The hammer is his penis.

Or rather, Thor's dick is a hammer, and Clint's ass is the nail.

Replay is the story of how after Magneto of an X2-ish future succeeds in the unthinkable, Charles sends his consciousness back to 1962 to guide Erik away from the path that will lead to the genocide of the human race forty years hence. Charles knows Erik has always loved him, and intends to accomplish his goal through a totally bulletproof plan involving lots of sex. But there's something Charles doesn't know, and he's in over his head from the start....

Erik's side of the story is a little different.

[fireandice] (18.35): If, on the other hand, you’re writing, as I suspect you are, for Midgardian fangirls, then get straight to the point. Armour off, shield down, straight to the fighting and fornication.

[hammer_time] (18.37): What’s a “fangirl”?

[fireandice] (18.38): Don’t be disingenuous. If you didn’t want me to know what Livejournal communities you frequent, you should have picked a less obvious username, oh God of Thunder.

@dr_dr_mckay is stuck in a jumper at the bottom of the ocean & needs your help! Please RT!!

This is a fucking commie story. You think it’s all about the importance of trying new shit, but that’s not what it’s about at all. It’s about harassing innocent children into becoming fucking commies. Don’t read your kids this shit. It will turn them into America hating commies.

Brad is hiding under the Humvee again.

"Didn't we all read this one in the 70s? It's earthy and all the cartoon people are fat." Coda fic for How Not to Fly, set not long after the end of that story.

Mike and Harvey wake up in Vegas. It's pretty much all downhill from there.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a text in possession of more than a passing reference to a certain literary work that shall not be named, must begin with the phrase 'It is a truth universally acknowledged'.

Erik is the extremely talented, extremely scary chef at one of the top restaurants in New York, and Charles, the head waiter, is the only person with the balls to stand up to him. Their fights are the stuff of legend, and their argument over the Valentine's Day menu turns into one for the history books.

Harvey sometimes moonlights as a Star Trek BNF. Mike might have an attitude problem on the internet. TiberiusGhost is strangely compelling, for a recluse who never goes to meetups, and Harvey's finding this kid Photohead vaguely familiar.

Arthur likes to invent things. And grow mustaches. He's a man of many facets.

This is not exactly what Jim thought the 'exploring strange new worlds and exotic civilizations' was about. Also, Vulcans are kind of crazy. Jim and Spock go through a alien ritual, which, yes, changes everything -- he's hoping for the better. Spock just wants to get through this with his sanity, if not his dignity, mostly intact.

Thinking that a reporter genuinely likes you is pretty much on par with feeling like you really are special to that stripper.

To start with yes, he had filled several little leather-bound diaries with childish scrawls of red ink that read things like, “Die Thor” and “You never really accepted me!” And then he'd attended a few sessions of primal scream therapy and taken a modern dance course at the local community college. Between finding a constructive way to express his anger and making some lovely friends that he still had tea with every Wednesday afternoon while they chatted manicures, fashion, and lap dogs, he felt much more comfortable in his own skin these days. All it had really taken was escaping the poisonously macho atmosphere of Asgard, which according to Kevin was something like living in Omaha and not being interested in Football.

Tony is the only one who can defend Steve's virtue. Tony hates his life.

In which Prince Arthur meets Merlin and all hell breaks lose.

"Merlin," it read in a very familiar and stern manner. "Stop defacing this book."

Repeat after me, Mr. Black: I do believe in commas. I do, I do.

Arthur, Merlin, frat brothers, the Dragon, Arthur's BlackBerry, script writing, shitty hip-hop music, Dogma, FATE & DESTINY - oh God I wish I were joking.

When Merlin woke the next morning, he spent a good ten minutes staring at the canopy, trying to convince himself he didn't remember where he was and didn't remember exactly what he was doing there and how many times he had done it.

justice is hot: hi
justice is hot: a/s/l?
Yagami Raito: Oh, but I'd much like you know your name, first.
Yagami Raito: Maybe you can send a picture of yourself, as well?
justice is hot: initial reaction to strangers similar to that of kira's... 80%, now

"O HAI," the cat said.

The plan is this: Raito, under the guise of following Watari's not-so-subtle suggestions, will attempt to inflict a little holiday cheer into L through his only notable weakness -- his sweet tooth.

"Winky saw Professor Snape killing Harry Potter and then - hic! - bringing him back to life!"

"I realise this may come as a shock to you, but our investigations have been going on for some time, and we’re quite sure. Your mother Lily Evans was not, as we had all previously believed, of pure Muggle stock. One of her ancestors was a Veela."

"Oh my God, this shit has developed a narrative thread," Chris marvels.

In which Kirk gets beaten like a rented mule behind a bar, sulks about it for a significant period of time, is forced to endure Spock in eyeliner, and points that no one is ever going to buy what Spock's selling -- unless they train him up a bit.

"Please don't go by C. Pine. I will end you. See also: C., Whitelaw, or Chrissy. Princess Whitelaw's good. Nothing Pine-related either."

Almost immediately, a text in return: "Have you noticed how many times you threaten to kill me per day?" Followed by: "You're the Dread Pirate Roberts to my Westley, aren't you?"

"Dude," Zach replies, shaking his head, "Isn't that masturbatory at some point? DON'T WRITE ABOUT IT IN YOUR PAPER."

"Dean, who is Captain Kirk and why does he want to experience sexual intimacy with a natural landscape?"

"Gabriel, did you freaking- is that the One Ring?"

"You." said the Dalek, "Are. A. Very. Small. Human."

"You," said Amelia, "are a very large pepperpot."

Jim, I swear to fucking GOD. Is this shit you? IS THIS YOU? What the fuck are you planning? No, don't tell me. I can't bear to hear it. The universe record holder for largest confirmed orgy is something in the neighborhood of 300+ sentients, and that was in a planet that engages in psychic sex -- THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN BEAT THAT, ALL RIGHT?