These are the most dysfunctional people on the planet... They could not be more ill-fitted. What better definition of family?” - Joss Whedon

Charles, a miner from a poor village in the countryside, saves the life of Erik Lehnsherr, scion of a successful business family and the richest man on Eisen. Charles is a telepath and somewhat anxious about it, while Erik abstains from relationships because the lights flicker and doors open and electronics vibrate when he gets too excited.

Also features a long-suffering sister, a foul-mouthed bodyguard, and a best friend with a heart that is definitely not gold.

In which there are princes, spaceships, long journeys, and old secrets uncovered. (An AU sci-fi fairytale)

On the plus side, marriage is bound to be easier than proposing.

The one where all the Avengers act like Darcy is a bro and Clint is really bad at flirting.

"What my darling brother means is that he’d like a threesome."

He’s been given a room back at the tower—large enough for a single bed, a nightstand, a desk, a chest of drawers. Just off it, in what Steve thinks is a bout of sheer extravagance, he has his own private washroom, which has a constant supply of hot water that he doesn’t have to heat for himself. The first time Tony Stark sees it, he sniffs, turns up his nose, loudly asks what the hell Fury was thinking in assigning Captain America a glorified dorm room, he could get much better quarters for him—but Steve refuses to move out. It might not be the kind of Vanderbilt-living that a Stark is used to, but it’s more than Steve’s ever had before, and it’s his.