“You don’t appreciate my natural-born talent,” Arthur said mournfully. “I suppose I will just have to remind you of how spectacular I really am.”

This time, Arthur has a secret.

Morgause teaches Arthur about himself.

It's one week before the wedding and Arthur isn't nervous at all. But that's just the beginning.

In which an argument about Dickens leads to a Twitter scandal, broken bones, midnight conversations, and transatlantic longing.

(Or, an AU with Arthur and Merlin as moderately famous authors.)

Erik befriends the ghost in his house. And then decides to expose his murderer.

A modern day AU that delivers three well-worn tropes (university, strippers, businessmen) for the price of one. Consider this your warning.

>> When Merlin finished his A-levels, financing university by taking his clothes off didn't exactly occur to him. <<

Erik is the extremely talented, extremely scary chef at one of the top restaurants in New York, and Charles, the head waiter, is the only person with the balls to stand up to him. Their fights are the stuff of legend, and their argument over the Valentine's Day menu turns into one for the history books.

Draco owns a café in the city. Harry's a MP who comes in every morning, newspapers in one hand, BlackBerry in the other, and orders a triple espresso macchiato.

Erik Lehnsherr, world renowned wilderness survivalist, alongside his husband, Charles Xavier, survive the perils of the wild in order to bring you, Two Men, One Knife, an award winning reality survival series, available only on the Discovery Channel. Follow Erik and Charles as they travel to the world's most remote locations with only the most basic of supplies. Pitted against nature, this husband-husband team struggle to survive in some of the world's harshest climates while battling the planet's fiercest predators. Can they survive the Canadian North? Find out next season, on Two Men, One Knife.

Sequel to An Ideal Grace, in which Charles and Erik navigate the complexities of their new relationship while battling external forces that seem determined to keep them apart. Fortunately they have one thing on their side: Love.

Erik Lehnsherr is a visiting professor at Columbia University, as well as an acclaimed and award winning poet. Charles Xavier is a lead researcher with the Genetics Department who is well on his way to tenure. But what happens when Charles has to cancel a class because half his students abandon him in favour of a mysterious new English Lit professor? Naturally he ends up sitting in in the class, where Professor Lehnsherr mistakes him for a student. It's really too bad Erik has such a strict policy against dating students. It's also too bad Erik doesn't seem to know how to use Google.

Erik Lehnsherr has been charged with the brutal murder of Sebastian Shaw. His case isn't looking very good until he meets the right lawyer.

"What I'm thinking," Arthur says, dodging the crochet question with a small pinch to Merlin's side, "is that you need to let him catch you the way you caught him. See how he feels watching you shag some other man. Then when he confronts you, call him a hypocrite, tell him you'd never have done it if he hadn't first, and finish it off with a well-deserved fuck-you."

An alternate universe (they're all not mutants, just human) where Charles is a social worker who fosters troubled kids, and one day he meets Erik, an ex-druggie/ex-convict (or whatever else, I leave it to anon to figure out which demons are chasing him) who reluctantly agrees to stay for only a while, but ends up staying for good and helping Charles to raise the kids. Awkward parenting ensues.

Erik is an A-list action star who is notoriously difficult to work with, until the day he gets cast alongside Charles Xavier, rom-com darling who can charm the pants off movie audiences the world over and apparently even one Erik Lehnsherr. The paparazzi catch them out and about soon enough, and their real-life Hollywood movie romance becomes instant tabloid fodder.

"Wow." Alex sat back in his seat, a little dazed. "So do you think your dad is...like..."

"...your dad's ex boyfriend?" Lorna finished with a wince.

Charles is basically the bride whisperer. It’s like he can read their minds.

In which Merlin is the most harangued PA in Westminister, Arthur is on the back of the backbench, Uther harasses Merlin (though the Queen never does), Morgana is very clever, and the datebook will take its revenge.

Arthur, Merlin, frat brothers, the Dragon, Arthur's BlackBerry, script writing, shitty hip-hop music, Dogma, FATE & DESTINY - oh God I wish I were joking.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a young son must be in want of a nanny.

The next year in the Pendragon household, in which Merlin is no longer a nanny, Arthur is still a prat but a loveable one, Gaius saves the day and Uther does nothing.

Their first attempt at having sex lasts exactly ninety seconds, which is the precise amount of time needed for Merlin to reach behind Arthur's back to try to unhook his nonexistent bra, and for Arthur to smooth his hands over Merlin's chest to palm his nonexistent breasts. The moment of utter confusion is followed immediately by a supremely awkward silence.

"After all, you are our most prized art restorer."

"Yeah! Him! Yeah, the kid, with the--" That same vague wave. "--magic...shit. Anyway, dude! So there're these people, right, on the internet, and they like--write shit. I mean, as in." He leans forward a bit, lowers his voice, "Erotic shit." A dramatic pause. "About the kid."

"I can’t tattoo you when you’re drunk. Or intoxicated. I like my job too much. If you really want one, come back when you sober up."

One time they get re-born as brothers.

They kissed like it was no surprise; like it had been leading up to this all along, like taking one step forward and two steps back was an intricate dance and not the end of their relationship, like they were always going to end up with their hands clasped when the music stopped.

"What the hell?" Arthur shouts over the noise of ABBA. He glares at the horribly gaudy clothing of the men on the stage that is somehow louder than the music and flashier than the multicolored swirling lights. "This isn't a strip club. This is a gay bar!"

This has been the worst day of Arthur’s life. Arthur shoves Merlin into the lockers as hard as he can, relishes the thud of Merlin’s body against metal and the whoosh of his lost breath. "You little fucking shit," he says.

Merlin thinks his asthma should be downplayed somewhat, it's perfectly controlled (he has set alarms each morning and night to remind him to take his preventer inhaler) and it doesn't stop him doing normal, everyday things (if he's not too energetic or around irritants in the air). After years of his mother coddling him and being over protective about it, Merlin can't help but feel a little freer, fewer pity eyes looking at him when he's being held behind in the playground when the pollen levels are high. Whatever, Merlin thinks, he'll like to be rebellious just this once.

"No! Arthur. You're straight, all right? You're completely and entirely straight. Because if you're anything else, if you're gay or bi or even curious or what the fuck ever, Arthur, you will ruin my entire fucking life."

Merlin has always felt like the fifth wheel. Theoretically he should be the fourth one, indispensable to the balance of the whole, but somehow the other three wheels have taken up all the weight and left the fourth wheel to wobble along, useless. It's not a good feeling; Merlin can tell you that. So he nods goodbye to Morgana, claps Arthur on the back, hugs Gwen tightly, and leaves.

They’re somewhere over Greenland and the dark cabin is finally, blessedly quiet – God, Merlin thought the woman in 32A was never going to stop pressing her fucking call button – when the lavatory door opens suddenly in front of him and he’s yanked inside.

Arthur, a travelling businessman, decides to rent a room with the Wyllt family while in town. Hunith is charmed. Her son, Merlin, is not.

Getting married wasn't supposed to change anything.

Modern day AU. No powers. Charles is a professor, and Erik is a bare-knuckle boxer.

In which Merlin is promoted from production intern to talent, is easily mortified, and has Post-It arguments with Arthur while the art department watches in glee. Also, there are gay dragons.

Arthur had had it all figured out. And then Merlin shot him in Beijing.

In which the boys pretend to still be together for Christmas (and there is more than one kind of charade).

Arthur thinks the space-time continuum is messing with him, but perhaps it's actually making things the way they're meant to be.

Merlin regrets ever becoming a conman. Not because he lived his life on the run; not because he broke thousands of laws along the way; not even because he was eventually caught and imprisoned for three years.

"I actually don't even know your name," Merlin replied.

They stared at each other solemnly for a second, and burst out laughing. Arthur couldn't stop, and kept thinking of all the silly angst and stupidity he had gone through during the past week, and all that time Merlin hadn't even known his name. He laughed and laughed and every time Merlin looked at him they started afresh.

"Oh shit, I'm so glad you're not offended, I was going to be so sneaky and try to figure it out some other way, but it kept not happening and then it was too late for me to ask," Merlin said, wiping his eyes. "I was going to steal your wallet--"

Wherein Arthur And Merlin Are Dating, Save For the Part Where They Aren't. Also There Needs To Be A Girl Version Of "Bromance" But That’s a Discussion For Another Time.

Wherein the peanut gallery and I were sitting around during my work hours talking about terrible romantic comedies, and I said, lol, wouldn't it be funny if someone wrote Dean/Castiel to The Wedding Date? and there was a prophetic silence and then some stuff happened and I got all turned around and somehow this had happened.

It was love at first sight, and Merlin knew it - when it came to the flat, that was. Merlin wasn't anything like as clear about the man he was going to have to live with.

Sure, and what will Uther say when we miss the plane? 'No matter, boys, there's always the next flight, huh?' You'd manage to make it sound like it was entirely my fault, too.