Pinboard: bookmarks for adamcrowe tagged 'lulz'

RSS

adamcrowe + lulz 452

« earlier

[close]

select: none ‧ this page ‧ all pages no items selected

mark as read ‧ unread ‧ private ‧ public ‧ add stars ‧ remove stars ‧ delete

tag: add or remove tag

THIS IS BOILERPLATE confirm ‧ cancel

YouTube -- BoomBustBlog: Reggie Middleton warned of Facebook's Overvaluation weeks before the IPO on Capital Account!

Demetri Kofinas: "That's why we have evolution."

facebook pumpanddump lulz
2 days ago by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- Financial "Crisis" in Greece

"Never trust a Greek who's broke, he has money hidden in the basement hidden in the mattresses – all drachmas!"

greece euro lulz
12 days ago by adamcrowe

copy to mine

Throw Everything You Know About Ads Out The Window (pics inside)

'Results? 0.049% CTR vs. 0.137% CTR in favor of the shit ad in Microsoft Paint. I also tested speed lines vs. no speed lines behind the car and speed lines won LOL.' -- Expectancy violation

advertising expectancy lulz
7 weeks ago by adamcrowe

copy to mine

Rules of The Internet

'100. Faggotry will not be tolerated.'

internet immunesystem lulz from delicious
may 2011 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- OSAMA DEAD?...NIGGA PLEAZE!!!!!

"Y'all can't take pictures of a nigga that's already dead? You scared he gonna come back and haunt you or some shit?"

terrorism! spectacle lulz from delicious
may 2011 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

Encyclopedia Dramatica -- OhInternet

'OhShiternet is a depraved complete piece of shit constructed Last Thursday where lulz is barren. It is a ripoff of Know Your Meme and, yes, is incredibly gay. It is generally advised that you avoid it like the plague. Abandon all hope all ye who enter here. And by "exciting," they mean "to anyone that's new to the Internet" Shat out by manwhale Girlvinyl as a replacement for the original Encyclopedia Dramatica, OhInternet is a website that is built upon the age-tested marketing tactic of driving off your userbase, cutting content by 80%, limiting what your remaining users can do, and then using the shittiest style available to present the data. Oh Internet is massive lulz blasphemy and will be haxxored within a matter of days by the plethora of angry anon created by its mass faggotry. OhInterbutthole destroyed the wonderfully offensive and shit-tacular Encyclopedia Dramatica. This caused much bawwwing and butthurt from ED fags everywhere.'

trollsremorse respawn lulz from delicious
april 2011 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

AnonNews.org -- Anonymous Lexicon Manifest

'#Erudite vs. lulz: Being erudite on the internet and actually arguing is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded. Wait, why's that? Well, the Interwebs basically allow us to constantly invoke the Pyrrhonian argument of dispute. This is because a shitload of knowledge is just a few mouseclicks away nowadays. Especially if we take the following rules: #11. All your carefully picked arguments can easily be ignored; #12. Anything you say can and will be used against you; #13. Anything you say can be turned into something else... Like Nietzsche, Anonymous realizes (or used to realize, when it still had a green face) that when you pinpoint the place in an argument that makes us laugh uncontrollably you've pinpointed a place in the argument that is very, very flawed. You've shown that the argument is ridiculous (“laughable”). The best part about all of this is that humour is a lot more universally accessible than ... a reasonable argument is.'

internet cognitivesurplus discourse collectiveconsciousness morality anonymous moralfag lulz skepticism trickster satire from delicious
february 2011 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

AnonLeaks

Dox

internet leaky anonymous anonleaks lulz from delicious
february 2011 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Anarchy Symbol Updated To Appeal To Today's Teens
TheOnion anarchism apps vernacular lulz from delicious
february 2011 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- RussiaToday: EXCLUSIVE: FBI After Anonymous

Anon: "They kinda think that all our base are belong to them and they're very wrong."

internet anonymous lulz from delicious
january 2011 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

Encyclopedia Dramatica -- Zeitgeist Movement

'Zeitards aim to replace monies with a new world, assuming people are able to stop being crack cunts and Bieber fags, which is referred to as a Resource Based Economy, which is a hippy notion that everyone on the world can be happy and healthy. They say that money is now irrelevant as it was originally put in place as a replacement of trade and barter because there wasn't enough shit to go round, but now we have machines to make as many chocolate bars and fleshlights as the world needs, everyone can have enough shit. -- #Critical Questions for the Zeitgeist fanbase (You will probably get some long winded explanation that in no way answers any of these questions, something like "in a resource based economy there would be no need for..." or "Things like this are a product of a money driven society...") Ask these questions again and again until you get a clear answer: Why does the Venus project ask for money instead of asking for resources to build their super cities?'

marxism technocracy technoutopianism cults lulz from delicious
january 2011 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

Figures of Speech -- The Most Sublime Speech This Year

'The ancients came up with the notion of the sublime—speech so over the top that audiences undergo an out-of-body experience. This candidate for county treasurer achieves total sublimity.' -- And I have a masters degree in communication, God damnit!

rhetoric speech lulz from delicious
january 2011 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- Alex Jones TV: Alex Has A Little Fun with The Charles and Camilla Attacks

Let them drink fluoride!

AlexJones oligarchy lulz from delicious
december 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- AlexJones TV: Max Keiser: The Buy Silver Campaign Round 2

"Alex, you live in a penal colony called the United States of America. You've got all these Americans stampeding on themselves to go shopping on Black Friday, killing themselves to be a spectacle for Network TV, who have utter contempt for Americans and treat them like performing stunt pigs. It's a joke!"

america idiocracy lulz from delicious
december 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

HIPSTER RUNOFF -- Facebook announces partnership with Nike, releases official sneaker

'Should Google 'respond' by making an official snuggie?'

HipsterRunoff temes lulz satire from delicious
november 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

HIPSTER RUNOFF -- Twitter announces partnership with Nike, releases official sneaker

'Do u think twitter is effectively monetizing?'

HipsterRunoff temes lulz satire from delicious
november 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- 20,000 Sacrificed In Annual Blood Offering To Corporate America

'"A joyful noise filled the hall as the priest pulled the first virgin's heart from her chest and recited the ancient, mystical section 102(a)(3) of the Delaware General Corporation Law," said 44-year-old disciple David Infantes, recalling the blasts from plastic horns donated by Wells Fargo that accompanied a young girl's lifeless body rolling down the altar steps. "In that moment, I pledged my soul anew to our blessed Corporate Overlords, increasing profits be upon them." By many accounts, the highlight of the evening took place when the 500 Shareholder Guardians, wearing robes adorned with logos of the nation's top-ranked businesses and chanting optimistic revenue projections, used their companies' balance sheets to ignite the alcohol-soaked vestments of the "cursèd and damnable" children born the day Lehman Brothers collapsed.'

TheOnion mysterybabylon commerce magick lulz satire from delicious
november 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

NMA.tv -- World pins hopes on Black Friday

'Black Friday is the most important shopping day of the year in the United States. Big bargains are to be had and the one-day extravaganza brings out the competitive spirit in American consumers. So much so, that Black Fridays past have been marred by violence. Fueling the hype are media that give relentless coverage to Black Friday in their efforts to discern the mood of the American consumer and, thus, economy. Of course, Black Friday is enormously important to Asia and its export-dependent economies.'

america china consumerism shopping lulz from delicious
november 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Al-Qaeda Marching Band To Join Macy's Parade After Incredible Audition

'NEW YORK—Following an audition that "knocked [their] socks off," organizers of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade announced today they would allow the al-Qaeda Marching Band, the musical performance division of the international terrorist organization, to participate in the 84th-annual holiday event. "Macy's has no affiliation with the political agenda of al-Qaeda and in no way endorses its stated goal of destroying the imperialist secular West," said Bob Carlson, a spokesperson for the department store. "But their choreography is just—wow. The costumes, the sass, the showmanship. These guys brought their A-game, and the drum line is just sensational." Al-Qaeda Marching Band director Ibrahim al-Faisal told reporters being selected to perform in the parade was "a great honor," adding that his group looked forward to wowing the crowd and setting off a dirty bomb in the heart of Manhattan.'

TheOnion terrorism! falseflag spectacle lulz satire minipax from delicious
november 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- Alex Jones TV: Gerald Celente: America is Turning Into One Gigantic Hellhole! 1/2

@13:25... LOL

GeraldCelente rant lulz america from delicious
november 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- TSA Do Sex To Me

'The TSA is not going to do sex to me.'

america terrorism! minipax pornsec sexcrime facecrime securitytheatre KarlDenninger lulz from delicious
november 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

HIPSTER RUNOFF -- I bought a hybrid car and a polar bear came 2 my house 2 thank me 4 saving the environment.

'Then he was all like "Dont know who the eff u r. I wanted to buy a Hummer but ended up in this lil piece of shit car. Know the gas is cheap but still feel like a pussie when I drive it around." Then I was like "I live on an ice cap thanx for not melting it." Then he said "Global Warming is Bull shit. Go back 2 ur g-d hippie college and leave me alone with ur liberal propaganda [via the Daily Colbert Show]." Humans are kinda lame. Not sure if they 'get' the environment or if they really care abt animals like me/relevant ecosystems. Seems like they only care abt hybrid cars for the sake of 'status'. Just kinda sux that everything is abt branding + consumerism instead of 'doing it 4 the right reasons' 2 save the polar bears. I'm still alone. No1 understands me. I'm completely fucked.'

HipsterRunoff advertising forcedmemes globalwarming environmentalism conspicuousconsumption status theadvertisedlife lulz satire from delicious
november 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

Ribbonfarm.com -- The Misanthrope’s Guide to the End of the World

'Garbage eschatology (I claim credit for this neologism) is based on the premise that our technological infrastructure has acquired too much complexity for us to fix. It will kill us not by turning sentient and (for whatever obscure reason) wanting to kill us, but by stupidly and dumbly collapsing on top of us, like a gigantic Windows Vista, while we watch, powerless to prevent our impending accidental death. Technology will kill us by collapsing into a pile of rubble, turning the planet into a gigantic landfill. ...it takes a smarter person to fix a buggy program than to write the program in the first place, and that every bug fix introduces 2-3 deeper bugs/flaws/cracks in the system. Eventually, intelligent environments run on civilizational software built by the smartest possible humans, and the even-smarter people required to fix bugs in that system don’t exist. The probability is far higher that a fatal bug will turn the system into junk, rather than lending it sentience.'

kipple apocalypse eschatology singularity lulz from delicious
november 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- NMAWorldEdition: Wall Street gorges on record bonuses

'America is still mired in the Great Recession, but the people responsible for the mess have elected to award themselves a record-high $144 billion in compensation and benefits for 2010.' -- Gimme the loot, gimme the loot.

america banksters lulz from delicious
november 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Social Security Scam Robs Elderly By Convincing Them They Are Dead

'A new scam preys on the elderly by informing them they have died and instructing them to reroute their social security checks to the "Department of the Dead."'

TheOnion government austerity welfare ponzi entitlement intergenerationalwarfare lulz satire from delicious
november 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- Drinking With Bob: Jon Stewart Rally Was a Joke...

"This is an endless cycle of stupidity."

drinkingwithbob government politics spectacle lulz
november 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- BobMurphyAncap: Stoke the Fear

'An up-and-coming Austrian School economist begins training for his shot at the Keynesian champ.' -- "What's the matter, Paul. Stimulus wasn't big enough?"

economics discourse austrianschool RobertMurphy PaulKrugman lulz argumentation from delicious
october 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- BBC Two: Tim Nice But Balding Enters The Dragons' Den

'Ex-banker Tim Nice But Balding is joined in the Dragons' Den by business partner Charlie Slick But Thick. The hedge fund managers offer the Dragons the opportunity of a life time, to invest in their "meaningless" piece of paper.' -- "We're both something in the City."

finance grifting mercantilism bailout lulz from delicious
october 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Judge Orders God To Break Up Into Smaller Deities
TheOnion god government monopoly monotheism regulation lulz satire from delicious
october 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- So you Want to Get a PhD in the Humanities

"I want to live a life of the mind."

theadvertisedlife academia careerism entitlement intergenerationalwarfare lulz from delicious
october 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Girl Has Just Enough Physical Flaws To Maybe Take Man Seriously

'"When you first look at her you see an eight, maybe even a nine, but if you examine closely you notice a slight overbite and asymmetrical eyes," said Ervine, who calculates that the birthmark on the woman's neck will make her more willing to overlook the fact that he's 15 pounds over weight. "Unless she had supportive parents who instilled her with a lot of self-esteem, I should have a chance. A good chance."'

TheOnion selfesteem lulz satire from delicious
october 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

HIPSTER RUNOFF -- Some blipster makes Obama autograph his iPad

'Barry Obama. My blipster idol. Makes me feel like I can do anything. Makes me feel 'equal' 2 all other human beings, transcending race socioeconomic status educational levels riding the G.E.D. wave, following my dreams.'

theadvertisedlife lulz from delicious
october 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Cockroach King Concerned Over Recent Rise Of Bedbugs

'"Many hours have I spent in my chambers contemplating this worrisome development," King Leopold declared from atop his throne of toilet-paper scraps and human hair. "For centuries, the woodwork and drainpipes of the world have been the unassailed domain of we roaches. Exterminators were powerless to stop us. Humans shrieked at the sight of us. But now this meddlesome bedbug has inspired tenfold the terror." "We must not allow this ignoble parasite to usurp our rightful place as the most feared and reviled pest in all the land," continued Leopold, raising four of his six legs to the sky and shaking his scepter. "Scurry forth, my countrymen, and let our unmatched ability to repel be known!" Prognosticators and soothsayers from areas as far-flung as underneath the stove and behind the trash compactor have begun to speculate in private that the fierce battle between the pests for control of mankind's paranoia and repugnance may already be lost.'

TheOnion oligarchy parasitism hubris satire lulz from delicious
october 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- So You Want to Go to Law School

"Things are different for my generation." -- #fail faster

legalese delusion careerism theadvertisedlife intergenerationalwarfare lulz from delicious
october 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- Sparks Goes to the White House

"If you had even an ounce of dignity..." -- CHANGE

government statism delusion anarchocapitalism lulz from delicious
october 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Historians Admit To Inventing Ancient Greeks

'"Honestly, we never meant for things to go this far," said Professor Gene Haddlebury, who has offered to resign his position as chair of Hellenic Studies at Georgetown University. "We were young and trying to advance our careers, so we just started making things up: Homer, Aristotle, Socrates, Hippocrates, the lever and fulcrum, rhetoric, ethics, all the different kinds of columns—everything." In a statement expressing their "profound apologies" for misleading the world on the subject of antiquity for almost 40 years, the historians expressed hope that their work would survive on its own merits. "It would be a shame to see humanity abandon achievements such as heliocentrism and the plays of Aeschylus just because of their origin," the statement read in part. "Moreover, we have some rather disappointing things to tell you about the pyramids, the works of Leonardo da Vinci, penicillin, the Internet, the scientific method, movies, and dogs."'

TheOnion academia hubris goodthink satire lulz from delicious
october 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

Bajillion Hits -- Why Foursquare Is A Lunch-Eating Paradigm-Shifter

'...simply pressing a “Check In Here” button in exchange for instant point-value validation of your life choices and purchases is so much easier and more rewarding than the similar personal branding services provided by competitors such as Flickr (uploading photos takes forever), Twitter (too wordy), Facebook (say it with me: my mom is not an influencer) or Yelp (get off Yelp, you dork). Plus, Foursquare allows you to passively brag how fabulous you are, thus making the act of doing so far more socially acceptable, which means you don’t have to worry about potential neg-impact on your brand.'

socialmedia narcissism lulz
september 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

tumblr_l8501aFPxi1qaswmq.gif (GIF Image, 180×208 pixels)
internet lulz argumentation
september 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

tumblr_l8nrhe12Q41qaswmq.gif (GIF Image, 150×107 pixels)
internet lulz argumentation
september 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

HIPSTER RUNOFF -- INFOGRAPHIC: Only Poor People Need “God” 2 distract them from having crappy lives

'R u Muslim, Catholic, Protestant, or ‘other’? Which country has the zaniest God in the World? Do u wish this infographic was just a huge bubble that represented the world adopting a new wave Christian religion that helped us to ‘get rich quick’? R u happy u live in a rich country?<br />
Would u rather be rich or have ‘mad faith’? Is religion and important part of ur daily life? Do u wish ‘harvesting buzzbands’ was a religion? Why do poor people need God so much? Do white American poor ppl <3 God [via Walmart]? Should we go into Third World countries and try to make them ‘Christian’ [via modern crusades]? If we give them high paying jobs in factories, will they be willing to abandon ‘God’/adopt a new version of God that tells them to make more iPods/sneakers?'

HipsterRunoff forcedmemes religion lulz satire from delicious
september 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Mexico Killed In Drug Deal

'"We are doing our best at the moment to locate any Mexican police or military officials who are still alive so that we may work hand-in-hand with them to combat the growing problem of drug violence in Mexico," Leonhart told reporters. "Episodes like this are simply unacceptable and will not be tolerated by the United States government." At press time, U.S. drug dealers said they were not sure how or when the vast supplies of marijuana left behind by the Mexican cartels would reach their intended consumers, but they wished to assure the American public that they are doing all they can.'

TheOnion government drugs cartel lulz satire from delicious
september 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

Wired -- Alt Text: Videogame Wisdom You Can Apply to Real Life

'It’s generally best to shoot anyone you see. You usually can’t hurt people unless they’re your enemies.'

gaming verisimilitude lulz
september 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Construction Complete On 9/11 Truther Memorial

'Response to the memorial from members of the truther community has been positive. "A dozen brilliant lights—one for each of the 12 charges used to bring down the World Trade Center—boldly shine their truth upon our ignorant world," read a review of the memorial on the website IlluminatiFAQs.com. "Perhaps most profound is the eternal flame, placed directly beneath a beam of reinforced steel to remind us there's no way burning jet fuel can melt steel, as the main stream media would have us believe."

TheOnion falseflag spectacle terrorism! conspiracy lulz satire from delicious
september 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Craigslist Server Contracts HPV

'Founder Craig Newmark said he suspected that the sexually transmitted disease was contracted from the "Casual Encounters" section of the website, a popular service used by people looking to engage in consequence-free intercourse. Newmark did not rule out other potential sources of infection, however, including the many thousands of listings for "female help around the house," amateur modeling work, and free used mattresses.'

TheOnion internet lulz satire from delicious
september 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

HIPSTER RUNOFF -- Craiglist ‘cock blocks’ hard, won’t let u buy & sell local prostitutes n e more

'Really bummed that I can’t even browse craigslist. Do yall think Craigslist is dangerous for whores/humans/buyers/sellers? Have yall ever purchased illegal goods off craigslist? Should I steal stereos/cars and sell them on craigslist? Should I hold a prostitute against her will, and make her sell her body on craigslist? Should the internet be used as a marketplace, or just for social issues? CAn u really trust people on the internet? Do u know of any other good sites where u can buy a prostitute from the internet? Do u think craigslist is a useful tool, or is it a bad idea to get involved with any1 from craigslist?'

HipsterRunoff censorship lulz satire from delicious
september 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Department Of Interior To Clean Nation's Filter

'Hayes said completing the overdue maintenance on the nation's filter would immediately increase the country's performance and reduce viscosity, greatly enhancing flow and circulation. The properly functioning filtration system will also reportedly help drain standing water and slow down the nationwide buildup of mildew on the sides and edges. Department officials said they had searched online for replacement filters, but acknowledged the original packaging had been thrown away, making it difficult to track down the model number. Sources confirmed preparations were being made to order the part from a manufacturer overseas.'

TheOnion america deindustrialization kipple lulz satire from delicious
september 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Baby Loses Train Of Thought
TheOnion randomness lulz satire from delicious
september 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Police Capture Nation's Largest Crystal Meth Kingpin

'Police invaded notorious meth dealer Daryl Krogen's home, seizing dozens of bicycle parts and more than ten dollars worth of stolen paint.'

TheOnion lulz satire minipax from delicious
september 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

HIPSTER RUNOFF -- Fox News writes ‘hipster bashing’ article. Did they ‘nail it’? [via cultural commentary]

'From what I have heard, ‘backwards conservatives who hate brown ppl’ watch Fox News and ‘effing liberals who have white guilt’ watch CNN. Then there is some weirdo segment of people who watch ‘The Daily Show’/'The Colbert Report’ and think they are ‘smarter + more globablly aware’ than any1 else cuz they are able 2 ‘LOL @the_news’. -- The Article is titled “The Trouble With Hipsters.” Might start headlining every blog post ‘The Trouble With _____’ 2 let every1 know that I am about to ‘drop some mutha fuckin truth bombs’ [via opinion puff pieces]. Is ‘Al Qaeda’ a buzzband? Is this ‘the greatest Hipster Bashing piece of all time’? Do u watch Fox News, CNN, or just ur local news?'

HipsterRunoff idiocracy lulz satire from delicious
september 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

Tweetage Wasteland -- Say Hello to My Little Friend

'Back in the early days of the web I was just a dealer. And I followed the advice I got from the movie Scarface: Don’t get high on your own supply. I used the web as a tool to be more efficient at achieving goals I had set for myself in the outside world. I blogged, I created sites, I worked with a bunch of interesting startups. Don’t get me wrong. I dabbled in the web as a user. But it was always with the bigger picture in mind. It was always with a purpose. I was in charge. I was in control. Those days are over. Like Tony Montana, I didn’t follow the advice about getting hooked on the product. I told myself I was just taking a little taste to make sure I understood the product I was serving out to others — the civilians, the suckers. But it was a lie.'

internet addiction lulz from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

HIPSTER RUNOFF -- NYTimes does article on ‘effing hipster freegans’ who ‘go dumpster diving’ behind Whole Foods

'Not sure what the New York Times is trying to do. I guess create ‘compelling cultural content’ that is sharable + can ‘drive mad hits.’ Anyways, they made another zany article about ‘hipsters in Brooklyn’ have ‘started to’ ‘dumpster dive’ behind high-end grocery stores. Not sure if this writing is ‘real.’ Maybe NYTimes is now just some sort of complex art piece/satirical commentary on modern journalistic techniques. Let's 'remix' dumpster food. Do u ‘call bullshit’ on this event/trend? Should I shop at Target, Walmart, or just dumpster dive? Does ‘trash’ belong 2 no1, or is it the owner’s right as an American to know that their garbage wasn’t re-used or recycled in any format?'

HipsterRunoff hipsters authenticity foraging intergenerationalwarfare lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

HIPSTER RUNOFF -- hi. i’m back. by the ALT REPORT Robot

De La Soul is Dead, Y'all.

HipsterRunoff hipsters consumering theadvertisedlife lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- DrinkingWithBob: If You're a Responsible American. You're Screwed...

Make-baby-baby-baby.

america government debt socialism lulz drinkingwithbob from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

TheOnion -- Report: 10 Million Killed Annually By Stepping Out Of Comfort Zones

'"People always ask themselves, 'What's the worst that can happen?' Well, according to our research, anything from being bitten by a poisonous snake to dying in a hot-air balloon crash can happen." The report found that the safest individuals were those who surrendered to the soul-crushing monotony of habit and then convinced themselves that they had things pretty good.'

TheOnion life lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Mysterious Crate Arrives From London

'Shipman and stevedore alike confirmed that the crate is unpleasantly cold to the touch, and none reportedly wished to remain in its presence for long. According to entries in the captain's log, when the puzzling cargo was first brought aboard in Liverpool, the ship's cat would not cease in its hissing and hid amongst the ballast the journey entire; and indeed, all aboard the Redoubtable were, to a man-jack, loathe to pass near the crate. Fellows of the Institute—that body of learned Bostonian gentleman to whom the crate was addressed—acknowledged they were uncertain what to make of the delivery. In their attempts to inspect it, many said they found themselves succumbing to distraction, their mental faculties unable to grapple with what it might signify or contain. Others claimed to feel an unnatural presence gripping at something within their minds.'

TheOnion EastIndiaCompany lulz BritishEastIndiaCompany satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- More Companies Phasing Out Retirement Option

'Although the paradigm shift is highly admired among cost-conscious managers in the business world, employees question its practicality. "I don't need to support my family anymore," said 93-year-old Alfred Nuzzo, who has worked as a products inspector for GE's small-appliance division for 68 years. "I have a dead wife and three dead kids." Multitasking while dying on the job can take its toll. GE customer-service representative Esther Fischbeck, 88, is juggling career, widowhood, and early-stage Alzheimer's disease. "What is this?" said Fischbeck, clawing at her phone headset. "When do I go home?"'

TheOnion greatestdepression lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Company You've Never Heard Of Wants To Reward You For Your Good Credit
TheOnion america greatestdepression debt lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

ThinkGeek -- The Cubes: Cubicle Playsets

'Finally, the drudgery of corporate life has been captured in a play set for adults! Bob, Joe, and Ted spend eight hours a day, five days a week, at tiny desks in tiny cubicles in a giant room packed with countless similar cubicles in a giant building filled with countless similar rooms. Comes with a sticker sheet of decor for your cube, complete with graphs, charts, screens for the computer and pithy office posters. Also includes a job title sticker sheet so you can create a convoluted and meaningless position for your employee (how about Level C Systems Associate? Or Senior Accounting Coordinator?). Each additional set comes with the figures noted, plus character specific accessories.'

work toys toyfriends thesims virtuality pseudoworlds nostalgia kipple PKD lulz from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

Encyclopedia Dramatica -- ETD (Electronically Transmitted Diseases)

'#Persistent Argumentative State: This disease arises from constant flaming, edit-warring, and forum participation. This habit of disputing every minor detail will then slowly spread to IRL. PAS is considered a gateway disease because symptoms of other eTDs will go unnoticed due to the fact that noone in the real world is willing to associate with you. Physical symptoms include a marked increase in scrapes, cuts and bruises resultant from constant IRL ass-kickings. Diarhhea of the mouth occurs in typical cases, and often requires the victim to have someone rip them a new asshole in order to alleviate the extreme pressures caused by being completely full of shit. A current hot spot for this condition is wikipedia. The only way to stop the occurrence of PAS is to quarantine the entire wikipedian community and apply a Hades Bomb directly to the source. If you come into contact with someone in this condition you should 'pull the plug' as quickly as possible.'

internet e-penis lulz from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

Encyclopedia Dramatica -- Edit war

'An edit war is where the unfunny, chronic masturbators, and other wiktards get their kicks. Insisting that their version is the 'right' version, or hiding personal vices from the public, or other such faggotry, edit warriors will often try their best to ensure that their edits prevail, often by calling on friends to assist them, or engaging other edit warriors in places other than wikis. Edit wars can be reduced to childish "Yuh, huh!" "Nuh uh!" battles, in which nobody wins until a parent - or in this case a mod - gets involved and arbitrarily declares a winner, just so that the general retardedness of an edit war can be escaped by users who have genuine lulz to post.'

internet editwars lulz from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

HIPSTER RUNOFF -- NYTimes writes article abt how worthless 20-somethings can’t get jobs & try 2 stay young 4evr

'Did this article ‘uncover’ anything ‘insightful’? Do 20somethings need to ‘get their shit together’? Will Gen Y ‘retire’ without a retirement fund? Should we all just continue trying to be bloggers/social media gurus/buzzband members, instead of getting jobs as teachers/insurance agents/bank tellers? Will there be some sort of “Recession of Chill” when 20somethings don’t accomplish their dreams? Will u land ur dream job, or is ur head in the clouds? Do parents have a responsibility to get their kids’ head out of their asses, even though their children now ‘look like grown ups’? What is more interesting: the era of articles abt Gen Y ‘using the internet a lot’ or the articles abt Gen Y ‘growing up and not having real jobs’? Should I get my life together before it is too late? Should I just go to ‘grad school’/law school to extend my youth? Am I ‘above’ 98% of the job opportunities that are available for me? Does n e 1 know if it is true that every human on Earth will die one day?'

HipsterRunoff intergenerationalwarfare lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

HIPSTER RUNOFF -- Gen Y lifestyle no longer covets ‘material things’, only digital media that u can store on a hard drive

'Do u hope these ‘virtually homeless people’ are shanked in a bum fight, and their macbooks are used as firewood? Do u think these are just young people who got ‘laid off’ but can’t move home because their parents h8 them? Is this type of article the ‘antithesis’ of the standard article abt how Gen Y people are moving in with their parents until they find ‘their dream job’? Do virtually homeless people ‘beg’ for money, or do they just ask ppl to paypal them when they get home? Are virtually homeless people crowding the streets, stealing the resources + space from ‘authentic homeless people’ who ‘genuinely need help’? Do u live a ‘minimal’ life by choice, or did u max out ur credit card buying Apple products? Do poor people live a ‘minimalist’ lifestyle, or do they just not have money 2 buy things? Do yall h8 articles like this that turn the lives’ of a few ass holes into some sort of ‘cultural phenomenon’?'

HipsterRunoff hipster dematerialization digital designwank theadvertisedlife lulz greatestdepression hipsters satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- It's Nice We Can Finally Look Back On That Whole Oil Spill And Laugh

'By Carl-Henric Svanberg, Chairman, BP: It's often said that with time and distance comes perspective; that nothing is ever as bad as it initially seems. Well, in the case of the BP oil spill, which—if you can even remember this far back—happened in the spring and summer of 2010, truer words have never been spoken. A few weeks ago, I was a completely different guy: worried, easily agitated, constantly on edge. But now that I've had a good amount of time away from all the underwater plumes and the oil sheens and the static kills, I think about how worked up I got and can't help but laugh.'

TheOnion gulfofmexico disaster bp lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

YouTube -- DrinkingWithBob: Obama Supports Mosque at Ground Zero...

E.T., E.T., E.T.!

drinkingwithbob america lulz from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Kid Ready To Start Playdating Again

'"The playdating scene can be shallow, and you meet a lot of kids who won't think twice before lying to your face, but there's got to be that special someone out there somewhere," Gallagher said. "Look, I'm not going to say that it's not hard, because it is. But what am I supposed to do? Sit in the corner and cry all day?" Added Gallagher, "Trust me, I've done that already." Saying that all that he wants is someone to practice handstands with, or someone who has the same favorite color in common, the 5-year-old told reporters that he was just going to take things one step at a time.'

TheOnion relationships lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Spy Drone Struggling To Assimilate Back Into Civilian Life
TheOnion america patriotism bloodlust lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- If I Hadn't Found Jesus, I'd Feel Pretty Shitty About My Crimes

'Even here behind these thick penitentiary walls, there was no hiding from what I'd done to that poor family. Then, one night, it happened: I lay alone in my cell, my only companion the visions of wickedness that filled my head. Suddenly, there was a light, and somehow the light spoke to me. It was the voice of Jesus Christ. He told me he had died for the sins of mankind and all could find peace through his salvation. Was I ready to repent? Uh, let me think about that for a sec. Yup! I now know the power of forgiveness, because it was hand-delivered to me by the highest authority in the universe. It'd be nice if the friends and relatives of the Robinson family forgave me too, but you know what? That's between them and God. All I can do is forgive them for having judged me. If they harden their hearts and turn away from His love—well, I can only pity them, really.'

TheOnion religion predation piety lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Millions Of Barrels Of Oil Safely Reach Port In Major Environmental Catastrophe

'"We're looking at a crisis of cataclysmic proportions," said Charles Hartsell, an environmental scientist at Tufts University. "In a matter of days, this oil may be refined into a lighter substance that, when burned as fuel in vehicles, homes, and businesses, will poison the earth's atmosphere on a terrifying scale." "Time is of the essence," Hartsell added. "If this is allowed to continue, the health of every American could be put at risk." Experts are saying the oil tanker safely reaching port could lead to dire ecological consequences on multiple levels, including rising temperatures, disappearing shorelines, the eradication of countless species, extreme weather events, complete economic collapse, droughts that surpass the Dust Bowl, disease, wildfires, widespread human starvation, and endless, bloody wars fought over increasingly scarce resources.'

TheOnion america oil addiction lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Sexy Career Woman To Take Hot Bath After Stressful Day

'"Every once in a while, I need some time for myself to recharge," Barrett told a crowd of reporters, her fingers absentmindedly undoing the third button of her tight silk blouse to reveal the smallest hint of a delicate black-lace bra. "It's important to me that I reconnect with my womanhood so I can wake up the next day, put on my short, formfitting pantsuit and black 6-inch patent-leather stiletto pumps, and confidently reenter the no-holds-barred, male-dominated field in which I excel."' -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xf1_apP84Zg

TheOnion feminism 90sgirl unwarrantedselfimportance lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Man Lives In Futuristic Sci-Fi World Where All His Interactions Take Place In Cyberspace

'A lone cyber-wolf, he prowls not the bustling streets of the analog world, but the electric avenues of the metaverse. Though his high-tech, cybertronic existence may appear overwhelming to the rest of us, it is the only way this weary wanderer of circuits and space knows how to live. And until the day our world catches up with his, Royce will be out there on the virtual nexus, searching.'

TheOnion internet cyberspace manifestdestiny lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

Encyclopedia Dramatica -- Worldwide Masonic Conspiracy

'How we are pwned: Since right after we are born, we are taught to always obey orders. We are forced to go into schools and listen to years of brainwashing from teachers who are paid by the governments. After that we go to college where they brainwash us some more to become a part of the money system. We then graduate (become gradually indoctrinated) and become the pwned sheep that we are. Of course, these institutions are all made of industrial-strength fail, since this article wouldn't be here for you to read (and wouldn't make sense to you anyway) if any of that crap actually worked. They keep us under their control with fear: Fear of hell, fear of hunger, fear of nature, fear of guns, fear of police, and fear of what other people will think of us. The cities are flooded with surveillance equipment, and they spray chemicals with specially engineered diseases to keep our number down. There are two ways out: #Drop out of the system completely. #Become an Hero.'

oligarchicalcollectivism mysterybabylon lulz from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

Encyclopedia Dramatica -- The Google

'The Google (known as Google colloquially) is an extremely popular marketing agency. If you've ever wanted a search engine where you can search for misinformation, then Google is it. Remember: if it isn't on Google IT DOESN'T EXIST. Though expansive in nature, The Google is also run by a bunch of pussies who will submit to any country's request for censorship. Excluding China. They've even censored the world's least offensive and most wholesome website in the Australian version of Google. For this, Google is a possible candidate for Anonymous's shitlist. Google is known for its constant gathering of personal information, which is to help its only income source, AdSense/AdWords. However this is moot because most of its adsense revenue is from cloaking, scraper site adsense farms that click on their own ads.'

google lulz from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

C-SPAN -- Defense Department Press Briefing (2010/08/05)

via @wikileaks: Obnoxious Pentagon spokesperson issues formal threat against WikiLeaks: Destroy everything, or else http://cs.pn/aOxf0Y -- 'Pentagon Spokesman Geoff Morrell conducted a daily briefing at the Defense Department. He called on the website WikiLeaks to return all of the classified war documents in their possession and delete them from the website.' -- GIMME BACK MAI SECRETS!!1

leaky wikileaks lulz from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

Encyclopedia Dramatica -- Socrates

'Socrates was a famous IRL troll of pre-internets Greece credited with inventing the first trolling technique and otherwise laying the foundation of the science of lulz. He is widely considered to be the most irritating man in history. Accounts of his successful trolls are in the form of tl;dr copypasta on Plato’s LiveJournal. There they have been pwning NORPS for thousands of years in PHIL1101 classes around the world. Socrates was v& and b& IRL in 399BC for grievous trolling. His last words were, ”I did it for the lulz.”'

Socrates griefing lulz from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

HIPSTER RUNOFF -- Herd of homeless alts live off free food at sponsored alt events

'There are so many sponsored events these days, we can just camp out outside of them, waiting to get free ‘gear’, ‘food’, and ‘alcohol.’ All we have to do is look ‘moderately alt’ and we can hit up any free event from LA to NYC, from Miami to Burning the Man, from Chicago to Indio, from Bonnarooville to the City Limits of Austin. Being a homeless alt enables me to live a truly on-the-go lifestyle (usually advertised by trendy mobile phones) where I am [literally] on the ground floor of relevant events across the country. Lucrative sponsorship deals enable alts like me to eat for free. In addition, u can find a lot of bread + bologna in Subway dumpsters. We are truly free.'

HipsterRunoff hipsters parasitism consumering theadvertisedlife lulz foraging satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Report: TV Helps Build Valuable Looking Skills

'"Extensive testing of adults who grew up in homes without television showed that such adults had difficulty staring blankly at things for longer than a few seconds," Center For Media Studies director Dr. Edward DeGaetano said. "They frequently shifted their gaze and focus around the testing environment, often engaging others in the room in conversation and generally making a lot of disruptive noise and movement. Television-enriched adults, however, could sit and look at anything: a spot on the ceiling, a fire-alarm box, a stack of magazines on a table." "And even when the non-television-enriched adults could manage to look at a magazine," DeGaetano said, "rather than deep-focus on the cover, they would open it and start restlessly looking at words and turning the pages."'

TheOnion technology media themediumisthemassage lulz tv television satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- New Robot Capable Of Unhealthily Repressing Emotion

'"This is the holy grail of artificial intelligence," said project director Kate Tillman, explaining that the robot instantly performs millions of computations to ensure feelings of unresolved anger and simmering resentment remain deeply buried within its complex circuitry. "We felt we were on the right track when we brought up a personal shortcoming and it paced around the lab muttering, but when it started breaking eye contact and changing the subject, we knew we had accomplished something revolutionary."'

TheOnion robots emotion repression lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Neighbors' Wi-Fi Password Must Be Something Good

'"Well, this is a tough little nut to crack," Murphy said following a half hour of failed efforts to access the Internet without moving from his sofa. "It's not 'password,' 'ostermann,' '123456,' or the name of any family member or pet. I'll be damned—they really put some thought into this one." If his next 20 or so attempts fail, Murphy said he would just try joining the network known only as Linksys.'

TheOnion passwords lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Overcome Stress By Visualizing It As A Greedy, Hook-Nosed Race Of Creatures

'On Today Now!, author Christine Eckard teaches Jim and Tracy to imagine economic problems as oily, curly-haired "Grabblers."'

TheOnion scapegoating lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

The Onion -- Gambling-Addiction Study Gets Out Of Hand

'The study, which is now nearly $10 million over budget, was supposed to have been completed by this past May. Layton continues to gather data, however, insisting that the big breakthrough, or "payoff," is just around the corner. "Baby, this one is the big one, I can feel it," said Stangel, holding a CD-ROM of raw data to his ear and shaking it. "This contains data from control groups seven and eleven, stuff we'd thrown out because it seemed so blue-sky, but we were thinking too hard and not going with our gut. Sometimes, the scientific method can lead you wrong, you know?" "Seven-eleven! Seven-come-eleven!" said Stangel, pausing to let Fancy Nancy blow on the disc. "Daddy needs a new paradigmatic skew!"' -- Numbers numb!

TheOnion research data numbers addiction gambling lulz satire from delicious
august 2010 by adamcrowe

copy to mine

« earlier

Copy this bookmark: