"Thank you Mr. President, I had forgotten how crushingly dull these ceremonies are. Thank you. [...]

today isn't about how my presence here devalues this fine institution. It is about you, the graduates. I'm honored to be here to congratulate you today. Today is the day you enter into the real world, and I should give you a few pointers on what it is. It's actually not that different from the environment here. The biggest difference is you will now be paying for things, and the real world is not surrounded by three-foot brick wall. And the real world is not a restoration. If you see people in the real world making bricks out of straw and water, those people are not colonial re-enactors - they are poor. Help them. And in the real world, there is not as much candle lighting. I don't really know what it is about this campus and candle lighting, but I wish it would stop. We only have so much wax, people. [...]

how do you know what is the right path to choose to get the result that you desire? And the honest answer is this: you won't. And accepting that greatly eases the anxiety of your life experience. [...]

Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may."

"…A WHINY YOUTHE cam nexte, barleye a man,
With yelwe haire, tunique, and farmeres tan.
But aquaculture litel did he love,
He wolde been a pilot al above
And bullseye oump-rattes yn a nimble craft.…"

"Hello, and welcome to my week-by-week review of everything in the world. Today I am reviewing the bowl of water on my porch."

Drawception, a "broken telephone" web drawing game where 12 players draw & interpret in sequence. Hilarious:

Nearly died reading this. Guy posts link on FB to his coming out post, gets berated by friends because it has no CSS: