Ha.

The Onion is prophetic.

lmao

oldie but good

Other prayers that were answered include Christopher Reeve's 1996 wish to walk again

lmao

There is simply no way evolution alone could be responsible for the giant leap between archosaurs and other, different archosaurs with better developed hip joints and slightly differently shaped teeth.

"So I know alot [sic] of you couldn't check out your profiles and I just want to say sorry for all the lameness on our end," Anderson wrote. "Rock on. :)"

Jordan's return to his wife, with whom he had an illustrious 17-year marriage where he helped achieve three consecutive children, has the entire world wondering if Jordan will be able to gain the respect needed to lead his family back to the level of love

Starting at the end of the 2005-2006 NBA season, Bryant will practice tip-offs, work on fundamental self-inbound passes, learn how to play defense, and draw up several play formations, each of which he will be responsible for calling during the games.

Look, I get it—I'm short, white, and Canadian. Ha ha, real fuckin' funny. You sick bastards. Did Amare Stoudemire put you up to this?"

"Weren't Sun Chips healthy enough for you, you goddamn hippie bastards?" Carey added.