This fic contains: explicit sexual situations, rampant infidelity, emotional fuckery, unhealthy romantic relationships, and the potential abuse of all forms of basic punctuation. Don't say you weren't warned.

Hello, future victims of Chuck Bartowski! Do not be afraid, I brought you beer to help you deal with your inevitable shame.

"You turned your girlfriend into a slash fan!" Howard hissed. "It's bad enough that your mother thinks I'm gay, now Penny is going to be giving me the 'thumbs up on your alternative lifestyle' every time I go near Raj!"

She swallows so loud she can hear it. Her throat burns. “It’s you.”

"'Homemade' is not a subspecies of pie. 'Homemade' is not a part of pie taxonomy."   "It's cherry," Penny bites out. "Eat. A. Friggin.' Piece."