'When you make behaviors a disease, individuals lose and systems win, this is always true, they benefit in still being able to call something "shameful" without needing to take any responsibility for its creation. The point here is not to be anti-religion, nor to claim that people who feel shame (not guilt) and disgust after their sexual experiences are not suffering. The point is to reveal that any individual's suffering is secretly nurtured to maintain the integrity of the larger system. You're expendable. Eat it. The point of treatments of "shameful" behaviors isn't to help you (though it might), but to give the system the right to decide what's pathology and what isn't. "It's based on internal suffering." No. No it isn't. When they screen you for alcoholism they ask you about guilt, when they screen you for sex addiction they ask about shame. Do you know why? Because it's not based on internal suffering.'

'The narcissist ultimately starves for love because he or she can never get enough in the present to compensate for the past. -- Pathological narcissism is related to narcissistic rage: a furious, reflexive, unrelenting need to repay any perceived slight or insult. Neurotic narcissism starts out as normal narcissism, a healthy, natural childhood need for attention and appreciation which, when continually frustrated, becomes fixated and pathological. Neurotic narcissism stems from inadequate, insufficient or traumatic parenting and resulting narcissistic injury, especially prior to five years of age, during what Freud called the pre-Oedipal period. Children at this tender age find any serious lack of attunement and attention – or certainly, any outright abuse, neglect or emotional, if not physical, abandonment – an insult, a psychological injury, a traumatic psychic wound which distorts perceptions of both themselves, the world, and their relationship to it. When children experience parents or caretakers as unloving, rejecting or hostile, they respond to this narcissistic wounding by creating a shell-like false self – which replaces, protects and conceals the unaccepted, unloved and damaged true self – presenting instead a persona (Jung) based on what they perceive the parents and world want them to be. A great deal of what pathological narcissism in adults disguises is unresolved infantile anger, resentment and rage about not being recognized, accepted, and loved for who we are. This anger – along with feelings of being unlovable and unworthy of love – is buried beneath the false self. It is repressed, but not forgotten, nor forgiven. Narcissistic rage from the past tends to be re-stimulated by intimate relationships in the present. In romantic relationships, feelings are inevitably re-injured, and the childhood anger suddenly resurfaces – with a vengeance.'

'For over ten years Gabor Mate has been the staff physician at the Portland Hotel, a residence and harm reduction facility in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside. His patients are challenged by life-threatening drug addictions, mental illness, Hepatitis C or HIV, and in many cases all four. But if Dr. Mate's patients are at the end of the spectrum, there are many others among us who are also struggling with addictions. drugs, alcohol, tobacco, gambling, compulsive work habits, sexual seeking or spending: what is amiss with our lives that we seek such destructive ways to comfort ourselves? And why is it so difficult to stop these habits, even as they threaten our health, jeopardize our relationships and corrode our spirits?'

'How does addiction change the brain? According to Dr. Gabor Mate, it's a difficult struggle for hard core drug addicts to kick their habit because their brains are impaired. In a new book, he looks at the common roots of addictive behaviours and what can be done about them. It's called "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction".' -- "Drugs are not addictive to a person not predisposed to become addicted. Predisposition is set according to early stress. ...most substance abusers were themselves abused as children. Early experiences powerfully shape the brain, plus they create the lifelong emotional pain that the drug then comes along to soothe. The trauma is passed on from one generation to the next because the parenting styles are inherited – not genetically – but biologically, and behaviorally, and psychologically, from one generation to the next. If we want people to make the choice to give up their addiction, we first of all have to de-stress them. When people's cortisol levels are high they're much more likely to use the drug to try to soothe their stresses. We're talking about people who were emotionally traumatized and have a deep sense of shame about their very existence."

'It became evident that traumatic life experiences during childhood and adolescence were far more common in an obese population than was comfortably recognized. We slowly discovered that major weight loss is often sexually or physically threatening and that obesity, whatever its health risks, is protective emotionally. Ultimately, we saw that certain of our more intractable public health problems such as obesity are often also unconsciously attempted solutions to problems dating back to the earliest years but hidden by time, by shame, by secrecy, and by social taboos against exploring certain areas of life experience. -- Putting it plainly in regard to obesity, we have seen that obesity is not the core problem. Obesity is the marker for the problem and sometimes is a solution. This is a profoundly important realization because none of us expects to cure a problem by treating its symptom. -- The general principles underlying the unconscious, compulsive use of food as a psychoactive agent are common to any of the addictions. Whether we are talking about the next mouthful, the next drink, the next cigarette, the next sexual partner, or the next dose of whatever psychoactive chemical we might buy on the street, the concept is equally applicable: It’s hard to get enough of something that almost works.'

'..the Persecutor and Rescuer are on the upper end of the triangle. These roles assume a “one-up” position over others, meaning they relate as though they are better, stronger, smarter, or more-together than the victim. Sooner or later the victim, who is in the one-down position at the bottom of the triangle, develops a metaphorical "crick in the neck" from always looking up. Feeling “looked down upon” or “worth- less than” the others, the Victim builds resentment and sooner or later, retaliation follows. A natural progression from victim to persecutor follows. This generally moves the persecutor or rescuer into victim. Reminiscent of a not-so-musical game of musical chairs, all players sooner or later rotate positions. Our starting-gate position on the victim triangle is not only where we most often enter the triangle, it is also the role through which we actually define ourselves. It becomes a strong part of our identity. Each starting-gate position has its own particular way of seeing and reacting to the world. We all have unconscious core beliefs acquired in childhood, derived from our interpretation of early family encounters. These become “life themes” that predispose us towards the unconscious selection of a particular starting gate position on the triangle.' -- http://youtu.be/tN3sD6Vr3PE

'You suddenly apprehend me while I am peeping through a keyhole, or having just done something vulgar, and in a decidedly embodied consciousness, I live shamefully and through blushing my recognition that I am as I appear before you. In shame "I recognize that I am as the Other sees me [Sartre, 1956]." The other's look is threatening to me because he or she can see what I am now doing and how I am responsible for what I am. If I want to take away his or her capacity for this, I will try to stare down the other, I reduce the other to a role, take away his or her capacity to objectify me. On the other hand, I, may want to preserve the other's freedom enough to win through him or her recognition of what I supposedly am. I am utterly dependent upon the other, for I am nothing unless another consciousness recognizes me as such. As I "can not be an object for an object." I must preserve the other consciousness, and yet I just as much want to destroy it for threatening me with judgment.'

'...I would still have the human decency NOT to try and publicly mitigate that guilt by conversion to shame because I know that if I succeed then it becomes okay for someone else. How I deal with guilt has an effect on how someone else will. -- What infuriates you is the idea that anyone or anything has control over us. You don't like to be told they aren't allowed to do something. "As long as it doesn't hurt anybody, I should be allowed..." You want complete freedom – which you will use to conform to very ordinary standards of living that you impose on yourself. ...the very thing that allows you to exist in a world of complete freedom are those internal controls and not the social controls – laws and shames – that you think bind you. Shame will never be enough – when your identity is "strong" enough nothing shames you... The laws will never be stronger than you. -- I am not trying to stop progress or technology, I'm telling you to be careful with your lives.'

'...mythological Ariadne didn't construct the Minotaur's labyrinth—Daedalus constructed it for her—she merely showed Theseus how to get out of it. But she didn't need to: a classical labyrinth doesn't have multiple dead ends; it is a single winding path that leads either in or out. Cobb's not trapped in a maze, he's trapped in a paradoxical staircase, covering the same ground over and over. He doesn't need Ariadne to lead him out; he needs her to clue him into another perspective. -- ...what's dream and what's not is irrelevant to Cobb. If it matters to you, that's your own baggage. What's keeping you on the staircase is the fear that getting off the staircase means you'll never see her again. The top isn't the totem, and the wedding ring isn't his totem. The totem is his guilt – "this is my fault." It is his origin. It is his inception. He incepted himself. -- What matters isn't whether the top stopped spinning; what matters is that Cobb didn't bother to find out.'

Gisted -- Guilt is what results from breaking moral rules which you understand and accept as universally valid. Shame is what results from the fear of breaking 'moral' rules which you do not understand and so cannot accept as valid. Guilt is good because it helps you understand the contradictions between your behaviour and your values. Shame is bad because it is submission to arbitrary, contradictory and irrational 'moral' values which are brutally inflicted. Shame is shameful because it is cowardly and humiliating. -- Shame is so deeply woven into our culture because we lie to children – because we were lied to as children. The lies are so obvious that everyone is ashamed to have acquiesced to them.

'There's a simple reason why the stripping pics are "worse" than the lingerie pics: she was told to pose in lingerie; she chose to strip on her own. ...as long as sex/iness comes with a price tag, we're ok with it. Controlled, manufactured, artificial -- safe. But if she's caught stripping for fun, then... what does that say about me? The feminist argument is it sets a standard for women that they are forced to at least wonder about. "How can I compete?" But it's worse for men. Playboy is fine. Girls Gone Wild drives us bananas. "They do it... for nothing? They're willing to get naked on camera for nothing... yet every time I try to be nice and buy one of them a drink, they won't even look at me... I don't get it, I don't get it..." Wanton displays of sexuality leave no room for rationalizations. America tends to be deferential to prostitutes and porn stars, because it understands them. It's powerless against sluts. Which is why we call them sluts in the first place.'

'Many Japanese, who cling to the popular myth that their nation is uniformly middle class, were further shocked to see that Japan’s poverty rate, at 15.7 percent, was close to the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development’s figure of 17.1 percent in the United States, whose glaring social inequalities have long been viewed with scorn and pity here. But perhaps just as surprising was the government’s admission that it had been keeping poverty statistics secretly since 1998 while denying there was a problem, despite occasional anecdotal evidence to the contrary. Few impoverished Japanese seem willing to admit their plight for fear of being stigmatized. “Poverty in a prosperous society usually does not mean living in rags on a dirt floor,” said Masami Iwata, a social welfare professor at Japan Women’s University in Tokyo. “These are people with cellphones and cars, but they are cut off from the rest of society.”'

Shame in nurturing games within social environments eg. Farmville: "If you know your friends are visiting your farm everyday you'll spend more time and money to keep it tidy." -- Thoughts/gists: Gameification is inevitable in an attention economy. Once offered, people like maximising reward/loyalty points. New real-time tracking/feedback technology will enable more compelling collecting/optimising/completion experiences. Companies are going to be trying to figure out ways to give you points for doing things. They want to own data you care about. "As a game designer you better figure out what side you're on: 4 groups: #persuaders: motivated by money, #fulfillers: create deep experiences, #artists: advance the medium, #humanitarians: motivate 'better' behaviours"

'Fowler and Christakis suggest that people tend to mimic the actions of those they played with. They could be directly imitating the actions of other players, or they could be looking out for cues that tell them the 'right' or 'normal' way of behaving. Whether it's specific actions or social norms that are spreading, the result is the same - a ripple effect that causes groups of people to act in similar ways. In this way, small changes could spread throughout an entire group. Fowler and Christakis claim that "social contagion... may play an important role in the evolution of cooperation" since these ripples of behaviour would encourage members of a community to behave similarly to each other, a scenario that fosters cooperation. -- ...they repeatedly acknowledge that both cooperative acts and selfish ones can spread throughout a group.'

'For victims of the abuse syndrome, the truth of their passive submission to humiliating oppression is more than embarrassing; it can feel shameful—and there is nothing more painful than shame. When one already feels beaten down and demoralized, the likely response to the pain of shame is not constructive action, but more attempts to shut down or divert oneself from this pain. It is not likely that the truth of one's humiliating oppression is going to energize one to constructive actions. -- When people get caught up in humiliating abuse syndromes, more truths about their oppressive humiliations don't set them free. What sets them free is morale. What gives people morale? Encouragement. Small victories. Models of courageous behaviors. And anything that helps them break out of the vicious cycle of pain, shut down, immobilization, shame over immobilization, more pain, and more shut down.' -- Morale. Start here: Starve The Beast: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUoPFxcbRzE (07:04)

'Today, the calls for cutting back are not linked to any positive human objective; they are simply about making a virtue out of necessity. It’s not about developing the human, but punishing the human in the name of some nonsense external force: usually Gaia. Today’s debate about the recession speaks to a view of people as unrestrained, destructive, and morally incapable; as toxic creatures with no inner moral life that needs to be developed or satisfied. The idea that everyone is now complicit in decadently bringing down society, and the idea that we should lower our living standards without any promise of transcendence, springs from today’s very degraded view of people. It springs from a view of people as simply consumers, exploiters, the users of resources, the destroyers of things, rather than as creators, producers, the makers of things and of history.' -- How very convenient.

'In the entire history of man, no one has ever been brainwashed and realized, or believed, that he had been brainwashed. Those who have been brainwashed will usually passionately defend their manipulators, claiming they have simply been "shown the light". The sad truth is that a high percentage of people want to give away their power—they are true "believers". They look for answers, meaning, and enlightenment outside themselves. True believers are not intent on bolstering and advancing a cherished self, but are those craving to be rid of unwanted self. They are followers, not because of a desire for self-advancement, but because it can satisfy their passion for self-renunciation! They are eternally incomplete and eternally insecure. Never underestimate the potential danger of these people. They can easily be molded into fanatics who will gladly work and die for their holy cause. It is a substitute for their lost faith in themselves and offers them a substitute for individual hope.'

On 'users’ criticism of a popular style of profile picture referred to as “MySpace Angles.” Reactions to this style of portraiture label the display of these photographs “deceptive,” alleging that MySpace Angles fool users into believing that the subject is more attractive than they actually are. ...the MySpace Angle commentary, revealing three main themes in users’ critique of MySpace Angles: 1) users who post these photographs are conforming to a social trend at the expense of their individuality; 2) the presentation of these photographs is narcissistic; and, 3) these photographs purposefully conceal the body. This case study displays a shift in the conception of deception online; on the social Web populated by SNSs, theories of deception and authenticity are called into question as users are increasingly anchored to their bodies and expected to effortlessly present an online self mirroring the offline self.' -- False advertising. Caveat emptor.

'Poor Joe Dinkin was put in charge of the seating arrangement -- the minute he stepped off the bus, the reporters nearly tore him limb from limb. He dragged himself away from the bus door and down the street; the reporters clung to him like lions pulling down a struggling wildebeest. Joe tried to impose order as the reporters yelled out their organizations and why they had to be on the bus -- New York Times, CNN, New York Post, NBC. Poor Joe... He quickly lost control, as the reporters turned back to the bus and tried storming it again. Chaos ensued, and eventually the organizers realized that it was between the protesters being on the bus, or the media being on the bus. So one by one, they started pulling protesters off the bus to make room for the media. Eventually we—media types—all got our seats. As we pulled out, one of the reporters shouted, “Where are the protesters on this bus?” The bus erupted in cynical snickering.' -- On power and those who dared to take it.

'The BBC reports on a cyber cafe outside Tokyo that has a dark room divided into tiny cubicles where 60 people "who rarely emerge" live. These folks are called cyber drifters and "they have just enough money to stay off the streets." It costs $500 a month to live in one of these "coffin-size booths," which have no natural light or fresh air. "In Tokyo it doesn't get any cheaper than that, or more claustrophobic." The owner of the cyber cafe is making a tidy sum off the rent: 60 X $500 = $30,000' -- 'His only window on the world is his computer screen.' -- Video inside

"The narcissist is described as turning inward for gratification rather than depending on others and as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power and prestige. Narcissistic personality disorder is closely linked to self-centeredness. Though individuals with NPD are often ambitious and capable, the inability to tolerate setbacks, disagreements or criticism, along with lack of empathy, make it difficult for such individuals to work cooperatively with others or to maintain long-term professional achievements. With narcissistic personality disorder, the person's perceived fantastic grandiosity, often coupled with a hypomanic mood, is typically not commensurate with his or her real accomplishments. The exploitative, sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, disregard for others, and constant need for attention inherent in NPD adversely affect interpersonal relationships. -- #2 is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance... #7 lacks empathy"

'Studies show the brain is wired to get a quick high from reading things that agree with our point of view. The same studies proved that, strangely, we also get a rush from intentionally dismissing information that disagrees, no matter how well supported it is. Yes, our brain rewards us for being closed-minded dicks. So with a little prodding, the followers will happily close themselves in the same echo chamber of talk radio, blogs and cable news outlets that give them that little "They agree with ME!" high.' -- Oh dear.

"The site, as described by BusinessWeek, appears to operate as a defacto blackmail racket: Your "friends" submit "hilarious" pictures of you, often filched from Facebook. If you are in a picture and want it removed, you have to become a member of the site, which costs $20 per month or $50 per year. Best part: Your "friend" earns a kickback of $10 or $20 if his picture causes you to pay the membership fee. Better to accept the inevitable: Celebrity has been so devalued and democratized that we all have to learn to play the PR games of famous people. That means flooding the market with flattering pictures and blog posts (the equivalent of magazine puff pieces); bullying hostile bloggers and scandal websites (as celebrity flacks do with tabloids and other disfavored publications); and paying the occasional bribe, in the form of anything from flirting to a free lunch to cold, hard cash..." -- Real sick.

"That's where my guilt comes in. Because of time constraints and just plain reticence, I worry that I'm snatching morsels from the information food bank without making any donations. Instead of healthy, reciprocal participation, I'm flirting with parasitic voyeurism. So, driven by guilt, I try to pitch in. I post Facebook status reports, send iPhone snapshots to Flickr, link my Netflix queue with FriendFeed. But as my participation increases, I invariably suffer another psychic downside of social networking: remorse. The latest source of my dilemma is Twitter ... feel guilty when not serving this hungry crowd—remorseful when I am. Since I don't know many in this mob, I try not to be personally revealing. Still, no matter how innocuous your individual tweets, the aggregate ends up being the foundation of a scary-deep self-portrait. It's like a psychographic version of strip poker—I'm disrobing, 140 characters at a time."

"Though he never names it, what Levy is really talking about here is shame. And the shame comes from something deeper than just self-exposure, though that's certainly part of it. There's an arrogance to sharing the details of one's life in public with strangers - it's the arrogance of power, the assumption that such details somehow deserve to be broadly aired. And as for the people, those strangers, on the receiving end of the disclosures, they suffer, through their desire to hear the details, to hungrily listen in, a kind of debasement. At the risk of going too far, I'd argue that there's a certain sadomasochistic quality to the exchange (it's a variation on the exchange that takes place between celebrity and fan). And I'm pretty sure that Levy's remorse comes from his realization, conscious or not, that he is, in a very subtle but nonetheless real way, displaying an undeserved and unappetizing arrogance while also contributing to the debasement of others." -- ;^)

"What has struck me is that so [much] of what is being said is in the nature of support rather than information, perhaps because people don't know what information will be useful," says Turkle, who founded the MIT Initiative on Technology and Self. "More dire news? Job losses? This is out there, but there is a parallel track on which people are just trying to help each other out."

Wear your jumpers! "Spy-in-the-sky cameras are being used to identify householders who are wasting the most energy and to shame them into turning the central heating down."